When Grief Is Postponed: Finding Your Way Back to Healing

I tried to shut out the feelings that were hurting my heart with a thousand tiny pinpricks, which was somehow worse than having it broken all at once.  ~ Morgan Matson, in Second Chance Summer

A reader writes: I lost my dad ten months ago, while I was in my last year of nursing school. I had to 'tuck in' the grieving process in order to graduate which was my dad's greatest wish for me. He literally said, "Don't stop school for me." I originally felt rejected by him, but now I see he was protecting me again. He had an 8 month battle with pancreatic cancer that was just horrible. 

 So, I've graduated from nursing school, passed my state boards, and I wish I could give him a big hug. Now that the stress from school is over, I feel like I need to continue the active grieving. 

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 1- November 9, 2024, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

My short answer is absolutely not! Why? Because we know that antidepressants alone (even when indicated) are not an appropriate means to provide comprehensive support to someone in grief.  Getting through complicated grief with antidepressants? « AfterTalk

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 30 - July 13, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week: 

Over the years, a significant concern of mine has been how to not only share the incredible essence of my mother with those dear to me, but also not hiding the fact she died by suicide. This concern became most pressing over 11 years ago when I was expecting my son. I often pondered how I would introduce him to a grandmother he never had the chance to meet—a woman who loved me intensely yet had a complex story. How could I convey that she loved me, but that I would not leave him? I Finally Told My Son About Mom's Suicide. I Didn't Expect His Reaction « Newsweek

In Grief: When A Counseling Relationship Is Ending

The only person you should ever fear losing in a relationship is you yourself. ~ Miya Yamanouchi

A reader writes: My situation isn't really typical of the reasons most people join your forums, but I am experiencing terrible grief and it's not something I can talk to anyone about because most people don't recognize or understand it. I feel incredibly alone.

I've seen a counselor for coming up to three years and she has helped me through some of the most difficult times of my life. I have a tough life with a long-term illness and I have a disabled child so I feel really isolated. I've been fortunate enough to see my counselor free at an agency and I feel really close to her. I'm not close to my family at all as I had a tough upbringing and I don't see my friends very often. I'm a single parent since my marriage broke down 5 years ago.

My counselor told me 4 weeks ago that she is leaving the agency due to personal circumstances.

Seeing a Specialist in Grief Counseling: Why It Matters

[Reviewed and updated April 4, 2026]

A reader writes: I’ve been suffering from depression for a long time and am under the care of a psychiatrist. I went to see my doctor for the first time since my father died and was a complete wreck since I had to re-tell what happened. I was crying because it's hard to talk about Dad's sudden downfall and last day, but my psychiatrist seemed to think that I was being overly emotional. I tried to tell him that I'm not upset every day and that I didn't think that my sadness less than five months after Dad's death was abnormal. I did confess to doing some stupid things immediately after he passed and how hard some things have been, but I walked out of his office feeling like I should be over it. 

In Grief: Keeping The Secret of An AIDS Diagnosis

Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.  ~ Paul Tournier

A reader writes: I'm not really sure what I am looking for. This will be the first time I say these words to anyone other than my husband or sister. Even my own kids don't know the truth, but I feel I need support right now and you've been so helpful and kind.

My mom died of AIDS last month at the age of 68. Barely one week later, my dad was diagnosed with full blown AIDS. He is 70. Today I spent the day moving him from the hospital to a nursing home. We were shocked when my mom was diagnosed, after being sick for a year. They did every kind of test in the world, except an HIV test. She was so sick by the time they did the test. We spent the last year taking care of her and watching her slowly leave us. During the last few months of her life, I started really thinking and searching thru things in my dad's life. I discovered a life-time of lies and deceit.

Understanding and Managing Grief: August 30 - September 5, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Hospice nurse Barbara Karnes receives a question from a follower whose father is in hospice care. The family was told 2 weeks ago that the father's death was imminent but he hasn't died. They have questions about what to do next. Dad is dying. Give him fluids? « YouTube

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 24 - March 2, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Longing of Saudade, http://j.mp/2NCu17n « Widower's Grief

I'm Feeling Crazy. Do I Need Psychotherapy? http://bit.ly/2GSN4tM « Open To Hope

New Research Shows the Power of 1 Session of Guided Imagery on Anxiety, http://j.mp/2GQxSgD « Health Journeys

Caregiving and Hospice, December 2 - December 8, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

What a kitten taught me about critical care, http://j.mp/2BVzF06 « Kevin MD

A Therapist Says Goodbye, http://j.mp/2BRsndX « Modern Loss 

How to Choose Hospice Care, http://j.mp/2KQzwho « Next Avenue

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 29 - August 4, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief Massage Therapy Sessions Help Clients Cope, http://j.mp/2ODkf57 « The Amateur's Guide To Death and Dying

I (Still) Go To Therapy, http://j.mp/2MhIPqs « Soaring Spirits International

Is Everyone Grieving or Is It Just Me? http://j.mp/2McTpPK « Victoria Noe

Voices of Experience: My Second Chapter: Life, Marriage, Family

Source

A great relationship is about two things: first, appreciating the similarities and second, respecting the diffrences.  ~ Anonymous

Michelle Jarvie is a mentor, educator and author of Then and Now: Changed Perspectives of a Young Widow, her book about surviving the traumatic death of her first husband James, who was killed in a motor vehicle crash in 2008. Michelle remarried five years later, and now lives with her husband Sean and their daughter Ruthie in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Connect with her online at MichelleJarvie.com.

Many people ask me, What’s it really like being re-married? My widow(er) friends want to know if I’m as happy as I was in my first marriage, if I compare my two husbands, why I’d risk being a widow again, and most importantly, if my new husband is understanding. Can you talk about James with him? Is he jealous?

In Grief: Terminating A Counseling Relationship

Find the latest version of this post here: 

In Grief: When A Counseling Relationship Is Ending

A reader writes: My situation isn't really typical of the reasons most people join your forums, but I am experiencing terrible grief and it's not something I can talk to anyone about because most people don't recognize or understand it. I feel incredibly alone.

I've seen a counselor for coming up to three years and she has helped me through some of the most difficult times of my life. I have a tough life with a long-term illness and I have a disabled child so I feel really isolated. I've been fortunate enough to see my counselor free at an agency and I feel really close to her. I'm not close to my family at all as I had a tough upbringing and I don't see my friends very often. I'm a single parent since my marriage broke down 5 years ago.

My counselor told me 4 weeks ago that she is leaving the agency due to personal circumstances.

When Delayed Grief Affects Work Performance

A reader writes: I lost my dad ten months ago, while I was in my last year of nursing school. I had to 'tuck in' the grieving process in order to graduate which was my dad's greatest wish for me. He literally said, "Don't stop school for me." I originally felt rejected by him, but now I see he was protecting me again. He had an 8 month battle with pancreatic cancer that was just horrible.

So, I've graduated from nursing school, passed my state boards, and I wish I could give him a big hug. Now that the stress from school is over, I feel like I need to continue the active grieving.

The problem is that I'm messing up at work, which is not new work for me.  Read on here >>>

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 13 - October 19, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Walking Through Grief Video: I'm Grieving, Now What? http://j.mp/1aw9jtF « The Grief Toolbox

Well worth reading! Friday Favorites: Articles about grief, http://j.mp/H5Qp5V « What's Your Grief?

Outstanding! I Am Alone. I Am With You, http://j.mp/19PL3np « Widow's Voice

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 2 - June 8, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A widow's courageous post: May I be blunt? http://j.mp/17xoOoy « Memoirs from Widow Island

Grief Photography How To: Photographing Symbols, http://j.mp/13qnxvu « What's Your Grief?

Must read! Turning the Key http://j.mp/11oVeuf « Widow's Voice

Important Book Review: “When Someone Dies” by Scott Taylor Smith,  http://j.mp/14FgWLj « SevenPonds Blog

Lovely! Loss of a Loved One: Finding Meaning Through Metaphor, http://bit.ly/WaARQe « Roots of Action

Caregiving and Hospice, February 17 - February 23, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Therapy Helps For Traumatized Caregivers, http://nyti.ms/XFbBCP from @PureEssenceLabs via @nytimeshealth

Reclaiming Your Life: National Email Newsletter for @LeezaGibbons Memory Foundation, http://conta.cc/15Cmj1x

Euthanasia’s Euphemisms, http://shar.es/j3ta2 via @_lizzy_ « First Things

For the hearing impaired: How to Turn On Subtitles When Watching Movies at Home, http://j.mp/XHWJU6

Hospice: transitioning from a curative medical model to a life-enhancing one, http://bit.ly/ZmRQQF via @hospicepharmacy