Grieving Without Numbing The Pain

Frequency of drinking is less important than the role that alcohol plays in the life of the grief victim.— Margaret Gerner

A reader writes: It's been a terrible and bumpy ride so far. Yesterday I wasn't too bad—at least not after I saw my grief counselor. This morning I drove our eldest son and his wife to the airport so they could return to their studies in the U.S. I've had all three children, plus one daughter-in-law, with me this past month. We were all at my husband's bedside when he died.

I made the trip to the airport fine. I was able to concentrate on the road, say goodbye without too many tears, and drive home again. Altogether, it was a four-hour trip. When I got home from the airport, I collapsed into tears. It was still early, so the two sons who are staying with me—for now—were still asleep. I took a sedative, then had a glass of wine, followed by another. Nothing helped.

I never drink in the morning. I'm not even usually a drinker, and I'm not the type to use sedatives or sleeping pills. Now I'm wondering if I'm headed down the road to addiction.

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 6 - April 26, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this month:

Grief is already a wild, topsy-turvy rollercoaster, but there’s even more loops and drops when you experience it during a Cambridge term. In my third term of first year a relative, who was an instrumental part in my life, unfortunately passed. I think their passing hit particularly hard for two reasons: one being that we were extremely close, and two because it was the first time someone particularly dear to me had passed, the unfamiliarity of it all making it feel a lot worse . . . Coping with Grief at Cambridge « Varsity

Addiction and Substance Abuse in Grief: Suggested Resources

Remember that just because you hit bottom doesn’t mean you have to stay there.  ~ Robert Downey Jr.

Losing a loved one is one of the most painful experiences a person can endure. Grief can feel overwhelming, unpredictable, and deeply isolating. In an attempt to manage the emotional turmoil, some individuals turn to drugs or alcohol as a way to numb the pain, escape reality, or temporarily quiet their thoughts. While substances may provide short-term relief, they often complicate the healing process, leading to dependency, increased emotional distress, and even long-term mental and physical health consequences. Understanding why people use drugs or alcohol to cope with grief, the risks involved, and healthier alternatives for navigating loss is essential in finding a path toward true healing.

In Grief: Widowed Mom's Drinking Alienates Family

Compassion for our parents is the true sign of maturity. ~ Anaïs Nin

A reader writes: My father passed away last July. My mother and he had a terrible marriage and only stayed together for the "kids," then couldn't afford to live apart. He passed away after a brief illness, but had made my mother's life very difficult. For the last 20 years, they just cohabited together with seperate lives - different bedrooms and even different tv rooms.

I did not have a good relationship with him (nor did my brother) - he was mean, selfish and just not a very nice person to us or anyone else. Nonetheless, I did and still do grieve for him. I also grieved for the father I never had, but I did forgive him before he passed away and was present when he died.

Using Alcohol to Cope with Grief

Frequency of drinking is less important than the role that alcohol plays in the life of the grief victim.  ~ Margaret Gerner

A reader writes: It's been terrible and bumpy ride so far. Yesterday I wasn't too bad - at least not after I saw my grief counselor. This morning I drove our eldest son and his wife to the airport so they could return to their studies in the US. I've had all three kids plus one daughter-in-law with me this last month. We were all at my husband's bedside when he died. I made the trip fine, was able to concentrate on the road, say goodbye without too many tears and drove home again. Altogether a four hour trip. I got home from the airport, and collapsed into tears. It was early, so the two sons left at home - at least for now - were still asleep. I took a sedative, then a glass of wine, then one more glass of wine. Nothing helped.

When Grief Is Complicated or Prolonged

[Reviewed and updated August 29, 2026]

Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.  ~ Dr. Earl A. Grollman 

You may have heard of the controversy over including Prolonged Grief Disorder in the latest edition of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR), which is the most widely used psychiatric reference in the world. For more than a decade, mental health professionals and researchers worked diligently to agree upon specific criteria for identifying and assessing complicated grief ~ in order to obtain payment for treatment and funding for research, to identify those at risk, and to distinguish depression from complicated grief. 

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, February 12 - February 18, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

If Dog Mountain were just a joyful place where dogs can run around, or plop into a nice pond, it would still be pretty special – 150 dog-friendly acres in the scenic hills of northern Vermont. But there is much, much more to this story. It's actually a real tear jerker, sweet but sad.  A dog lover's pilgrimage to Dog Mountain « CBS News

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 6 - November 12, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

More than a million Americans have lost their lives to COVID-19, leading to what some have called a second epidemic of grief. Lockdowns and other factors meant that many people couldn’t process their losses in normal ways with funerals and other gatherings. Prolonged and unaddressed grief can lead to significant mental health problems. Rep. Joe Morelle (D-New York) introduced the Grief Resilience Investment and Education Fund (GRIEF) Act to help combat some of these issues, especially in marginalized communities.  Better Support for Grieving Americans « Home Care

Coping with The Holidays: Suggested Resources, 2022

[Updated December 31, 2022]

The holiest of holidays are those kept by ourselves in silence and apart; the secret anniversaries of the heart.  ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Once again the holiday season is upon us, and for those of us anticipating or coping with the loss of someone dearly loved, the days ahead can be extremely difficult. Triggers are everywhere, stoking memories and reminding us of all we have lost. That is why many community agencies offer programs to assist the bereaved, especially at this time of year. Your local hospice, mortuary or healthcare organization will have information about whatever special offerings and services are available to you in your community. In addition, the Internet abounds with all sorts of articles, books and tips that offer creative and practical ways to cope with the holidays. 

In Grief: Worried About Widowed Mother

Find an updated version of this post here: 

In Grief: Widowed Mom's Drinking Alienates Family 

My father passed away last July. My mother and he had a terrible marriage and only stayed together for the "kids," then couldn't afford to live apart. He passed away after a brief illness, but had made my mother's life very difficult. For the last 20 years, they just cohabited together with seperate lives - different bedrooms and even different tv rooms.

Understanding and Managing Grief: August 30 - September 5, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Hospice nurse Barbara Karnes receives a question from a follower whose father is in hospice care. The family was told 2 weeks ago that the father's death was imminent but he hasn't died. They have questions about what to do next. Dad is dying. Give him fluids? « YouTube

Caregiving and Hospice, January 27 - February 2, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Help for an Alcoholic Struggling with Addiction for 25 Years, http://j.mp/2G4LaFT « Health Journeys

Is It Ever Too Soon To Enter Hospice Care? We Ask Heart of Hospice, http://bit.ly/2CUSIqQ « KPEL965

Why falls and fractures in the elderly can be a trigger for hospice care, http://j.mp/2D7Fasj « The Journal

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 30 - October 6, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Death Guilt: I Feel Like It’s My Fault, http://j.mp/2y8vone « Grief Compass

10 Ways to Overcome Grief-Related Anxiety, http://j.mp/2y95Iqo « Modern Loss

Talking with Kids about a Death from Addiction (Substance Use), http://j.mp/2y6oH4Z « Moyer Foundation

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 24 - June 30, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Just Sit (and Other Simple Steps to Meditate Your Way Through Grief), http://j.mp/2tKw9kb « Modern Loss

I couldn’t fix you, http://j.mp/2ySu3Ev « The Grief Toolbox

Grief Support After An Overdose: Helping Families Heal, http://j.mp/2yO4lB1 « ASD

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 4 - March 10, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Is it time to "get back to life"? Grief doesn't work that way.  http://j.mp/2G8nHAI « Refuge In Grief

How to Tell When Technology Makes Anxiety Worse, http://j.mp/2G6Q7eq « PsychCentral

Tips for Talking with Children about Addiction and Overdose Loss, http://j.mp/2Fu8hWl « Hey Sigmund

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 17 - September 23, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Helping Others to Help Yourself, http://j.mp/2hn3gI4 « Grieve Well

5 Ways Grieving Kids Changed My Own Relationship with Loss, http://j.mp/2hlPju5 « Modern Loss

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief and Ambiguous Loss, http://j.mp/2hlNjhy « Next Avenue

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 2 - July 8, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

When Sobriety Meets Grief (and grief meets sobriety), http://j.mp/2uQ6o0y « What's Your Grief?

When your dearly departed loved one was a bit of a devil, http://j.mp/2uPzPzW « The Fresno Bee

Waters of the New Normal: Developing Resilience After Son's Suicide, http://j.mp/2tR4i3l « Michelle Jarvie

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 26- April 1, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

6 Vital Questions in Bereavement Assessment and Support, http://bit.ly/2oAM2W4 «
Grief Perspectives

Addiction: The Terminal Illness No One Talks About, http://bit.ly/2nymond « Seven Ponds Blog

Updated: Tips for Coping with Sleeplessness in Grief, http://bit.ly/hkoXnZ « Grief Healing

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 28 - September 3, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Your Grief is Terrifying to Those Around You, http://j.mp/2bHW7hL « Grief In Common

Powerful piece on child loss: No Longer the Victim: Emerging From Loss, http://j.mp/2bUONLV « Open to Hope

Pets Grieve Too, http://j.mp/2ci4dxG « Journey Care

Mixing Grief with Alcohol: Will It Lead to Addiction?

Find an updated version of this post here:

Using Alcohol to Cope with Grief

A reader writes: It's been terrible and bumpy ride so far. Yesterday I wasn't too bad - at least not after I saw my grief counselor. This morning I drove our eldest son and his wife to the airport so they could return to their studies in the US. I've had all three kids plus one daughter-in-law with me this last month. We were all at my husband's bedside when he died. I made the trip fine, was able to concentrate on the road, say goodbye without too many tears and drove home again. Altogether a four hour trip. I got home from the airport, and collapsed into tears. It was early, so the two sons left at home - at least for now - were still asleep. I took a sedative, then a glass of wine, then one more glass of wine. Nothing helped.