In Grief: Acknowledging Jealousy and Anger

It would be impossible to estimate how much time and energy we invest in trying to fix, change and deny our emotions ~ especially the ones that shake us at our very core, like hurt, jealousy, loneliness, shame, rage and grief.  ~ Debbie Ford

A reader writes: My counselor came. We talked. I told her about my horrible feelings about other people who have been ill and are recovering. Instead of feeling good for them like a proper empathetic person should do, I feel sorry that they are getting better. How totally awful is that? My counselor said that it's anger that my husband died and they didn't. She said she asked me way back if I felt anger at my husband’s death and I said No. She said now the anger is coming out in resentment that others have survived and my husband has not. I think she may be right. I have struggled with this because it seems such a horrible attitude.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 25 - September 7, 2024

September is National Suicide Prevention Month

Best selections from Grief Healing's most recent X feed:   

Children and teens have their unique way of grieving. Loss tends to affect children in different ways than from adults. Depending on their age, experiences, and maturity levels, all children will have a different grief experience from the next. Oftentimes, a child’s grief is overlooked or overshadowed by adults who may be grieving the same loss as in the case of a sibling or a grandparent that has died. 11 Ways to Help a Grieving Child or Teenager « Cake

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 30 - May 6, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Texas author Dina Gachman shares her story of healing after losing her mother and sister in her book, So Sorry For Your Loss: How I Learned to Live with Grief, and Other Grave Concerns: Author Interview « Texas Standard

Disenfranchised Grief: When A Friend Dies

Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same.  ~ Flavia Weedn

A reader writes: A friend of mine died last month. I have been struggling to cope since then. We met only a few months ago when I did some work at the theater where he was based. We knew each other a very short time and I realize that if you've lost someone you've known for years this may seem so selfish and silly, but we really connected and I miss him so much.

Acknowledging Jealousy and Anger in Grief

A reader writes: My counselor came. We talked. I told her about my horrible feelings about other people who have been ill and are recovering. Instead of feeling good for them like a proper empathetic person should do, I feel sorry that they are getting better. How totally awful is that? My counselor said that it's anger that my husband died and they didn't. She said she asked me way back if I felt anger at my husband’s death and I said No. She said now the anger is coming out in resentment that others have survived and my husband has not. I think she may be right. I have struggled with this because it seems such a horrible attitude.

When people recover I should rejoice, but I don't. I feel disappointed. This seems to make me the most horrible person I ever met. I am being really honest now with you and you are at liberty to think I am a completely awful person. I wasn't like that before I lost my love. I hope this is a temporary state of affairs because it seems to suggest that bereavement, rather than make me a better, more understanding person has made me a monster of unfeeling. Please don't think me a horrible person, just temporarily one maybe?  Read on here >>>

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 21 - August 27, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief is a funny thing (I know it's not), it manages to boomerang into your system in hysterical ways—especially when you think you've learned to live with it. As a human, you can neither cheat nor escape grief—you can, however, shoulder the loss in many different ways, something I’ve ironically learnt from TV shows and films. 5 Movies & Shows That Showcased Grief In A Hauntingly Beautiful Way « Elle

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 17 - March 23, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Disenfranchised: A Grief Counselor Discusses Losing Her Job, http://bit.ly/2trW28h « The Atlantic

What If the Deceased is Despised? http://j.mp/2TQYRiY « Hospice Matters

Bereavement Researcher: We Must Do Better for the Grief-Stricken, http://j.mp/2Whyy2h « NextAvenue

Death of A Friend: A Disenfranchised Grief

Find the updated version of this post here:

Disenfranchised Grief: When A Friend Dies

A reader writes: A friend of mine died last month. I have been struggling to cope since then. We met only a few months ago when I did some work at the theater where he was based. We knew each other a very short time and I realize that if you've lost someone you've known for years this may seem so selfish and silly, but we really connected and I miss him so much . . . There wasn't a funeral. If there was one, it was a family only affair. I have no contact with anyone else who knew him. 

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 14 - October 20, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Anxiety and Grief After Losing a Loved One, http://j.mp/2Ail3az « NextAvenue

Review: Sorry For Your Loss is a heartfelt glossary of grief,  http://j.mp/2AjfIzO  « The Spinoff

In Her Defense, I Defined My Journey, http://j.mp/2QZBz4G « Grief Watch

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 3 - September 9, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Are you grieving "for" a not so nice person? See "What's In A Preposition? A Grammar for Grieving," http://j.mp/2xcgwFv « Offbeat Compassion

Finding Hope Again, http://j.mp/2eMkcDo « The Grief Toolbox

Romance May Not Be the Answer after Loss, http://j.mp/2eM81Xi « Second Firsts

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 2 - July 8, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

When Sobriety Meets Grief (and grief meets sobriety), http://j.mp/2uQ6o0y « What's Your Grief?

When your dearly departed loved one was a bit of a devil, http://j.mp/2uPzPzW « The Fresno Bee

Waters of the New Normal: Developing Resilience After Son's Suicide, http://j.mp/2tR4i3l « Michelle Jarvie

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 5 - June 11, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Stifled Grief: How the West Has It Wrong, http://j.mp/1OilF33 « One Fit Widow

How Social Media Expands the Space Between Mourning and Grief, http://j.mp/1OdY837 « The Atlantic

Explaining Daddy's Suicide: Pictures by Emily Vaden, http://j.mp/2193g9P « The Gift of Second

In Grief: Feeling Guilty for Feeling Happy

[Reviewed and updated September 23, 2024]

“And I can't be running back and forth forever between grief and high delight.”  ~ J.D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey

A reader writes: Six months ago whilst my world was going good for a change and I was expecting the birth of my beautiful baby girl, I got a phone call from the police in the middle of the night, informing me that my 19-year-old brother had taken his own life. This was two weeks before my due date. I was devastated and very confused whilst trying to figure out if I should be upset or happy that I was soon to be a mum. Being in such shock I was admitted into hospital so they could monitor my baby and give me something to help me sleep. Making things worse, his funeral was planned and took place on my due date. Knowing that I had to keep my baby safe, I spent the week keeping it together and trying not to get upset or cry. Although ten days overdue, my gorgeous little bundle arrived and I could not have been happier -- but I'm still riddled with guilt about being so happy at a time when I should have been in the pits of despair. At the same time, I have had to put on a brave face and smile even though most of the time I want to break down and cry. And I cannot let my baby see me sad because this is supposed to be a happy time.