In Grief: Offering Survivor Support to Insurance Beneficiaries

Since the 17th century, insurance agents have been the foremost experts on risk.  ~ Charles Duhigg

An insurance representative writes: So nice having dinner with you the other night. I'm writing to thank you for sharing with me a copy of your book, Finding Your Way Through Grief: A Guide for the First Year. You may not believe this, but I read the entire book on the plane coming home Sunday. I found so many situations that I have seen in real life doing "Survivor Support" counseling, that I couldn't put the book down. I think it would be a most appropriate reading for 90% of my clients.

Here are some random thoughts in no particular order which I made notes about while reading:

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 14 - April 20, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

A pediatric clinician shares the rewards and challenges of working with terminally ill children and their families. Terminally Ill Pediatric Patients and the Grieving Therapist « Psychotherapy.net

Voices of Experience: Get Over It (maybe not all of it)

Losing a mate to death is devastating but it's not a personal attack like divorce. When somebody you love stops loving you and walks away, it's an insult beyond comparison.  ~ Sue Merrell

Brenda Johnson thought her life was predictable until a sunny Saturday when her husband announced he wasn't happy. Stunned by the message, she picked her heart up off the floor and biked to the farmers market. When she began to live alone, her life was normal as she moved into each day with music from the last, but sadness lingered too long after a reasonable divorce with no hate, theft, or slander. Weary of tears, her mantra became, "Get over it!" Her memoir chronicles her family’s early years and the years after her husband left, when it took too long to get over the tears. The stories of before and after divorce, sprinkled with humor and sorrow, are familiar to anyone who has experienced loss.

Take Care in Seeking Comfort and Support in Grief

You need many teachers, not one teacher; you need many gurus, not one guru; you need many books not one book!  ~ Mehmet Murat ildan

A reader writes: One of my recent problems has to to do with a book I’m reading, consisting mainly of writings and 'lectures' by a man who claims to be an actual avatar, a real embodiment of God Itself, and whose claims of how things really are, and how a continuing life might be for anyone, are very, very close to what I already believed to be the most logical and sensible way things probably worked. BUT, a few of the things he says have also been not only different, but quite frightening, at least to me.

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 3 - March 9, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Asking yourself about the grief process and overdoing this work is a great insight that is always good to examine. I hadn’t thought of the possibility of working so hard at grief that it could be a distraction from stepping into life, but it makes great sense and is a profound insight. The importance of taking time for 'recess' in the grief process « Taos News

Voices of Experience: What You Want Your Loved Ones To Know When You Die

Rusty Rosman spent years helping her parents and her in-laws as they aged. Over the years, Rusty saw many of their friends and their families conflicted over final arrangements and family confrontations. After making sure the parents updated their estate planning, Rusty encouraged them to write out their final wishes for their funerals, mourning period and then, what they wanted done with their belongings that weren’t covered in their legal documents. Rusty is one of four children. Having her parents put their wishes in writing made the heartbreaking experience of a parent’s death much easier for all four of them to navigate—because they had their parents’ wishes in writing. From that experience, Two Envelopes:What You Want Your Loved Ones To Know When You Die was born. 

Here Rusty encourages us to convey our final wishes to family and loved ones by preparing our own two envelopes:

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 5 - November 11, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

I have lost many loved ones suddenly within the span of just a year—and this new period of my life has felt incredibly strange, confusing and chaotic. I’m used to seeing grief portrayed in movies, TV shows and even video games, but I never quite understood what it felt like to actually grieve. Nothing could have prepared me for the struggles I’ve had to face, especially as an already overwhelmed college student. A year later, though, I’ve decided to give myself the opportunity to finally talk about the realities of grief. If you’re struggling like me, then maybe you can find some comfort in my personal reflections. My journey through grief « The Case Western Reserve Observer

Voices of Experience: Communications, Dreams, and Synchronicities

Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.  ~ Francis of Assissi

In her deeply honest and inspiring memoir, Watching for Dragonflies: A Caregiver’s Transformative Journey, author Suzanne Marriott explores how caregiving for her husband throughout his journey with chronic illness allowed her to gain a spiritual awareness that would ultimately help her through her own medical crisis and into a place of healing and solace.

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 30 - May 6, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Texas author Dina Gachman shares her story of healing after losing her mother and sister in her book, So Sorry For Your Loss: How I Learned to Live with Grief, and Other Grave Concerns: Author Interview « Texas Standard

Voices of Experience: Saying Yes to Help (Saying Yes to Everything)

Never say "there are no words" to the grieving.  ~ Colin Campbell 

In his new book, author Colin Campbell offers an honest account of his journey through profound loss and grief, while providing guidance and practical tools for others going through similar experiences. Loss and grief are universal experiences but too often shrouded in isolation and discomfort.

Finding the Words: Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose is a powerful and personal exploration of grief, as a bereft father shares his experience of losing both his children, Ruby and Hart when a drunk driver hit their car, and changed what was a pleasant family outing to the worst day imaginable. Colin Campbell addresses the fear, pain, denial, guilt, rage, despair and isolation that accompanies grief and encourages readers to find community and ritual in the face of loss. 

Voices of Experience: Navigating Grief in the Wake of A Husband's Suicide

After taking her sons on a hike with the family dog one beautiful fall afternoon, Charlotte Maya returned home to find a police woman, a policeman, and a priest in her driveway—there to deliver the news of her husband’s suicide. Charlotte knew her husband had been stressed about work, but she had no idea he was suicidal. She thought he had stayed home to take a nap. 

As a young widow, Charlotte cried, cursed, meditated, medicated, downward-dogged, and ran as a way to make sense of her husband’s suicide. As the mother of two bereft sons, she summoned her inner strength and clarity in order to provide steady guidance for them to navigate their own ways through the ensuing months and years. Her story offers intimate moments, powerful lessons, as well as practical ways through which not only suicide survivors but any of us experiencing loss can move forward to live lives of joy and purpose.

Voices of Experience: Heartbreak to Hope

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words. ~ Robert Frost

People who are mourning a loss often don’t have the mental ability to focus on books, so the short length of a poem is a perfect fit. Each of the poems in Kara Bowman's Heartbreak to Hope: Poems of Support for Grief and Loss captures a different aspect of grief. Readers will find their experience reflected on the pages in accessible and easily understood vignettes. They will feel less alone knowing that others have experienced the same feelings. They will move through the process of grief, having words for their emotions. And they will treasure this volume, coming back to their favorites time and time again for comfort and understanding.

Voices of Experience: Slipping Away

Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.  ~ Ann Landers

Silver Butterfly Wings is a story of transformation, of the many paths and decisions Wendy Willow faced while going through the process of grief. The death of her husband left her utterly shattered, unable to imagine a life without him. Then signs from the other side appeared, filling her with hope: flickering lights, hawks flying overhead, their song on the radio, a butterfly’s silvery wings, a hot spot on his side of the bed. At first she was sceptical. How could her dearly departed be sending signs and messages from across the veil?

Voices of Experience: Are You Still Mine?

One of the most effective ways to help children understand normal grief reactions ~ their own and that of the people around them ~  is to tell them a story, or you can read together one of the many wonderful children's books now available on loss, dying, death and grief.  ~ Marty Tousley

Former children’s book editor Jayne Pillemer has penned a moving story to help kids work through feelings of grief. In the wake of COVID-19 and with school shootings at a record high in the U.S. according to the National Center for Education Statistics, thoughtful books like Pillemer’s are an essential balm to the soul, nurturing hope in grieving hearts.

In “Still Mine,” Pillemer’s lyrical writing and Sheryl Murray’s sweet illustrations offer gentle comfort and reassurance to anyone who has experienced loss that you still carry those you love with you in the smallest things—and in your heart—forever.

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 11 - September 17, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

From curling up in a ball to shaking to feeling disconnected grief gets into every fibre of our being. Psychotherapist and grief counsellor Julia Samuel has this self-care advice - including why exercise is so important. What is the best thing to do for grief? « Get The Gloss

Voices of Experience: Beyond Loss in a Pandemic

The time of COVID-19 has been characterized as an ongoing traumatic event that has exacerbated the grief process and made it more complicated.  ~ Linda Donovan  

Having experienced the loss of loved ones both before and during the pandemic, author Linda Donovan has developed compassionate and practical ways to help guide people through these challenging times and beyond. Her book Beyond Loss in a Pandemic: Find Hope and Move Through Grief After Someone Close to You Dies provides a comprehensive road map for healing after loss. Donovan has helped countless people through her volunteer work with hospice, where she provides grief support services. She shares how she was able to overcome her own grief, along with stories about how people can deal with a wide range of difficult, complex situations and yet emerge from loss with resilience and insight.

Voices of Experience: Living After My Son's Suicide

On the afternoon of December 23, 2011, Judi Merriam's eighteen-year-old son, Jenson, took his life ~ an act that blindsided everyone who knew him ~ changing her life and those of her family forever. The suicide of a loved one is devastating for those left behind and brings deep despair and seemingly endless grief. Judi was forced to confront profound feelings of loss and guilt and a future so very different from what she thought it would be. In her honest and soul-searching memoir, Empty Shoes by The Door, Judi reflects with grace and courage on the experience of living life after an unfathomable loss.

Voices of Experience: A Promise At Passing

The author at age 2 with her grandmother,
sharing the love of literature 

Author J. Ivanel Johnson shares here the inspiration bestowed upon her by her grandmother through many decades ~ and how a death-bed promise she made to her 30 years ago has finally been kept. She explains how keeping promises made to a passing loved one keeps them close, and may help alleviate any guilt felt at the time of their death.

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 17 - April 23, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Bioethicist Arthur Caplan discusses the tragedy of people dying alone, especially during COVID, and how we should change that. COVID-19: The Sadness of Dying Alone -- What Can We Do? « Medscape

Voices of Experience: Feeling Fate

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in our philosophy.  ~ Hamlet, The Tragedy of Hamlet (First Folio), Act 1, Scene 5

My own suspicion is that the universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.  ~ J.B.S. Haldane, scientist

From nearly the start of her fairy-tale romance, Joni Sensel knew she would lose the man whose love changed her life. A dark premonition had warned her. Though she kept this secret in their short time together, upon his death she’s compelled to share it in a letter addressed to his spirit. By sharing the story of her premonition, Joni hopes to encourage others to reflect on their own numinous experiences, and to share them without shame or hesitation. The following excerpt comes from her book, Feeling Fate: A Memoir of Love, Intuition, and Spirit, and is reprinted here with her publisher’s permission.