After a Child’s Murder: What Parents Need to Know About Guilt, Grief, and Survival

When working with families and friends of people who have been murdered I find that the operative verb is never died but was killed . . . Being killed is seen as different from dying; it's unnatural, a form of theft, an act of taking something from you and your loved ones. What is taken is a person's life and all of its promise for future joy and happiness, companionship, and accomplishment. It is the most precious commodity one can steal and the greatest loss one can suffer.  ~ Helen Fitzgerald

A reader writes: I’m writing this letter in hopes of finding some peace. It will be three years next month that my son was murdered. He was only 18.

Voices of Experience: Heartbreak to Hope

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words. ~ Robert Frost

People who are mourning a loss often don’t have the mental ability to focus on books, so the short length of a poem is a perfect fit. Each of the poems in Kara Bowman's Heartbreak to Hope: Poems of Support for Grief and Loss captures a different aspect of grief. Readers will find their experience reflected on the pages in accessible and easily understood vignettes. They will feel less alone knowing that others have experienced the same feelings. They will move through the process of grief, having words for their emotions. And they will treasure this volume, coming back to their favorites time and time again for comfort and understanding.

In Grief: Finding Comfort in Writings

But words are things, and a small drop of ink, falling like dew upon a thought, produces that which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think.  ~ Lord Byron

A reader writes: We are all on a rough journey, a journey with no map and our companion is not by our side as we know it, but if we move ahead forward at whatever pace we so choose and find comfort in some way we have traveled far...I enjoy seeking these poems/writings as they are indeed comforting and they stimulate your thought process allowing you to really see the light so to speak. 

Having a bumpy ride this week, this has helped....grab a tissue...

Voices of Experience: Offering Comfort

But words are things, and a small drop of ink, 
Falling like dew, upon a thought, produces
That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think.  ~ Lord Byron

When Barbara Abercrombie’s husband died, she found the language of condolence, no matter how well intended, often unhelpful and sometimes downright irritating. In her grief, she yearned for words that acknowledged the reality of what it felt like to survive a loved one’s death, and that could unflinchingly speak to the sorrow and loneliness (and sometimes even guilt and anger) that can show up in the mourning process. 

In searching for a book that she could read during her time of grief, Barbara came up short. Every book she looked at was either too clinical or too flowery. So she started collecting selected writings that resonated with her personal experience of mourning, and The Language of Loss: Poetry and Prose for Grieving and Celebrating the Love of Your Life began to form. Here she shares how she came to write "the book I needed when my husband died."

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 2 - February 15, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream:

The celebrities we admire often function as blank screens that we project fantasies of ourselves on as heroes, saviors, or romantic figures. A grief educator explains why the death of a celebrity feels like a personal loss, and what we can do about it, https://j.mp/38nDZDe « Business Insider

To experience the richness of life once again, we need to grieve. Closure May Be a Myth, but Grief is a Necessity, https://j.mp/3bC3Edm « P.S. I Love You

Belleruth Naparstek of Health Journeys responds to an interesting question from Patty. ASK BR: Dealing with IBS & Fear of Dying, https://j.mp/2SkpXNb « YouTube

Voices of Experience: Winter Grief

Source

by David Whyte

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.  ~ Robert Frost

The grief of losing a loved one: the need to walk, to remember, to heal when you cannot heal; to remember what you do not wish to remember. The unconscious call for invisible help, and the not knowing consciously, how, in any way, to ask for it; the way everything refuses to console until we are ready for that consolation. The way winter turns to spring. ~ DW

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 23 - June 29, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

It Hurts Each Time you say "Suicide is Preventable" by Kelley Ford, http://j.mp/2YdJG1G « The Gift of Second

Grief Poems: The After Loss Credo, http://j.mp/2YpJI6N « AfterTalk

What's the Right Thing to Say When Someone Is Grieving? http://j.mp/2ZUoYEt « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 9 - September 15, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

It is a scary thing to fall in love again after loss, https://tinyurl.com/y8jrlrzj « Second Firsts

Book Review: "The Cremation of Sam McGee" by Robert Service,  http://j.mp/2MpQzWV « Seven Ponds Blog

Terminally Ill Father "Walks" Daughter Down The Wedding Aisle, http://j.mp/2MvizIv « Seven Ponds Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 20 - November 26, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

After a Suicide; Surviving a Suicide Loss, http://bit.ly/2fgJri4 « Vimeo

The Legacy Lives on at Maui Pasta Company, http://bit.ly/2fwLawE « Maui Now

In the After ~ http://bit.ly/2gnQWBy « Soaring Spirits International

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 3 - April 9, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Updated today: Tips for Coping with Sleeplessness in Grief, http://bit.ly/hkoXnZ « Grief Healing

What You Give Me, http://j.mp/1Vblvfj « Widower's Grief

The Rules of Grief Are for Other People, https://shar.es/1jml2W « The Good Men Project

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 5 - April 11, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

How Can a Labyrinth Help in the Grieving Process? http://j.mp/1PwFP6A « SevenPonds Blog

Jane Hirshfield On Turning To Poetry In Grief, http://j.mp/1yiTMQc « KUOW.org

In Grief: Us vs. Them, http://j.mp/1ylbL8T « Alive in Memory

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 23 - November 29, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Give Thanks for the Teachings of Trees, http://j.mp/1xYBZwd « Elaine Mansfield

Brilliant: What No One Ever Told Me About Grief, http://j.mp/1vJMfr7 « Open to Hope

Random Acts of Kindness, http://j.mp/1vSNIMH « Open to Hope

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 5 - October 11, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In Grief: Dreading The Anniversary Date of A Loved One's Death, http://j.mp/1pVEyuE « Grief Healing Blog

After-Death Communication: A List of Resources, http://j.mp/fiWZXV « Grief Healing Blog

A Poet On Losing HIs Son: Edward Hirsch, Author Of Gabriel: A Poem, http://j.mp/1slppmS « NPR

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 28 - October 4, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Finding Grief Support That is Right for You, http://j.mp/zCUOOB « Grief Healing Blog

Funeral etiquette: Why some people behave so badly, http://j.mp/1pv8hGx « Detroit Free Press

A child's perspective: Death Is A Very, Very Long Time, But Not Forever, http://j.mp/YUM6SW « GriefMinister.com

Surviving A Child's Homicide

A reader writes: I’m writing this letter in hopes of finding some peace. It will be three years next month that my son was murdered. He was only 18. His mother and I were divorced when he was very young. At that time it was heart- breaking, knowing I would only see my son every other weekend. The years went by ever so quickly. Then he reached the tender teenage years and it seemed I lost control. My son was changing for the worst and there was nothing I could do to stop it. His mother and I had lost communication years prior. Those were years of lies and holding back vital information of my son’s dealings. Making a long story short, my son was dealing marijuana. When his life was taken, my life as I once knew it ceased to exist. Read on here >>>

Coping with Pet Loss, September 7 - September 13, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Sunday 9/14 is National Pet Memorial Day, http://j.mp/1qPlBs9 « Grief Healing Blog

5 Strategies for Surviving the Loss of a Pet, http://j.mp/1qTgPdc « Vetstreet

How to Heal Your Heart: Dealing with Pet Loss the Best Way I Know How, http://j.mp/1lXT04N « Living the Dream

Caregiving and Hospice, June 22 - June 28, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

16 questions to ask when choosing a hospice, http://j.mp/1q1CcZK
« Kevin MD

Guided Imagery and PTSD: A Different Approach to Treatment, http://j.mp/1obt3fQ « NICABM

Beautiful: Before Night Falls: Hospice nursing in pictures, http://j.mp/1vf9C6H « The New York Times

Helping a Child with Pet Loss

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.  ~ Winnie the Pooh

A reader writes: Today my cat Mischief died! She was the best cat in the world! She died with my parents at our house. I am VERY heart-broken! Besides my dogs she was the only friend that would NEVER get mad at me!!! I mean this is a lot for me to go through at the small age of 10! Do you know of any ways for me to cope but never forget the good times we had?

Voices of Experience: Grief, 44 Long Months Later

Source

by Mary Friedel-Hunt, MA, LCSW

No matter how much time has passed since the death of someone dearly loved, the harsh reality of all that's been lost is still enough to bring us to our knees.

yesterday and forever

here it comes again and again
...the 27th of another month
now 44 long long months.
how can they feel like yesterday
and forever at the same time?

Voices of Experience: The Fire Circle of Healing

The following is a warm and personal gift from guest blogger Mary Friedel-Hunt, MA, LCSW:

Shortly after my husband and beloved soulmate Bill died in 2010, I scouted the Internet looking for a solid, well moderated grief support group. I live in a rural town where in-person grief support groups are hard to come by. I am also a psychotherapist, and it was important to me that the group reflect the professional quality and integrity I had practiced in my own clinic for almost 40 years. 

After checking out many sites, I came upon the on-line grief support group sponsored by Hospice of the Valley.