In Grief: Doing The Work of Mourning

If I think of the real work of grief as doing whatever I can to keep my heart open, to feel and to face every stitch of both pain and love, without somehow abandoning myself in the process, well – that’s “work” I can get behind. That’s work I understand. ~ Megan Devine

A reader writes: It has been a year and 3 months since my best friend died. I think I've moved thru alot of the intensity of my grief and now what I feel left with is something similar to the wreckage after a train wreck. I feel so afraid...so removed from the person I used to be. I am not myself...my old self. I kinda expected that, but I feel so unmoved by life right now. Nothing seems to thrill me...in fact everything seems to be a struggle to do.

Using Avoidance or Denial to Cope with Loss

Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature's way of letting in only as much as we can handle. ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

A reader writes: I feel extremely depressed. My father, who is my best friend and closest person to me, passed away. Ever since I was little, I was always afraid he'd be taken away from me; he and I were very close, and he was the best father any person could ask for. He's the type of father who'd drive you around town for hours when you needed some last minute item for your school project that's due the next day. He's the type of father who will buy your favorite foods and secretly put it in your fridge. He's the type of father who will drop everything to listen when you're having a problem. We hugged each other every day, and I always told him I loved him. Why did this happen? I must be such a horrible person to be punished in this way.

In Grief: Feeling Pressured to "Move On"

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.  ~ Robert Frost

A reader writes: I was married to a wonderful man for 26 years. At the age of 45 he suffered a massive heart attack and was given a life expectancy of two to five years, but with pacemakers, meds, and various procedures, he was able to be with us another ten years. They were not always easy years, as illness does not bring out the best in any of us. Nevertheless, we fell back in love and had the opportunity and blessing of this past year. We grew very close and he was my best friend. We have a grown son that my husband cherished. My question is this: Why after only six weeks do others think my son needs to move on?????

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 24 - November 30, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

When I count the blessings in my life, I find that what I value most are the treasures that are free: my family members and loved ones, my friends, neighbors and colleagues ~ and most certainly my clients, readers and followers ~ fellow travelers in life's journeys, as together we find our way through the challenges of caregiving, loss and grief. Counting Blessings and Giving Thanks « Grief Healing

Making Time and Space for Grief

It is said that Time soothes mourning ~ No, Time makes nothing happen; it merely makes the emotivity of mourning pass. ~ Roland Barthes

A reader writes: The selfishness in me is getting the best of me right now. I know grieving is normal but this takes the cake. I do agree with the idea of putting one foot in front of the other, as I have to do that each and every day. I have 3 kids to live for and take care of. (I love doing that). I can also tell when I step over my own two feet ~ you know the feeling, as if it’s your first day on your new feet, it is a hard day. And not having the choice to stay in bed is hard but I cannot. Not any day! Let me ask this question: Do you think that because we (I) have to go go go every day that it makes it even harder and longer that we take to heal because we have not had the chance to hide and cry and however we do grief?

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 14 - January 27, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

There is a rising tide of positivity around the new year that can feel difficult for those suffering. Ambitious goals and resolutions can exacerbate discouragement or grief. An alternative approach is to focus on ways to steady and support yourself. How to Approach 2024 if Heavy-Hearted or Grief-Stricken « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 17 - December 30, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Much about growing older involves loss: of physical strength, mental acuity, and social relevance. Learning to view death as a prelude to something larger is a skill we can begin while still alive. As we learn to drop away the extraneous, the essential can shine through more clearly. The Grief of Growing Older « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 3 - December 9, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

It’s now widely accepted that the lingering residue of unprocessed shame, grief and trauma remains in the body and can lead to depression, persistent pain and even death. What is often diagnosed as depression is actually low-level, chronic grief, shame and despair. When we avoid feeling and fully expressing our pain, we resign ourselves to a life lived in this dimmed existence. And we don’t even realise that we’re doing it. How Our Grief Opens Us Up to Life « The Good Men Project

In Grief: Sorting a Loved One's Personal Belongings

[Reviewed and updated May 22, 2026]

If the future seems overwhelming, remember that it comes one moment at a time.  ~ Beth Mende Conny

A reader writes:  When you have a bajillion things that have to be done, but you can't do anything because grief has taken control of you, what gets you going again? I've been doing pretty well, two months into my journey. But I haven't done much with my husband's personal belongings. So far, I've been telling myself to wait to tackle all this until I feel stronger. But now I'm getting anxious that these tasks are piling up around me. I'm confused about what to do first, and my inner parent is telling me, 'These things won't go away, slacker. You have to do something about them, ASAP.'

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 5 - November 11, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

I have lost many loved ones suddenly within the span of just a year—and this new period of my life has felt incredibly strange, confusing and chaotic. I’m used to seeing grief portrayed in movies, TV shows and even video games, but I never quite understood what it felt like to actually grieve. Nothing could have prepared me for the struggles I’ve had to face, especially as an already overwhelmed college student. A year later, though, I’ve decided to give myself the opportunity to finally talk about the realities of grief. If you’re struggling like me, then maybe you can find some comfort in my personal reflections. My journey through grief « The Case Western Reserve Observer

In Grief: How Can I Go On?

You never really stop missing someone — you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence. ~ Alyson Noel

A reader writes: I am so lost. My mother-in-law died a week ago. I loved her so much. She was wonderful with my children (I have four) and she raised a wonderful son. I am grateful to her for all she added to my life. For the last decade I spent time with her nearly every day. I looked forward to seeing her after taking my children to school, enjoying a cup of coffee and her company. We seldom had conversations about anything beyond the family. She offered me advice when I asked for it but never butted in or criticized. I miss her so much.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, June 4 - June 10, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The journey of healing can feel overwhelming. But by employing cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, you can find comfort and strength to move forward and take back control of your life. The Resilient Grief Remedy « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, February 5 - February 11, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

February 14 can be a difficult day for those of us who are grieving, and for some it will be the first Valentine’s Day since our precious Valentine died. For us there is no celebration; there is only grief. Grief Rituals Can Help on Valentine's Day (Or Any Special Day) « Grief Healing

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 25 - December 31, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Personal Perspective: Time brings healing, but also heartbreak. In grief, we must come to terms with leaving our loved ones behind in time. The passage of time is necessary for healing, but at the same time can be painful. Love is impervious to the effects of time. Grief and The Passage of Time « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 24 - July 30, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The language of closure can often create confusion and false hope for those experiencing loss. Individuals who are grieving feel more supported when they are allowed time to learn to live with their loss and not pushed to find closure. Pushing 'closure' after trauma can be harmful to people grieving – here's what you can do instead « The Conversation

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, May 15 - May 28, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Originally designated as a day “to cherish tenderly the memory of our heroic dead,” Memorial Day is held on the last Monday of May each year. The holiday offers us a great opportunity to recognize and honor the sacrifice of these dedicated service members and their families. Making the Most of Memorial Day « Grief Healing

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 20 - February 26, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Talk of death is often avoided around children, unless the loss must be confronted. Approaching the subject, even when necessary, can leave caregivers uncertain about how to address it and what to say.  When a loved one is lost: Working through grief with a child « Columbia Missourian

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 13 - February 19, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The grief of chronic illness extends beyond grief over the loss of our health. We mourn the loss of our place in the world. 4 Losses We Mourn With Chronic Illness « MSN

Grief Healing Discussion Group Members Ask, How Long Can We Stay?

A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.  ~ Brene Brown

Those of us in mourning often wonder how long the pain of grief will last. As I’ve often observed, I think this is like asking how high is up, because the time it takes to process grief simply cannot be measured. Grief has no timeline, and for most of us, we’ll never stop loving and missing the one we have loved and lost. Nor will we ever stop needing the understanding and support of others, even as we worry that our needs might one day exceed their willingness and capacity to help.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, October 10 - October 16, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The loss of a pet can be very painful; for us animal lovers, it can hit as hard as losing a human loved one. This pain isn’t helped by a lack of understanding and social support many of us experience after losing a pet. However, a new study reveals that saying goodbye to a pet can be as painful as losing a human loved one, and here’s why. Why losing a dog feels the same as losing a loved one « Newsner