Using Avoidance or Denial to Cope with Loss

Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature's way of letting in only as much as we can handle. ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

A reader writes: I feel extremely depressed. My father, who is my best friend and closest person to me, passed away. Ever since I was little, I was always afraid he'd be taken away from me; he and I were very close, and he was the best father any person could ask for. He's the type of father who'd drive you around town for hours when you needed some last minute item for your school project that's due the next day. He's the type of father who will buy your favorite foods and secretly put it in your fridge. He's the type of father who will drop everything to listen when you're having a problem. We hugged each other every day, and I always told him I loved him. Why did this happen? I must be such a horrible person to be punished in this way.

Teen Grief: Worried About My Daughter

[Reviewed and updated November 12, 2024]

Avoidance has never been a great tactic in solving any problem. For most situations in life, not addressing what's going on only makes matters worse.  ~ Luvvie Ajayi

A reader writes: My daughter is 16. Her brother was 17 when he was killed three months ago. As we live where there is no other family she had to be the second one to identify his body. She won't talk. It's like he never existed. I have tried getting her to counseling but she isn't interested. The counselor told me to just be here for her when she needs me and that she is taking her cues from me. But I am really worried that if she bottles this up it will compound later on. I'm not so sure I am right. Can you shed some light please?

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 5 - December 11, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

I’ve attended vigils and memorials and trials. But nothing brings back the dead. And so we have to learn to live with loss, as impossible as it can feel sometimes. These are some things that ease the pain of grief from someone who’s been there.  People should not run from their grief « The Bona Venture

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 21 - January 27, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

An Open Letter to Bereaved Parents and Others, http://j.mp/2G8jDAg « Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

Avoiding Grief: Why It Doesn’t Work, http://j.mp/2G85vqO « The Grief Toolbox

Ask Annah: How Can I Fix My Grief Pain? http://j.mp/2G206RY « The Five Facets

In Grief: Worried About My Daughter

Find the latest version of this post here:

Teen Grief: Worried About My Daughter

A reader writes: My daughter is 16. Her brother was 17 when he was killed three months ago. As we live where there is no other family she had to be the second one to identify his body. She won't talk. It's like he never existed. I have tried getting her to counseling but she isn't interested. The counselor told me to just be here for her when she needs me and that she is taking her cues from me. But I am really worried that if she bottles this up it will compound later on. I'm not so sure I am right. Can you shed some light please?

In Grief: Using Denial to Cope with Loss

Find the latest version of this post here:

Using Avoidance and Denial to Cope with Loss

Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature's way of letting in only as much as we can handle. ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

A reader writes: I feel extremely depressed. My father, who is my best friend and closest person to me, passed away. Ever since I was little, I was always afraid he'd be taken away from me; he and I were very close, and he was the best father any person could ask for. He's the type of father who'd drive you around town for hours when you needed some last minute item for your school project that's due the next day. He's the type of father who will buy your favorite foods and secretly put it in your fridge. He's the type of father who will drop everything to listen when you're having a problem. We hugged each other every day, and I always told him I loved him. Why did this happen? I must be such a horrible person to be punished in this way.

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 15 - February 21, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Art of Grieving, http://j.mp/1qDNYXP « Peace Through Grief

A Response to the Online Flurry About "Complicated Grief," http://j.mp/1MI2MCv « Personal Growth and Grief Support Center

5 Ideas for Facing Deathiversaries, http://j.mp/1F9Z8eO « Modern Loss