Mixing Grief, Medication, and Alcohol: A Dangerous Combination

Heavy use of drugs or alcohol can intensify the experience of grief and depression and impair the bereavement process. ~ J. William Worden

A reader writes: I wonder if I might turn out to become one of those complicated grief people. I have all the risk factors. I'm not usually a drinker or a drug taker -- I've been regularly using alcohol and Serax (oxazepam) since my husband died. The same thing happened after we got his diagnosis a year ago, but when we received some positive news that they might be able to beat the cancer or at least control it - I was able to cut out the oxazepam and reduce drinking to a glass of wine a day. Then he suddenly died - and we were completely unprepared. Even the doctors were surprised.

Using Music to Move Through Grief

When you're happy, you enjoy the music. But, when you're sad, you understand the lyrics.  ~ Frank Ocean

People have known for centuries that music touches the human soul. We know intuitively that music affects us in profound and healing ways, both emotionally and physically, and present-day research demonstrates this to be true. In health care settings such as hospitals, clinics and hospices, music therapy is found to be remarkably effective in helping to calm patients, reduce stress, ease muscle tension, promote movement and manage pain.

In Grief: Making Big Decisions After Major Loss

Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful. ~ José N. Harris

A reader writes: Two months ago we lost our 18-year-old son in a traffic accident just two blocks from our home. He was driving alone. We are talking about moving because my wife can't drive by the intersection anymore and does not feel comfortable in the home. I need some advice on the subject of moving. Would this be good, bad, or too soon? Would we regret a move later down the road? Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

In Grief: Mixing Drugs with Alcohol

[Reviewed and updated April 29, 2024]

Heavy use of drugs or alcohol can intensify the experience of grief and depression and impair the bereavement process.  ~ J. William Worden

A reader writes: I wonder if I might turn out to become one of those complicated grief people. I have all the risk factors. I'm not usually a drinker or a drug taker -- I've been regularly using alcohol and Serax (oxazepam) since my husband died. The same thing happened after we got his diagnosis a year ago, but when we received some positive news that they might be able to beat the cancer or at least control it - I was able to cut out the oxazepam and reduce drinking to a glass of wine a day. Then he suddenly died - and we were completely unprepared. Even the doctors were surprised.

When Attending A Funeral Triggers Grief

Find the latest version of this post here:

In Grief: Saying The Wrong Thing at A Funeral

A reader writes: I don't know why I'm so unable to say the right thing at the right time but for some reason I just seem to put my foot into my mouth and make so many ridiculous comments. I decided to go to a funeral of a person I was acquainted with through a church activity group. She died last Sunday and her funeral was yesterday. All I could do was think about my mom and I was crying for the loss of my mom more so than I was crying for the loss of this friend. I felt sadness for her family and could see they were going through the same things that I did when my mom died three months ago.

In Grief: Self-Care As A Way Of Paying Homage

[Reviewed and updated July 11, 2021]

Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.  ~ Christopher Germer

A reader writes: It's been nine months since my wife and best friend of 57 years died. I still have my bad days, but I am noticing now that the good days outnumber the bad days. I spend a lot of time on the computer going to grief sites and reading everything I can get my hands on about grief. I'm still hiding in my shell but at least I'm trying to get back to the real world. It's tough, but I will win this battle and my beloved will always be in my heart, never forgotten and never said goodbye to. I just wanted to say thank you for all your help and God bless you.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, October 20 - October 26, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Join us for a webinar discussion on when and how medication may be an effective support to help survivors along their grief journey. on December 3, 2019, 12 - 1:30 p.m. Understanding the Role of Medication in Grief Webinar, https://j.mp/2Wat5vs « TAPS Institute

Overwhelming loss can leave us vulnerable and unable to cope. That's why taking care of yourself is so critical. Taming the Grief Monster,  https://j.mp/33Zv5t5 « The Epoch Times

Twenty-four years later, I think about him every day. Every. Single. Day. It is not unpleasant. It is not painful. The scar over the huge chest wound is thin and tenuous, but it holds. This is grief. This is life. https://j.mp/2BDa1wb « Kevin MD

In Grief: "I Didn't Want My Mom To See Me Cry"

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

[Reviewed and updated October 18, 2021]

Tears are words waiting to be written.  ~ Paulo Coelho

A reader writes:  My mom always told me I was overly sensitive. If someone in my family was ill, she wouldn't tell me because she knew it would make me cry. She hated to see me cry and always told me so. When my mom was in the hospital I did not want to upset her, so I would not let her see me cry. I held back my tears. I did not want her to know how scared I was because I did not want her to be more scared. I didn't even cry in front of her until the last day and she was already gone. Even when she was breathing on the machine, until her last breath, she didn't see me cry for her. I did not want to upset her. I did not want her to suffer ever. Mom always did the right thing. I wish I would have done a better job for her. Yes I did love on her and tell her how much we all loved her, just should have done everything different.

Voices of Experience: My Self-Care Basket

by Anne M. Gorman

When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.   
~ Jean Shinoda Bolen

As a caregiver for my beloved Jim for five years, one important thing I learned during that time was the importance of caring for self. I think that part of healing has to do with self-care and this is what I'm doing for the New Year. I just came off of a Stay-at-Home Retreat and decided to prepare a Self-Care Basket that I can go to when I need a day to focus on myself. This did not happen to me in my first years of loss, but we change – and for me, today I like to focus on doing something for myself.

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 18 - February 24, 2018

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Breathe. Eat. Sleep. http://j.mp/2HFwkDd « Widower's Grief

Explaining Pet Loss to Children: Some Do's and Don'ts, http://j.mp/2Cw2rll « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 1 - October 7, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Resources for emotional trauma support for you and people you love, http://j.mp/2fR0CGx « Danielle Laporte

Megan Devine Interview: The Howl at the Center of Grief, http://j.mp/2hQHE73 « Audio Boom

Dogs Comfort The Bereaved in Funeral Homes, http://j.mp/2fL2KzK « Seven Ponds Blog

Using Music To Help With Grief

Find the latest version of this post here:

Using Music to Move Through Grief

People have known for centuries that music touches the human soul. We know intuitively that music affects us in profound and healing ways, both emotionally and physically, and present-day research demonstrates this to be true. In health care settings such as hospitals, clinics and hospices, music therapy is found to be remarkably effective in helping to calm patients, reduce stress, ease muscle tension, promote movement and manage pain.

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 3 - April 9, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Updated today: Tips for Coping with Sleeplessness in Grief, http://bit.ly/hkoXnZ « Grief Healing

What You Give Me, http://j.mp/1Vblvfj « Widower's Grief

The Rules of Grief Are for Other People, https://shar.es/1jml2W « The Good Men Project

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 13 - March 19, 2016

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

7 Things No One Tells You About Losing A Parent As A Child, http://j.mp/1R7mp8O « BuzzFeed

Self Care After Devastating Loss, http://j.mp/1pSTdcM « Christina Rasmussen

Making Time for Grief During Pregnancy, http://j.mp/1Ujh5CJ « What's Your Grief?

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 28 - March 5, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Relationship Struggles May Coincide with Grieving, http://j.mp/1QqP2xl « Open to Hope

Balancing Selflessness and Self-Care in Grief, http://j.mp/1T5d98q « What's Your Grief?

11 Adult Coloring Books That Will Make You Feel Surprisingly Zen, http://j.mp/1QF2RoZ « The Huffington Post

Caregiving and Hospice, January 17 - January 23, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

When the Body Says No -- Caring for ourselves while caring for others, http://j.mp/1QpEsbm « YouTube

Please, Ask Me a Question, http://j.mp/23jth9m « The Unprepared Caregiver

5 things you should know about Medicare's new end-of-life discussions, http://j.mp/1PJcyT4 « PBS NewsHour

Voices of Experience: How Grief Can Affect Your Health

Source

For those of you who struggle with guilt regarding self-care, answer this question: What greater gift can you give to those you love than your own wholeness? ~ Shannon Tanner

A Reflection on Self-Care, by Anne M. Gorman

There is no escaping it. Our immune systems take on the blows of grief. It’s not bad enough that we are brought to our knees when we lose a loved one but many have to suffer the devastation of a second loss and that is our own health.

My first reaction to this is WHY? I know there isn’t an answer to that question.

I am a good person. I never thought about what self-care meant for I always took care of myself. As I cared for my dying husband I attended to him as best as I knew how. I did all the things I needed to do to help him as he took his final journey of life except care for myself.

Caregiving and Hospice, September 14 - September 20, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Comprehensive, authoritative response to recent hospice media coverage, http://j.mp/1unncFL « National Coalition for Hospice and Palliative Care

Hey Dr. Emanuel: you might not want to die when you're 75! http://j.mp/1mmDD6g « GeriPal

How to Ensure Care for Your Pets, http://j.mp/1DnkCWA « Delaware Hospice

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 14 - September 20, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Obligation to Replenish When Mourning, http://j.mp/1rqkyAC « Ezine Articles

Growth and Grief Resources (in print), http://j.mp/1wwSID0 « What's Your Grief?

New book to help children express feelings, navigate difficulties: The Rhino Who Swallowed a Storm, http://j.mp/1r7x0Un « Amazon

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 6 - April 12, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Walking With Those Who Grieve, http://j.mp/1gTNrvd « Personal Growth and Grief Support Center

The Media Overload Detox Diet, http://j.mp/Qduj5B « What's Your Grief?

Lessons learned from loss of a parent: My Graduate, http://j.mp/OPPCsL « Widow's Voice