From Caregiver to Widower: Coping With the Death of a Beloved Wife

Accepting help is its own kind of strength.  ~ Kiera Cass

A reader writes: My wife passed away in hospice five weeks ago. Since then, I've gone home and had very little support from outside sources, partly by choice. I've done almost everything alone. The hospice staff have called and sent literature, but I just couldn't accept my wife's death enough to respond.

I was her caregiver and, basically, her nurse for years, with very little outside help. It was all left up to us. I know she would have died much sooner if we hadn't fought so hard to get her the treatment she needed and keep her out of nursing homes. I wasn't planning to do much with hospice, although I am seeking counseling on my own, which should begin in the next few weeks.

I happened to look up "grief" on the computer, and yours is the first website I found.

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 1 - June 30, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this month:

Pet loss can be just as devastating as the loss of a human loved one. Some say it is even worse. Studies like this can help to validate this experience—and shed light on how people cope, grow, and honor their special bond. For anyone who has grieved a pet, you’re not alone. What It’s Like to Lose a Pet: 4 Lessons About How We Grieve « Psychology Today

In Grief: Coping with Loneliness and Solitude

Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone. ~ Paul Tillich

If you are among those traveling the winding path of grief, you're probably quite familiar with both these sides of being alone: loneliness and solitude.

With an overwhelming sense of missing the one you love comes the crushing awareness of all that you have lost. You’d give anything to be together again, if only long enough to be relieved of your loneliness and to be reassured that your loved one is still a part of your life.

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 2 - June 15, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week: 

The hardest part of growing up? For me, it has to be watching my parents grow older. There’s this sudden realization that all things are finite and there’s an end to everything. Every time I think about this, the reality hits even harder. Coping With Grief: The Sight Of Parents Growing Old « Her Campus

In Grief: Comparing Pet Loss to Loss of a Person

I question whether experiences of such severe loss can be quantified and compared.  Loss is loss, whatever the circumstances.  All losses are bad, only bad in different ways.  No two losses are ever the same.  Each loss stands on its own and inflicts a unique kind of pain.  What makes each loss so catastrophic is its devastating, cumulative, and irreversible nature . . . So whose loss is worse, hers or mine?  It is impossible to give an answer.  Both are bad, but bad in different ways.  ~ Jerry Sittser in A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 30 - June 5, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Loneliness and isolation are a giant cause of suffering for grieving people. Try these five tips on how to cope with the loneliness of grief.  Five Ways to Manage Your Grief and Loneliness « Refuge In Grief

A core set of principles separate those who make good and bad policy decisions. Op-Ed: Will the Real COVID Experts Please Stand Up? « MedPage Today 

Caregiving, Grief & Pet Loss, January 31 - February 6, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Whether you’re managing someone who has experienced a loss, or grieving yourself, communication and empathy are key. 7 tips for dealing with grief in the workplace « Fast Company

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 27 - January 2, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In A Monster Calls, 13-year-old Conor dreams about a monster, but the words he's afraid to say about his dying mother are much scarier. Book Review by Cara Olexa « Seven Ponds 

The lingering pandemic has amplified feelings of isolation, depression and anxiety for countless Pennsylvanians, particularly as family-oriented holidays approach. Coping with Loneliness, Grief During a Holiday Pandemic « Daily American

In Grief: Widower Looking for Coping Skills

A reader writes: My wife passed away in hospice this past month. Since then I went home and had scant support from outside sources, to some degree by choice, and I've done everything mostly alone. Hospice people have called and sent literature, and I just couldn't accept my wife's death enough to respond. I was her caregiver and basically her nurse for years, without alot of outside help, it was all left up to us.

I know she would have died much sooner if we both hadn't fought the powers that be to get her the treatment she needed and keep her out of the nursing homes. I wasn't going to do much with hospice. I was and am seeking counsling on my own though, which should start in the next few weeks. I just happened to look up "grief" on the computer and yours is the first website I looked at. 

I'm still filled with grief, so many unresolved issues to do with my wife. We were so much in love, we spent every possible minute together. I was with her holding her in my arms when she took her last breath.

This is my first one-to-one time that I've reached out. I need coping skills. Can you help me?  Read on here  >>>

Caregiving and Hospice, December 10 - December 16, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Loneliness Can Be Deadly for Elders; Friends Are the Antidote, http://j.mp/2yuGtgv « The New York Times

Death Without Duality: Three Both/Ands at the End of Life, http://j.mp/2yuBVXu « On Being

Do the Russians Always Cheat? http://j.mp/2AHZLoI « Medpage Today

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 3 - December 9, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Gratitude Amid Grief, http://j.mp/2BYJfgV « Grieve Well

A Very Brady Christmas (But Way More Complicated), http://j.mp/2BRjcHo « Modern Loss

Feeling Lonely and Isolated in Grief, http://j.mp/2BPgNgq « The Grief Toolbox

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 17 - September 23, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Helping Others to Help Yourself, http://j.mp/2hn3gI4 « Grieve Well

5 Ways Grieving Kids Changed My Own Relationship with Loss, http://j.mp/2hlPju5 « Modern Loss

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief and Ambiguous Loss, http://j.mp/2hlNjhy « Next Avenue

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 9 - July 15, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Loneliness: 5 “Don’ts” If You’re Feeling Lonely After Loss,  http://j.mp/2unzHuG « The Grief Toolbox

Terrific interview: Children and Grief, http://j.mp/2unjSDV « Jewel 92 FM

Review: "Bearing the Unbearable" by Joanne Cacciatore, Ph.D., http://j.mp/2vl9cTC « Seven Ponds Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 31 - August 6, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Regret: It's Too Late Now, or Is It? http://j.mp/2aoRM2x «  Elaine Mansfield

If You Can’t Stand To Look At The Empty Chair – Sit In It, http://j.mp/2awskFn « The Grief Toolbox

25 Years After Losing My Father to Suicide, Sadness Resurfaces, http://j.mp/2aVFHmF « The Gift of Second

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 26 - August 1, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Healing Takes A Lifetime, http://j.mp/1DgR5B8 « The Grief Toolbox

Beautiful: She became a hospice nurse because of this story, http://j.mp/1KFhxnR « Kevin MD

Observing A Deceased Loved One's Birthday, http://j.mp/1I64F9c « What's Your Grief?

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 26 - May 2, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

After a spouse's suicide: Scared of the Anger, http://j.mp/1QYaZo9 « Widow's Voice

Tips for Who Should Be In Your Grief Support System, http://j.mp/1GCKsob « GriefMinisterDotCom

5 Things to Do Before Visiting a Psychic Medium, http://j.mp/1EVRgCn « Modern Loss

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 12 - January 18, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Irony and Inconsistency of Grief, http://j.mp/1hBhmeS « Journeys Through Grief Newsletter Blog

Offering kindness through the breath: finding some ease in grief, http://j.mp/19CygJG « Refuge in Grief

"Mindfulness and Grief: The Transformative Power of Now" has been accepted for ADEC Annual Conference! bit.ly/adec2014 « Mindfulness and Grief

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 25 - December 1, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Beautiful piece by Deirdre Felton on the death of her brother "Brendan," http://j.mp/Uhti8N « Grief Digest

Health Risks of Loneliness (and What to Do), http://j.mp/TjW6Mx « Caring.com

“Man’s Best Counselor” by Kelly Farley, http://j.mp/Togflo « Grieving Dads Project

A Conversation with Marty Tousley, Grief Counselor, http://j.mp/V2fcqB « ElderBranch

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 12 - August 18, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Terrific expert information on Traumatic Loss! http://j.mp/S4XEMm  « SevenPonds Blog
  
  
• Send a sympathy gift of food anywhere in the continental US from The TLC Kitchen, http://bit.ly/NMV2Sr via @TheTLCkitchen
  
  
• Getting Out From The Cloak of Grief, http://j.mp/NK0Ie0 
  
  
• Carole Brody Fleet: 15 Things You Should Never Say To The Bereaved, http://j.mp/OFWKGY
  
  
• Wonderful! Radio interview with author of Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise (Christian perspective), http://j.mp/N7KDmc via @griefminister01

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 26 - March 3, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Nice list of recommended Films to Heal By, http://bit.ly/wKk9IB via @SevenPonds. See also Grief Movies http://j.mp/9OPplm
  
  
• Passing the Test of Grief, http://j.mp/w8leWV « Bertram's Blog
  
  
• Are We Medicating Normal Grief? http://j.mp/yQJ0px
  
  
• Touching and beautiful! GriefReflection: It’s Always the Little Things, http://j.mp/xwGYm8
  
  
• Picking Up the Pieces, http://j.mp/AxO8EM  via Small Bird Studios