Pet Loss: Involving Children in the Euthanasia Decision

[Reviewed and updated December 8, 2022]

As an adult or child, experiencing grief means to 'feel,' not just to 'understand.' Anyone old enough to love is old enough to grieve. Even before children are able to talk, they grieve when someone loved dies. And these feelings about the death become a part of their lives forever. ~ Alan D. Wolfelt

A reader writes: Last month our family dog was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. Soon after, my husband and I spoke with our now 7-year-old son and 3-year-old daughter about our dog's cancer. We shared that she would not get better from it and that she would go to heaven. Our dog is in increasing, uncontrollable pain now, and I expect we will euthanize her soon. I read an excerpt of yours regarding preparing children for pet loss. You recommend involving the children in the decision of euthanasia and being present when it occurs. Do you recommend this for children that are our kids' ages?

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 30 - July 13, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Are You Experiencing Grief, Trauma or Both? http://j.mp/10ThVKf « Open to Hope

Child Loss and The Fear of Forgetting, http://j.mp/158v8yg « Alive in Memory

10 Answers to the questions WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP http://j.mp/158uSiJ « The Grief Toolbox

Lovely! First Wedding After a Death, http://j.mp/11JoHEX « What's Your Grief?

Coping with Special Days: Grief: The Day After and The Day After and The Day After http://j.mp/1392FoT « Stop Thief! Don't Steal My Grief

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 26 - June 1, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Excellent read! Understanding Traumatic Grief — Mass Violence, Shattered Lives http://j.mp/10HamGH « Social Work Today

Powerful story of friendship, grief in the wake of suicide, and lessons learned: I Should Have Been Finding Him Reasons To Live, http://j.mp/117r3ql « The Good Men Project

Pick of the Week: The Invisible String teaches ties that bind in grief, http://j.mp/13rCsnN « Advent Funeral

Updated May 31: Tips for Coping with Sleeplessness in Grief, http://j.mp/hkoXnZ « Grief Healing Blog

Grief Is Overflowing Love: A Mourning Son's Story, http://wp.me/p1l0Zh-hw « GriefMinister.com

Coping with Pet Loss, May 5 - May 11, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

On Pinterest? See Grief Healing's board on Pet Loss, http://j.mp/MY3a0w

Tips on supporting someone experiencing pet loss, http://bit.ly/13mky7J « UF Small Animal Hospital

Do You Know What to Say When Clients Ask When They Should Get Another Pet? http://j.mp/12K6cug « HowToVetWisdom

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 17 - March 23, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A son's touching tribute: My Father's Horniness, http://j.mp/167NIrz by Dax Shepard

Defending Against Loss, http://j.mp/11rBuaz by Tara Brach

Film Review: The Way, http://j.mp/10uwXoM « The Family Plot Blog

Celebrities speaking up about grief, http://wp.me/p2KrvU-Es « What's Your Grief?

Powerful lesson shared: A Death Remembered, http://j.mp/YKl5ul by Mtutuzeli Nyoka

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 26 - February 2, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Moving! Just Do It (without Regret)! http://j.mp/UdTxlJ « New England Pet Hospice

How to Give Away the 'Give Away' Pile: Selling and Donating Old Items, http://j.mp/X2QLfk by @WhatsYourGrief

Sorting Through Belongings After Death: Working with Family, http://j.mp/WFvnPj by @WhatsYourGrief

"The Horse on the Dining Room Table," http://tinyurl.com/b2w2wk8 fable by Richard Kalish via @dhstratton @JillFavero @deniswright @roshart

How Long Do We Grieve? http://j.mp/11kC9xs « Maria Shriver

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 9 - December 15, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

To have when you need them: Grief and Mourning Resources for Gifted Kids, http://j.mp/Z874Nh via @HoagiesGifted

Comfort from MJ: Grief Hope for a Heavy Heart During the Holidays, http://j.mp/12fhGZJ by @HopefulMJ

Blue Christmas: 6 Ways to Navigate the Holidays in Grief, http://j.mp/Y1UPAv by Ashley Davis Bush

Permission to Mourn This Holiday Season, http://j.mp/VTKvcN « Grief Healing Blog

Coping with the Holidays: Suggested Resources http://j.mp/SI6P3r « Grief Healing Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 2 - December 8, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Dealing with Death During the Holidays: an Interview with Brad Leary, http://j.mp/11X7eFV

Prenatal Loss: The Due Date, http://j.mp/VpWHNa « The Grief Toolbox 

"It's time to move on." Oh,yeah? Says who?  The Luxury of Grief, http://j.mp/UtGisf by @Victoria_Noe « FriendGrief

Amen! Time to bury the 'five stages of grief' myth, http://j.mp/YXW4Rk via @JenMarsh2

Nice ideas: help yourself through the holidays by helping others, http://j.mp/Uho5Ma

The Advent Conspiracy

For many Western Christians this past Sunday marked the beginning of the season of Advent ~ the four weeks before Christmas, originally intended to be a time of spiritual reflection and preparation before celebrating the nativity of Jesus. 

In recent years, those same four weeks have become a peak shopping period for retailers known as "the Christmas shopping season." For those of us engaged in caregiving, or in the midst of mourning the loss of a loved one, these four weeks can seem like little more than an additional and overwhelming burden. 

Given the state of the world and our struggling economy here at home, many more people may be looking for a different way to get ready for Christmas.

Coping with Pet Loss, October 14 - October 20, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• How hospice for pets comforts owners too, http://j.mp/TgdqXU via @PathwysHealth

• Pets on Pinterest: How images can be healing after pet loss, http://bit.ly/XnceAr
  
  
• What To Do When A Friend Loses A Pet, http://j.mp/QXczq1 « Psychology Today
  
  
• Animal Hospice: What it is and what it's not, http://j.mp/PC53o4

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 19 - August 25, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Secondary loss: Maggie's Cool Car - A Goodbye, http://j.mp/Qz1qZQ

• Great read! Robin Amos Kahn: How Your Loss Can Transform You, http://j.mp/PMDN3z

• Lovely! "Grief is to be trusted, not treated," http://j.mp/Ob7VGb by @survivegrief

• Grief Beyond Belief: Faith-free support for non-religious people, http://j.mp/zzbmYe

• Powerful story from Grief Digest Magazine » Growing Up, http://j.mp/PYtsTX

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 12 - August 18, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Terrific expert information on Traumatic Loss! http://j.mp/S4XEMm  « SevenPonds Blog
  
  
• Send a sympathy gift of food anywhere in the continental US from The TLC Kitchen, http://bit.ly/NMV2Sr via @TheTLCkitchen
  
  
• Getting Out From The Cloak of Grief, http://j.mp/NK0Ie0 
  
  
• Carole Brody Fleet: 15 Things You Should Never Say To The Bereaved, http://j.mp/OFWKGY
  
  
• Wonderful! Radio interview with author of Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise (Christian perspective), http://j.mp/N7KDmc via @griefminister01

Caregiving and Hospice, July 29 - August 4, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• SOLACE: Sharing the wisdom of the dying, http://j.mp/PRX3ZS « SevenPonds Blog
  
  
• Must read article on caregiving, http://j.mp/N8xAg6  by Sandra Tsing Loh in @TheAtlantic via @CaregiverSN
  
  
• Important questions here: A Desperate Act, Born of Depression, http://j.mp/M9lNR8 « New York Times
  
  
• Having the Talk - An Important Gift, http://j.mp/M8MkOs « Hospice and Caregiving Blog
  
  
• Easy things you can do to help the hospice patient in your life, http://ow.ly/cFxMg via @SeasonsHospice

Feeling Pressured to "Move On" in Grief

A reader writes: I was married to a wonderful man for 26 years. At the age of 45 he suffered a massive heart attack and was given a life expectancy of two to five years, but with pacemakers, meds, and various procedures, he was able to be with us another ten years. They were not always easy years, as illness does not bring out the best in any of us. Nevertheless, we fell back in love and had the opportunity and blessing of this past year. We grew very close and he was my best friend. We have a grown son that my husband cherished. My question is this: Why after only six weeks do others think my son needs to move on????? 

I'm not usually one to get upset at my dad, but today I shared with him that my son had a sad day yesterday. His response was that he would "have a talk with him about moving on." I am so angry right now. Why can't people educate themselves on the grief process and understand if we don't deal with it now, it could cause problems in the future? I tried to help my dad understand, but no way can you win with him. I love him dearly, but he has no clue. My son is going out as usual, and he just left for a holiday with friends. So what if he has a bad or sad day? His dad was his best friend as well as his father! Another reason for me to really think about moving as far as I can get from here once a year has passed. Sorry, but I just needed to vent.  Read on here: In Grief: Feeling Pressured to "Move On"

Coping with Pet Loss, June 3 - June 9, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Hospice for animal companions, http://j.mp/MVmiz9 via @hospice_news
  
  
• 3rd International Symposium on Veterinary Hospice Care, http://j.mp/KTtJnU
  
  
• Life Lessons My Dog Taught Me, http://ow.ly/bmncO from @PorchPotty via @mukimutt and @PsychToday
  
  
• Goodbye my pug, my first baby, http://bit.ly/LCck0t by @evmoms in @evtrib
  
  
• Grief Healing: Is Pet Loss Comparable to Loss of a Loved One? http://j.mp/GZocuf by @griefhealing
  
  
• How you can help someone with petloss? http://j.mp/NFgDd3
  

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 11 - March 17, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Supporting Grieving Children: National Poll Results, http://j.mp/y78naZ via @HFAhospice
  
  
• 'Battle Fatigue: The War for Peace' - grief in the wake of homicide, http://shar.es/ppxlB via @TheGriefToolbox
  
  
• Great activity to help children with grief: "It's Okay To Have A Dragged-Down-Day!" http://shar.es/ppdkE via @TheGriefToolbox
  
  
• Love this! Friend Grief Lessons from "The Big Chill," http://j.mp/xgKSVa by @Victoria_Noe
  
  
• Beyond Kübler-Ross: Recent developments in understanding of grief and bereavement, http://bit.ly/z0qQFO via @tweet_ACGB

Caregiving and Hospice, February 19 - February 25, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• A Daughter’s Love, a Mother’s Last Breath, http://NYTimes.com
  
  
• What top authors say about caregiving from tips to policy demands, http://aarp.us/yr0usf via @AARPOR
  
  
• Tips on caregiving from caregivers, http://ow.ly/9egwG via @mjcare
  
  
• Lovely! "You're Still You" by Connie Foster, http://bit.ly/y5UUAB via @KoryWells
  
  
• How to talk to one who is terminally ill, http://ow.ly/9ftVG via @SeasonsHospice

Coping with Pet Loss, January 1 - January 7, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Pet cemeteries gaining popularity, http://ow.ly/8jZtn via @VillageMemorial
  
  
• New England Pet Hospice: More Lessons from Human Hospice, http://j.mp/v9vXkJ
  
  
• Helping Another with Pet Loss, http://j.mp/flN3Js
  
  

Helping Another with Pet Loss

[Reviewed and updated August 14, 2022]

When someone we love loses a special companion animal, we may not be sure what we can do to help. If anything, we feel helpless, since we know there's nothing we can do to bring the pet back. We can't take away the pain of the loss. We have no answer to the question, "Why?"

Sometimes another person's loss reminds us of our own past losses -- or of ones we ourselves eventually must face. If we've never been as strongly attached to a pet as our friend or family member was, we may not consider the loss as significant as it really was to them. If we've yet to experience the loss of a special friend or loved one, human or otherwise, we may not be familiar with how painful such grief can be. And some of us were raised in families that didn't express feelings openly, so we never learned how to comfort others.

Sadly, for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing, many of us shy away from the person who is grieving, or we never go beyond saying "I'm sorry."

What else can we do to help a friend who's hurting when a cherished pet is lost?

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 13 - November 19, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Different roads: How others' grief helps us cope with our own, http://bit.ly/uaBOsl

• Passage quilting: helping people through grief, http://bit.ly/vxlcxK

• HPNA's Position Statement: Role of the Nurse When Hastened Death Is Requested, http://bit.ly/s6Eq9x by @HPNAinfo

• Photos from NHPCO's 2011 Creative Arts Contest portray hospice, http://on.fb.me/tVtjKa via @NHPCO_news

• The Empty Chair at the Holiday Table, http://bit.ly/u13nc6