Voices of Experience: Stepping Down

By Marianne Monson

To care for those who once cared for us is one of the highest honors.  ~ Tia Walker

Marianne Monson has worked as an editor/art director of children’s books, has authored nine books for children and adults, and continues editing and writing for a variety of audiences. She also teaches Creative Writing and English at Portland Community College in Portland, Oregon. Her latest book, Frontier Grit: The Unlikely True Stories of Daring Pioneer Women, is dedicated to her grandmother, who succumbed to breast cancer in August. As her mother cared for her dying grandmother, Marianne was inspired to write this touching vignette.

Caregiving and Hospice, May 1 - May 7, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Make this the Nurses Week we all want. Here's how. http://j.mp/1WP7WSk « Kevin, MD

Caring for Mom at Home, http://j.mp/1Y6zbXq « Barbara Karnes, RN

Going the Distance: Caring for Loved Ones from Afar, http://j.mp/1SK4044 « Hospice of the Red River Valley

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When Mother’s Day Hurts: Selected Resources

Source

[Reviewed and updated May 17, 2026]

God could not be everywhere, and therefore He made mothers ~ Rudyard Kipling

While it may be a special day for many, Mother's Day is a holiday that challenges the endurance of motherless children, as well as mothers and grandmothers whose children or grandchildren have died. Below is a collection of articles offering insights, comfort and support, as well as various ways to cope. Click on the titles to read more:

Caregiving and Hospice, August 11 - August 17, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Journey Forward Introduces "My Care Plan" Tool to Help Cancer Survivors Begin Their Survivorship Care Plan, http://j.mp/16jpo6N « Oncology Nursing Society

Patients may have to push to get registered with the palliative care program, http://j.mp/16S9ajU « Life & Death Matters

A Philosophy of Palliative Care Nursing – Part 1, http://j.mp/1dgiYJg « FULLHALFGLASS

Emily’s Top 5: Selected articles on Palliative in Practice this week, http://j.mp/14nQeHG « Palliative in Practice

Individualized medical decision-making: still harder than it should be http://j.mp/14QcWhK « GeriTech

Voices of Experience: Learning To Be Happy Again

Margareta Kubitz

After losing her four year old daughter in a drowning accident in 2009, Maria Kubitz was determined to maintain a loving, healthy environment for her three other children and to continually find ways to learn from her pain. In 2012 she created Alive in Memory, a supportive place where families can share precious stories of the loved ones they have lost. She also volunteers at a local chapter of The Compassionate Friends. Here she describes her struggle to allow happiness back into her life once again.

When my daughter died, the pain was so overwhelming, the thought that I could ever feel any ounce of happiness again seemed ridiculous. In those early days of grief, the mere idea of being happy didn’t just feel impossible, it felt wrong.

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 17 - March 23, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A son's touching tribute: My Father's Horniness, http://j.mp/167NIrz by Dax Shepard

Defending Against Loss, http://j.mp/11rBuaz by Tara Brach

Film Review: The Way, http://j.mp/10uwXoM « The Family Plot Blog

Celebrities speaking up about grief, http://wp.me/p2KrvU-Es « What's Your Grief?

Powerful lesson shared: A Death Remembered, http://j.mp/YKl5ul by Mtutuzeli Nyoka

Taking Time to Mourn a Mother's Death

[Reviewed and updated June 21, 2021]

A reader writes: I just lost my Mom three weeks ago. She had cancer which spread to her brain. The last year of her life was one of pain initially and then side effects from the chemo and radiation. During the last few months she also became confused due to the tumor pressing on her brain. We were able to bring her home with us during the last 12 days of her life with the help of hospice, which was wonderful . 

This past year has been a very trying one for our family. Now that she is gone, I just want to be left alone. My husband, children and sister have been a great support and I need them around me. However, I feel as if others expect me to move on immediately. My dad and his wife were scheduled to come in to visit (they live in another state) about ten days after my mother’s death, and I asked them to postpone it because I wasn't up to it. He took it personally and I found myself comforting him because I hurt his feelings. He has postponed it for only a week later.

Grief and Sexual Intimacy

Find a more recent version of this post here:

Grief and Sexuality

A reader writes: My mother died recently, and although she was older and it happened rather quickly, still it was the saddest thing I’ve ever experienced. Now, three months later, I’m finding it very difficult to become intimate again with my husband. Even being in close proximity to him is difficult for me. It almost scares me. Especially because I want so desperately to know that my mom is watching over me, but I don't want her to see me having sex with my husband! Can you give me some direction on this? 

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 4 - November 10, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Kids say "It's Okay To Talk About Grief," http://j.mp/Q29vwX video by @BrookesPlace

• Grieving students cope at school with Hospice help, http://ow.ly/2t7uUC via @GriefHelp

• Video promo for Children's Grief Awareness Day. Check it out! http://ow.ly/f9zTR via @NAGCnews

• Animal Friends: Love in the Present Moment, http://j.mp/YYRvEV via @MarianneSoucy

• Interview with Proof Of Heaven's author, Dr. Eben Alexander III, http://www.AfterlifeTV.com by AfterLifeTV's @bobolson

Mother Loss and the Grief of Abandonment

A reader writes: I was recently informed that my mother has died, and I am grieving. My mother left me when I was a little girl. It hurt. I denied it for 40 years. So far I have attended two different bereavement groups. Both are filled with people who are grieving a loved one. I am not. I do not have a string of memories of our times together to talk about: how she taught me how to bake a pie, helped me plan my wedding, helped me through my divorce, paid for college, took care of my kids while I met my second husband, etc. I do not fit into those groups. They are grieving such a beautiful memory that I’m afraid I will poison their precious period of grief if they hear my story of abandonment. I didn’t have a mother to maintain kinship ties with an extended family. I had an evil stepfather who was remote and distant and lied to me about why my mom was gone: “She left you.”   Read on here >>>

           

Deathbed Promises: Honoring a Mother’s Dying Wish

[Reviewed and updated November 17, 2024]

Promises are the uniquely human way of ordering the future, making it predictable and reliable to the extent that this is humanly possible. ~ Hannah Arendt

A reader writes: My mom died last month after a five-year battle with cancer. Even though I live and work in a different part of the country, I was able to spend some quality time with her before she died, including a family trip with my mom and dad, my younger sister and our 13 year-old brother. 

          When we returned from that trip, my mother asked me if I would move home to take care of my brother because she was worried that he wouldn't get the nurturing care he needs. I never answered my mom, but I didn't say no, either.

Caregiving and Hospice, June 10 - June 16, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Humor: Mary Maxwell’s Invocation at the 2012 Aging in America Conference http://j.mp/MbR16r  | Caregiver Stress
  
  
• How to Help When Help Is Not Wanted, http://ow.ly/bA7w4 by @beclosedotcom
  
  
• The Psychology of Pain: It’s Not What You Think, http://j.mp/JuWxi4 by @StanGoldberg
  
  
• MUST SEE: Beautiful PBS Video! The Role of The Hospice Chaplain, http://j.mp/M81kZ0
  
  
• Making light of dying, http://bit.ly/K4WLNb via @KSkipperFoster

Remembering My Mom on Mother's Day

My mother and me, circa 1949

There's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begins. ~ Mitch Albom

On this Mother's Day I wish to pay tribute to my own mother, Evelyn Cecilia Merritt, by remembering her and sharing with you the special person she was.

Born on March 27, 1916, she exchanged her earthly address for a heavenly one on October 6, 1993, at the age of 77.

Because she was there from my beginning, she is a significant part of who I have become, and I am grateful for all the gifts she gave to me.