In Grief: Rituals of Remembrance for Special Days

Simply touching a difficult memory with some slight willingness to heal begins to soften the holding and tension around it.  ~ Stephen Levine

We’ve barely caught our breath after enduring the holidays of November, December, and January, and now the stores are bursting with hearts, flowers, and candy—celebrating once again the gift of love.

But February 14 can be a difficult day for those of us who are grieving. For some, it will be the first Valentine’s Day since our precious Valentine died. For us, there is no celebration; there is only the grief that stems from absence and the pain of loss. Sometimes, out of fear of “letting go,” we may find ourselves holding on to our pain as a way of remembering those we love. Yet letting go of what used to be is not an act of disloyalty, nor does it mean forgetting the people who have died. Letting go means leaving behind the sorrow and pain of grief and choosing to go on—taking with us only those memories and experiences that enhance our ability to grow and expand our capacity for happiness.

Grief Rituals Can Help on Special Days

We’ve barely caught our breath after enduring the holidays of November, December, and January, and now the stores are bursting with hearts, flowers, and candy—celebrating once again the gift of love.

But February 14 can be a difficult day for those of us who are grieving. For some, it will be the first Valentine’s Day since our precious Valentine died. For us, there is no celebration; there is only the grief that stems from absence and the pain of loss.  Read on here >>>

In Grief: Coping with The Anniversary of A Loved One's Death

I have found in the years that have passed that I am most vulnerable at times of remembrance . . . If I get caught up in it, I quickly get pulled under and wind up gasping for breath. ~ Bill Jenkins

A reader writes: I am just 10 days away from the one year mark of my wife’s death, and the last few days have been horrible. I have that all-too-familiar feeling of dread in the pit in my stomach and I have a hard time concentrating on anything. I don’t know how to explain my mood to my seven-year-old son. All I would love to do is to go to sleep for those 10 days and wake up afterwards. I know that in this journey I am going to take some steps backwards and believe me the backwards steps are not as severe as in the beginning, but I just can’t stand feeling this way.

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 6 - March 12, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Loss during a pandemic can be complicated, especially when people haven't been able to gather as usual after a death, or to carry on traditions they normally would. Psychologist says pandemic complicates loss and grief « CBC News 

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 9 - July 15, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Loneliness: 5 “Don’ts” If You’re Feeling Lonely After Loss,  http://j.mp/2unzHuG « The Grief Toolbox

Terrific interview: Children and Grief, http://j.mp/2unjSDV « Jewel 92 FM

Review: "Bearing the Unbearable" by Joanne Cacciatore, Ph.D., http://j.mp/2vl9cTC « Seven Ponds Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 22 - February 28, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Weekly Tip: Using Social Media as a Touching Memorial, http://j.mp/1wxeoDz « Seven Ponds Blog

The Eternal Challenge of the Suicide Widow, http://j.mp/1GAfDCn « Widow's Voice

Infertility: navigating your 'disenchanted' « http://j.mp/1zN0ZD7 « HeraldTimesOnline.com

In Grief: Dreading The Anniversary Date of A Loved One's Death

Find an updated version of this post here: 

In Grief: Coping with The Anniversary of A Loved One's Death

A reader writes: I am just 10 days away from the one year mark of my wife’s death, and the last few days have been horrible. I have that all-too-familiar feeling of dread in the pit in my stomach and I have a hard time concentrating on anything. 

Caregiving and Hospice, March 23 - March 29, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Language Matters: Journalism's Role In End Of Life Care, http://j.mp/QrfQ6z « Life Matters Media

Caregiving After A Stroke: Suggested Resources, http://j.mp/18q79iU « Grief Healing Blog

At the tipping point: Caregiving Is A Corporate Issue, http://j.mp/1dBBi31 « Forbes

Coping with Pet Loss, July 21 - July 27, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Historic San Francisco Catholic church plans memorial space for pets, http://j.mp/178abmE « The Sacramento Bee

So touching! Savannah, Almost Hospice Care, http://j.mp/17KNPd5 « Diary of a Real-Life Veterinarian

Coping with Pet Loss, June 2 - June 8, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Funerals for Pets? http://j.mp/17ikVDU « Grief Healing Blog

Hospice service aids ailing pets, http://j.mp/1aRujvx « Wicked Local Lexington

Memorializing Pets We Have Lost

[Reviewed and updated on January 12, 2025]

A colleague writes: I am a veterinarian and would like to memorialize the pets we have lost in the past year. Does this seem appropriate, and do you have any specific suggestions which could be helpful? I plan to plant a tree and maybe provide garden stone marker engraving with the lost pet's name, but beyond that I'm open to suggestion.

My response: I think your idea of memorializing lost pets is most appropriate, and I applaud you for your sensitivity and caring. I'd like to offer some suggestions and point you to some resources that might be helpful to you as you develop this wonderful plan, and if I can be of any further assistance, please let me know.

Coping with Pet Loss, August 19 - August 25, 2012

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Invitation to the Pinterest Pet Memorial Board, http://j.mp/L4PVbw 

Coping with Pet Loss, August 5 - August 11, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Excellent! Why are we embarrassed to show grief over pet loss? http://bit.ly/NUIWlV via @MarianneSoucy
  
  
• Touching true story: When a child loses a pet, http://j.mp/NUPAbO by @MarianneSoucy
  
  
• Invitation to the Pinterest Pet Loss Memorial Board, http://j.mp/L4PVbw by @MarianneSoucy
  

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 29 - February 4, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Dr. T. Byram Karasu: Is grief a pathological condition? http://bit.ly/zcak0B via @MontefioreNews
  
  
• Memorial Service Basics: Honoring the Deceased, Comforting the Bereaved, http://dlvr.it/18yqH8 via @houstonfunerals
  
  
• Death Is Nothing at All, http://j.mp/y2TKZd
  
  
• Loss As A Catalyst For Spiritual Awakening, http://j.mp/zQGJDA
  
  
• Lovely! Butterfly Suite helps bereaved parents, http://bbc.in/zVGu14 via @_lizzy_

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 1 - January 7, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Powerful story about teen grief and loss in adoption, http://j.mp/wOf4qu
  
  
• What Is Complicated Grief? http://j.mp/wqrhif via @TheGriefToolbox
  
  
• What Does Letting Go Mean? http://wp.me/p7Gtm-1Hc by @FaithLotus
  
  
• Journalist Roger Rosenblatt struggles to accept daughter's death, http://yhoo.it/wG3xwK | @GlobalTwitizen via @YahooNews
  
  
• Jan Warner's New Year's Gratitude not Resolution List, http://j.mp/xyNWLQ

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 28 - September 3, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Accepting the gift of grief: 9/11 widow reflects on decade of rebuilding, http://ow.ly/6kcg9 via @VillageMemorial

• Winner! "Moving Forward On Your Own" widow 's finance guide book, http://bit.ly/ogEiyV via @HelpMePublish

• Working in grief support changed how Nancy Weil looks at life, ning.it/qnzKIK via @LegacyConnect

• LouLaGrand: Critical Importance of Developing Connections in Grief, http://dlvr.it/jnHPN via @houstonfunerals

• Just added @ValleyofLife's beautiful site to GriefHealing's Memorials~Funerals~Rituals page, http://bit.ly/3Qr9gf

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 7 - August 13, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Funny moments within tough situations can be magic, http://t.co/jtSMI2M via @BodyAwareGrief

• How has Harry Potter taught you to embrace life and death? http://t.co/j6trJWe via @SevenPonds

• How long does grief last? http://t.co/8iTuEn7 by @Esdeer

• Society must face up to reality of death and support grief and bereavement, http://t.co/QoOUfHO via  @ukequality

• Meditation as part of the grief process, bit.ly/o3zmsm via @lisamlilly

Coping with Pet Loss, July 10 - July 16, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Beautiful! Memoralizing Our Beloved Animals by Teresa Wagner, http://bit.ly/njOCDI

• How Laurel Lagoni helps with the grief of pet loss with ClayPaws, http://bit.ly/oK6N32 via @VetWisdom @mhess4

• Coping with unexpected pet loss: a personal journey | The Conscious Cat, http://bit.ly/oYV68l

Featured Web Site: Recover-From-Grief

The stated mission of this comprehensive, clinically accurate and easy-to-navigate site is to promote understanding of the grief process and provide practical strategies for dealing with it. Developed by Jennie Wright, RN, RRT, GC-C, a registered nurse and certified grief counselor, Recover-from-Grief is designed as a "stand-alone workshop," enabling visitors either to select the topics they wish to explore, or to progress through the site in the order suggested on the navigation bars. Topics include signs and symptoms of grief, strategies for coping, ideas for memorializing, and suggestions for expressing comfort and sympathy. Creative mourning techniques designed to help mourners express their bereavement are offered, and visitors are invited to explore the site to find the expressive techniques that feel "just right" for them.

Teen Misses Uncle’s Visitation and Funeral

Image source: www.bigstock.com

[Reviewed and updated December 6, 2021]

A reader writes:  I am 14 years old.  I didn't get to view my uncle’s body or go to his funeral, so I’d like to know what you can do to be able to move on when you didn't get a funeral.  Any tips?

My Response: I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your uncle, and especially sorry that you were unable to be present for his visitation and funeral.  I think your question serves to remind us of the value of the funeral – not for the deceased, but as a source of comfort to the relatives and friends of the loved one who has died. The visitation and funeral can be an important first step in the mourner’s journey through grief, as it offers the first opportunity to mourn the loss of a special person in the presence of others who also are in mourning. In addition, visiting the funeral home, seeing the body, and attending and participating in the funeral service all help to confirm and reinforce the reality of the death.