[Reviewed and updated November 4, 2025]
Showing posts with label Robert Fulghum. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Robert Fulghum. Show all posts
In Grief: Mourning The Loss of A Dream
Funerals for Pets?
 |
| Source |
A pet is never truly forgotten until it is no longer remembered. ~ Lacie Pettito
In his delightful 1991 book, UH-OH, minister Robert Fulghum describes how he came to officiate at a memorial service for Gyda, a half German shepherd, half Dalmatian dog who lived in his houseboat "neighborhood" and who came to be loved by him and all who knew her. After Gyda dies, he describes the funeral service as a celebration of Gyda's life, during which all of her family and friends gather together on the dock and tell stories that are as much about themselves as they are about the dog. "My seminary training didn't cover how to perform a dog funeral," he observes. "It takes a real dog to teach that. And when the pupil is ready, the teacher appears."
Memorializing Pets We Have Lost
A colleague writes: I am a veterinarian and would like to memorialize the pets we have lost in the past year. Does this seem appropriate, and do you have any specific suggestions which could be helpful? I plan to plant a tree and maybe provide garden stone marker engraving with the lost pet's name, but beyond that I'm open to suggestion.
My response: I think your idea of memorializing lost pets is most appropriate, and I applaud you for your sensitivity and caring. I'd like to offer some suggestions and point you to some resources that might be helpful to you as you develop this wonderful plan, and if I can be of any further assistance, please let me know.
Disenfranchised Grief: Mourning the Loss of a Dream
Find a more recent version of this post here:
A reader writes: Seven years ago I fell in love with a wonderful man I met at work. Although we never dated, we spent many wonderful hours together talking about everything and nothing. We spent a year getting to know each other, and I fell more in love every day. After I was transferred to another department, I was sure we would spend a wonderful summer getting to know each other in a more romantic atmosphere. That never happened. He didn't return my calls or emails, and never spoke to me again. I was heartbroken and never understood why he dumped my like that. Since then I have married a wonderful man, who has been a great stepfather to my children and a wonderful husband. He loves me and supports me in all I do.
Last month I found out that my co-worker "love" of seven years ago had died in a one-car accident earlier this year. I feel like I'm going crazy!
For months after he disappeared, I had wondered "why" and "what if," but I thought I was all over that by now. It's been seven years, I made a life without him, and I never even thought about him. Well, not very much. But now, I can't seem to get over him. I find myself fantasizing about what would have happened if we'd been together, dreaming about him, and wanting him again. I emailed his best friend and asked about his grave, so I could say goodbye. I was told that his gravesite is not to be published, that his wishes were that nobody knows where he is. He had no funeral, no obituary, and has no marker. This makes me even crazier. I now have fantasies that he survived the accident but doesn't want anyone to know. Like he faked his own death.
For months after he disappeared, I had wondered "why" and "what if," but I thought I was all over that by now. It's been seven years, I made a life without him, and I never even thought about him. Well, not very much. But now, I can't seem to get over him. I find myself fantasizing about what would have happened if we'd been together, dreaming about him, and wanting him again. I emailed his best friend and asked about his grave, so I could say goodbye. I was told that his gravesite is not to be published, that his wishes were that nobody knows where he is. He had no funeral, no obituary, and has no marker. This makes me even crazier. I now have fantasies that he survived the accident but doesn't want anyone to know. Like he faked his own death.
I went to our old office building two days ago to say goodbye. I sat in the parking lot, cried, yelled at him, called him names, screamed at him for dumping me, and got even madder that he died in a single car accident. How could he be so stupid! Was he drinking? Did he fall asleep? I will never know, and I'm furious! Why do I feel like this? He wasn't important in my life. We never even dated, it was just a flirtation several years ago. But now I feel like I lost a spouse or a lover, and I didn't! I feel so selfish because I have a family to take care of and a husband who loves me, and I have no right to live in the past. The needs of the living must be met, but I have trouble dragging myself through the normal daily routine. I feel like I have no right to grieve, or even to be writing to you. Still, somehow I feel that writing about him helps. I just need to find out how to let him go and go on with my real life. Can you please help me understand? What is happening to me?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
