Coming to Terms with Mom Dating After Dad’s Death

A reader writes: I am having a really hard time coming to terms with my mother dating after my father's death, and how it has changed her. I am 34, her oldest of 5 kids, with 3 boys of my own, and after some recent events, I am truly worried about the future of this family and am at a loss of what to do.

My father passed away almost a year ago now, at age 54. At the time of his diagnosis, we were told this was a non-terminal type of cancer, and he was expected to react well to treatments (which he did, at first). However, I found out later that he did get a terminal diagnosis, with less than 1 year life-expectancy, but chose not to tell the family. During this whole time, my mother was his primary care giver, taking him to treatment centers & appointments, hauling him and the wheelchair around, bathing him, at his every beck & call, and in the later months/weeks, feeding him and changing adult diapers. It was a 24/7 job, and rough time for her, to say the least. I cannot even begin to imagine what she went through during that time.

A few weeks after he passed away, my mom went to visit her sister for some much needed, and deserved, R & R. She certainly needed to get away from everything, take some time for introspection and where her life would lead her next, etc. She came back rejuvenated, started working again, and was going to group grief counseling. Over the next six months, all seemed to be going well, or as well as anyone could hope. She told me and my sisters that she "met a friend" who had lost his wife to cancer just the previous year. They had been meeting up and talking a lot for about a month, but she was worried about telling us about it. I was genuinely happy for her, so she would have someone to talk to who could empathize what she had been though and is still going through. What we didn't know is that they were actually dating and were more than just "friends," as she always put it. Read on here >>>

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