When a Marriage Ends: Grieving the Death of a Love Relationship

In every friendship hearts grow and entwine themselves together, so that the two hearts seem to make only one heart with only a common thought. That is why separation is so painful; it is not so much two hearts separating, but one being torn asunder.  ~ Fulton J. Sheen

A reader writes: Two months ago my wife of 5 years came to me out of the blue and asked me for a divorce. To make a long and painful story short, she had been seeing another man and in the time since discovering this I have found out our entire relationship was one lie after another.

I feel foolish, naive, weak, and sad. I am an intelligent, attractive, passionate, funny, 32-year-old and yet I find myself sobbing at times for this loss. I am deeply spiritual, and have found much comfort in my faith. But I just don't know how to let go. Every sign is pointing to the fact that I have really lost nothing, but instead have been given the chance to greatly improve my health and overall wellbeing.

I feel weak knowing that deaths and marriages much longer than mine abound. I realize the significance of loss is deeply personal, but I still feel irrational and very foolish.

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 7 - April 13, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

A recent study described subjective paranormal experiences with dead pets among 544 bereaved dog owners. These ghostly encounters took many forms and were almost always viewed as positive experiences. These paranormal experiences may help pet lovers deal with disenfranchised grief. Have You Ever Encountered the Ghost of a Deceased Pet? « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 18 - February 24, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Whether it’s the diagnosis of an advanced cancer or a non-malignant condition such as dementia, heart failure or Parkinson’s disease, the psychological and emotional process of grief can begin many months or even years before the person dies. This experience of mourning a future loss is known as anticipatory grief. Not all mourning happens after bereavement – for some, grief can start years before the death of a loved one « The Conversation

Making Comparisons in Grief

I generally find that comparison is the fast track to unhappiness. No one ever compares themselves to someone else and comes out even. Nine times out of ten, we compare ourselves to people who are somehow better than us and end up feeling more inadequate.  ~

Jack Canfield

As news about mass shootings and natural disasters continues to flood the airwaves, our hearts go out to the victims, survivors, and others who witnessed these horrific events, as well as to the people living in those places. As a nation we express our collective condolences, offer our heartfelt prayers, and work to contribute whatever we can toward their healing.

For those of us already struggling with grief, however, such catastrophic events unfortunately can give rise to feeling guilty for feeling bad, as if we don’t have a legitimate right to mourn our own individual losses.

In Grief: When Pet Loss Feels Worse Than Person Loss

[Reviewed and updated March 5, 2024]

Nobody can fully understand the meaning of love unless he's owned a dog. A dog can show you more honest affection with a flick of his tail than a man can gather through a lifetime of handshakes.  ~ Gene Hill

A reader writes:  I am totaly amazed with myself. My beloved dog got taken away very suddenly a week ago, hit and run, and I am a basket case over that. I know pets are not human, but does that make the loss any less? I am so sad I can really die. I know people say get over it he's only a dog, but he wasn't only a dog he was litterally my best friend. My grandfather passed away yesterday, and I feel so confused.

In Grief: Death of A Marriage

A reader writes: Two months ago my wife of 5 years came to me out of the blue and asked me for a divorce. To make a long and painful story short, she had been seeing another man and in the time since discovering this I have found out our entire relationship was one lie after another.

I feel foolish, naive, weak, and sad. I am an intelligent, attractive, passionate, funny, 32-year-old and yet I find myself sobbing at times for this loss. I am deeply spiritual, and have found much comfort in my faith. But I just don't know how to let go. Every sign is pointing to the fact that I have really lost nothing, but instead have been given the chance to greatly improve my health and overall wellbeing.

I feel so weak knowing that deaths and marriages much longer than mine abound. I realize the significance of loss is a deeply personal thing, but I feel irrational and so very foolish. Read on here >>>

In Grief: Feeling Guilty for Feeling Bad

Don’t compare yourself to others. That’s a battle you can never win. ~ Michelle Parsons

As news about the atrocities in Ukraine continues to flood the airwaves, our hearts go out to the victims, survivors, refugees and others witnessing these horrific events, as well as to the people fighting for their homeland and struggling to survive in that war-torn country. As a nation we express our collective condolences, offer our heartfelt prayers, and work to contribute whatever we can to support them in their cause.

For those of us already struggling with grief, however, such catastrophic events unfortunately can give rise to feeling guilty for feeling bad. Our own individual loss may seem insignificant by comparison, as if we don’t have a legitimate right to mourn.

Caregiving, Grief & Pet Loss - November 30 - December 5, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In 2017, Margo Fowkes started the website Salt Water. The website is chock-full of blogs with topics ranging from loss to caring for yourself after loss. It also offers resources for the bereaved as well for tips for comforting the bereaved.  Navigating Grief’s Choppy Waters « Sacramento Magazine 

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 31 - June 6, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Experts discuss honoring loved ones lost to COVID-19 and the disproportionate impact the pandemic has had on communities of color. Thrive With Your Family: Coping With Loss and Grief « The University of Michigan

Coping with Pet Loss, June 2 - June 8, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Pet Grief Is Traumatic: Harder Than Losing a Human Friend, Study Finds http://j.mp/2QLGdnS « Wide Open Pets

Researchers Reveal That Losing A Dog Can Be As Hard As Losing A Loved One, http://j.mp/2QWmSkh « Power of Positivity

The gifts our dying dog gave to my sons, http://j.mp/2KnBMyI « The Washington Post

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Coping with Pet Loss, February 24 - March 2, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

New York Allows Pet Burials in Human Cemeteries, http://bit.ly/2NEVfKQ  « Seven Ponds Blog

Losing a Pet Can Be Just as Hard as Losing a Loved One, http://j.mp/2GS5Lxz  « PsychCentral

Pet Loss: Cannot Stop Crying, http://j.mp/2GwOudd « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here. 

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 17 - February 23, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The hierarchy of grief is real - and that's okay. Every grief is valid. http://j.mp/2GFhwHH « Refuge in Grief

Please Know: I Love Talking About My Child Who Died, http://j.mp/2GIaZMc  « Still Standing Magazine

“End Game” Nominated for an Academy Award, http://j.mp/2GBinJi « Seven Ponds Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 30 - January 5, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

'Mary Poppins Returns' Is a Subtle Exploration of Grief,  http://j.mp/2BWWdfU  « The Atlantic

When a Loved One is Dying: The Unspoken Emotions and Impact of Grief, http://j.mp/2BZ6Z5u « PSYCOM

Hospice of the Valley offers support in Fountain Hills, http://j.mp/2C2HQqe  « Fountain Hills Times

In Grief: Everyone's Loss Is Somehow Different But The Same

[Reviewed and updated September 29, 2024]

A reader writes: Every time I hear someone call my husband's name I am reminded that he is gone. He was so young. My grown children were very angry at God that he took their father at 66, they thought it wasn't fair, he didn't have more time on earth. Still, I read this morning of a widow whose husband was only 46, that is really very very young. We all think this terrible thing is only happening to us until we read of others and their pain, and then we can understand everyone's loss is somehow different but the same.

Coping with Pet Loss, March 13 - March 19, 2016

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Video: Pet Loss Issues On A Good Goodbye TV, http://j.mp/1Uq78Ud « A Good Goodbye

Companies Allowing Pet Bereavement Days - Company Policy on Death of a Pet, http://j.mp/1PgGghn « House Beautiful

Think the weight of grief is lighter over the loss of a pet? Think again, http://j.mp/1PiNLoe « Psychiatric Times

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Is Grief A Normal Reaction to Divorce?

Source

[Reviewed and updated March 8, 2026]

Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another.  ~ Toni Morrison

A reader writes: I recently tried to join a grief group. When the leader found out that my wife had not died, she told me that the others in the group would not feel that my grief was as deep as theirs. She suggested that I look for a divorce-recovery group. I wish I was certain that recovery will eventually happen. It has been over 17 years since I lost my wife. Isn’t it pretty clear by now that I will not ever recover?

My response: I’m so sorry to learn that you were met with such insensitivity from a support group leader. I also think your story illustrates the importance of the language we choose to use when speaking about grief.

First, it is pointless to compare one person’s loss with another’s, or to argue whether one type of loss is “deeper” than another kind. Better to say that the grief associated with divorce is different from the grief experienced when a spouse dies, but it is still a death – the death of a relationship – and it still engenders grief.

Grief: Understanding The Process

[Reviewed and updated May 30, 2026]

Grief will make a new person out of you, if it doesn't kill you in the making.  ~ Stephanie Ericsson

Few of us are prepared to face the excruciating pain associated with the death of a loved one. We think we cannot bear it, that to feel such sorrow is abnormal, as if we're going mad. Yet loss is a natural part of life's cycle of growth, decay and rebirth. We know that when someone dearly loved is lost, certain feelings and reactions will be experienced by most people. Still, there is no rule book that works for everyone, because how we experience grief ~ and for how long ~ is uniquely personal and distinct. Finding your way through grief successfully requires some knowledge and understanding of the grief process, and a willingness to do the work of mourning.

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 20 - October 26, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Thomas Lynch on Cremation, Accessories and the Good Funeral, http://j.mp/1g0RUAP  « A Good Goodbye with Gail Rubin

Wake up! It’s Day of the Dead,  http://j.mp/1ajxSvs « Navigating Grief

Widow chokes and dies while writing widow blog, http://j.mp/1dtiUIj « Widow's Voice

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 21 - April 27, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

National Victims of Crime Week to increase understanding of Homicide Grief, http://bit.ly/11sVLul « Aftermath of Murder Survivor Stories

Powerful post on Lessons Learned: 6, http://j.mp/14YKyJV « Widow's Voice

Is it Harder to Mourn an Actual Loss or Loss of an Ideal You Never Had? http://j.mp/163b2cf « GoodTherapy.org

Hundreds of death, grief, thanatology experts gather at ADEC conference this week, http://huff.to/15YN2XK « Huffington Post

Book Review: “Closer Than You Think” discusses After-Death Communication, http://j.mp/11ZgXZi « SevenPonds Blog

When Grief Seems Insignificant by Comparison

As news about mass shootings continues to flood the airwaves, our hearts go out to the victims, survivors, and others who witnessed these horrific events, as well as to the people living in those places. As a nation we express our collective condolences, offer our heartfelt prayers, and work to contribute whatever we can toward their healing.  Read on here >>>