Pet Loss: When Prolonged Grief Prevents Bonding With Another Dog

The bond with a dog is as lasting as the ties of this earth can ever be.   ~ Konrad Lorenz

A reader writes: I know this is seemingly weird but possibly you can help. I am a 37 year old male and I still cry at night sometimes. Here’s why. Three years ago my beloved Copper had to be put down due to cancer. I got him as a pup 13 years prior and for the first 3 years of his life it was just him and I. (We lived on a farm.) I got Copper to try and get through a very difficult time in my life and looking back if it was not for him I probably wouldn't be sending you this message.

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 8 - October 21, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X stream this week:

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, which brings attention to the fact that tens of thousands of families across the country suffer the loss of their baby each year. It also brings awareness to the fact that the grief of these families isn’t widely acknowledged. Recognizing the Unique Grief of Bereaved Parents « Stanford Medicine

In Grief: When A Loved One Is Missing

[Reviewed and updated November 29, 2024]

Not every loss was confirmed by an officer at the door. Nor a telegram with the power to sink a fleet. Loss, often the worst kind, also arrived through the deafening quiet of an absence. ~ Kristina McMorris

A reader writes:  I honestly think I'm going a little mad. Three months ago my brother took a break from moving into his apartment [in Jamaica], went out for lunch, and never returned. Boxes were not opened and he never slept in the bed. His car was never recovered, which makes things more complicated. From all indications the police have a suspect(s) but according to them, without a confession or a witness there is absolutely nothing they can do.

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 2 - April 8, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A new study finds differences between men and women in the "widowhood effect." Men have a higher likelihood of dying themselves after the death of their spouse than women do. I Can’t Live Without Her: When Grieving Men Die « Psychology Today

Coping with Pet Loss, April 1 - April 7, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In Home Euthanasia: A Better End of Life Experience, http://j.mp/2Hfsota The Conscious Cat

How a Pet Hospice Vet Can Help Your Senior Dog, http://bit.ly/2otGHR9 « Dogster

Pet Loss: Helping A Friend with Unresolved Grief, http://j.mp/2uHIx8c « Grief Healing

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Pet Loss: Helping A Friend With Unresolved Grief

[Reviewed and updated June 5, 2021]

It comes with experience as we go along with our life. The more we realize on who to give our love, care and time, the more we understand ourselves for the better.  ~ Alcuizar Barredo

A reader writes: I was just surfing the net looking for info regarding pet loss in trying to help a friend of mine. I noticed your article about unhealthy bonding, and it so happens my friend is in just that situation. She called her pet her "child" and was overly attached to it during its life, excluding relationships at the expense of the pet and turning down invitations that did not include the pet as you said in the article. The pet died two years ago and she is still grieving heavily and is unwilling to move from a home that she is unhappy with due to not wanting to move away from the grave. Basically, your article describes her to a tee. I am at a loss as to how to help my friend. Can you give my any suggestions?

Pet Loss: When Guilt Goes Unresolved

Source

[Reviewed and updated October 26, 2024]

Dealing with guilt is often thought of as the “dark side” of grieving. In fact, if you were to write a play about grief, guilt would be your villain.  ~ Dana Durrance

A reader writes: First I want to say that my 10-year-old dog is the love of my life sent to me by God to care for. He is epileptic and I devote my life and time to helping him in every way. I dread the day he has to leave me. My prior dog I also loved, perhaps not as closely, but she lived to be almost 17 and I loved her. My problem is that many years ago I gave away a little dog to someone, even knowing in my heart it was not the best home, and I am pretty sure she got run over as they lived on a busy road. It is a long story, but what was I thinking?

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 15 - May 21, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What is an Undertaker? Interview with Patrick McNally, Part 1, http://j.mp/25f4w1R « SevenPonds Blog

Coping with loss? Find a New Mirror, http://j.mp/1U5Qd6U « Second Firsts

Laughter and Grief, http://j.mp/1WINZi4 « HuffPost Lifestyle

On Dating A Widower: Is This Unresolved Grief?

[Reviewed and updated March 16, 2022]

He that conceals his grief finds no remedy for it.  ~ Turkish Proverb

A reader writes: I am currently dating a widower who feels the need to publish a picture of his ex-wife in the local newspaper twice a year, on her birthday and date of death. He has been doing this for five years. We have been dating for four-and-a half-years. My husband died suddenly of a heart attack just a month after my companion’s wife died following a two-year battle with colon cancer. At this point, I’m not sure how I am tolerating these very public displays of grief. I have been told that such public displays of mourning are indications of unresolved grief/guilt. My sense is that this is true, which causes me concern not only for my health and that of the man I am dating but for our relationship as well.

Delayed Grief Goes Unresolved, Negatively Impacts Marriage

[Reviewed and updated May 31, 2022]

We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Grit your teeth and let it hurt. Don't deny it, don't be overwhelmed by it. It will not last forever. One day, the pain will be gone and you will still be there. ~ Harold Kushner

A reader writes: I lost my father in 2002. It was an unexpected death. I mourned some at the time, but mostly I pushed it down - diving into whatever distractions possible...my mom, details, arrangements, whatever I could. He was my rock and main branch of support in a lot of ways....we were always very close.

Is Grief Ever Resolved?

Source

by Mary Friedel-Hunt, MA, LCSW

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~ Abraham Lincoln

A reader writes: Maybe I'm not a good example of surviving this loss. It still hurts, maybe a little duller but it still can bring me to my knees. The life I had with my partner is so drastically different than life today, that's what's so hard to cope with. The kindness, love, acceptance, support, encouragement, laughter has completely been removed from my existence. Is grief ever resolved?