Grief Support Online: An Invitation

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[Reviewed and updated February 22, 2024]

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.  ~ Maya Angelou

Surely one of the most painful aspects of losing a loved one to death is that somehow, on top of all our grief, we must tolerate all the insensitive comments and empty platitudes we may hear from friends, relatives and others who think that they are helping us. If they don’t know what to say, they may talk about the weather or some other mundane topic – anything except to discover how we’re doing and how we are coping. Those who are unable to face us may avoid us altogether, as if we no longer exist for them.

Sometimes people say things out of ignorance and inexperience, and we are left feeling angry, frustrated, disgusted and hurt. Stunned with shock and disbelief, we think to ourselves, “How could they say such an awful thing? Don’t they know how much it hurts?” The answer is simply that No, they don’t know, because they haven’t been where we are and they haven’t walked in our shoes.

Caregiving and Hospice, August 5 - August 11, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 5 - August 11, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Coping with Pet Loss, August 5 - August 11, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Does Child Loss Destroy a Marriage?

[Reviewed and updated October 19, 2024]


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That which does not kill us makes us stronger. ~ Friedrich Neitzsche

A reader writes: I think we need to seek out whatever help we can to be able to balance reality against our fears . . .When we lost an infant to SIDS some time ago, the one thing that really convinced me to get help was being told that many marriages end after the loss of a child, since the couple's grief is different and they find it harder to communicate.

My response: My friend, I agree completely with your statement about seeking help and balancing reality against our fears, and I'm so pleased to know that you followed your own advice. Nevertheless, as a grief counselor, and as a wife and mother who several years ago experienced the unexpected death of our own baby, I feel a need to respond.

Caregiving and Hospice, July 29 - August 4, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 29 - August 4, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Coping with Pet Loss, July 29 - August 4, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:
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Pet Euthanasia Gone Bad

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[Reviewed and updated January 13, 2026]

A reader writes: We put down our 14-year-old huskie at the vet today. She had bad arthitis in her hips and knees and a skin infection we couldn't clear up, but the big thing was she had anal gland cancer. They showed it to us a month ago, and said it was aggressive. We kept her home on meds for pain and infection, and watched it. She still had a great appetite and drank up until yesterday. It just seemed like it was harder and harder for her to get up and down and walk, and that thing on her bottom had to hurt. Anyway, we took her and I don't think I'll be able to get over it if I live to 100.

Caregiving and Hospice, July 22 - July 28, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: