How Can the World Go On When My Loved One Has Died?

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[Reviewed and Updated January 19, 2023]

I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why everything’s the same as it was
I can’t understand, no, I can’t understand
How life goes on the way it does
~ The End of the World by Arthur Kent and Sylvia Dee, as sung by Skeeter Davis

A reader writes: My father died 5 weeks ago. He died at 49 of a heart attack, working in the snow. I was very close to him my whole life. I spoke to him three times the day he died. Little did I know that hours later I would be giving the hospital a positive ID to his body. I have trouble getting that night out of my head. My dad was the funniest and carefree person I have ever known, and I know I will never be the same. Everyone from old friends even down to my own mother has been insensitive and somewhat rude. People think I should be ok by now. I feel like no one around me understands how much it hurts. I can't imagine such a positive part of my life gone forever. I cry all the time everyday. I feel like there is no answer because he won't be coming back. I know my dad thought I was the most gorgeous girl, he was so proud of me, he bragged about me to everyone he talked to. It's hard to know the person who loved me the most is gone, and so is that love. I don't know how to act, I don't know how to treat people. I'm so angry that the world is going on like he wasn't that important. Even my brother who I know loved my dad deeply seems to be fine. I'm far from fine, and I'm starting to think I have a problem. I don't want to go to work anymore because the people seems to think I need to get over it, and a few have said that. I miss him so much I can't believe I will never here him speak again.

Caregiving and Hospice, March 24 - March 30, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

When Dealing With a Very Sick Spouse, Bravery Is Essential, http://j.mp/YYFSKO « Huffington Post

Create a Caregiver Corps that would include debt forgiveness for college graduates to care for our elders, http://wh.gov/GURc « We The People

After the Diagnosis, the Get-Togethers, http://j.mp/14BUfwy « NYT

Caregiving and Taxes: Video post with links to more tax information, http://ow.ly/jyhtB by @AmyGoyer « AARP

Powerful Breast Cancer Photo Essay: Man Documents His Wife's Brave Battle With The Disease, http://j.mp/YOvu92 « Huffington Post

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 24 - March 30, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Thoughtful essay on spiritual challenges of grief, http://j.mp/YRHOpg « Memoirs from Widow Island

Eben Alexander, M.D. on the real meaning of Easter, http://j.mp/173nXtS

Easter, Passover and Grief: dozens of helpful articles on coping with holidays, http://j.mp/3jkKKh

Easter: Dealing With Grief During the Holidays http://j.mp/XMoWYn by @AmyGoyer « AARP

Helpful: Easter and Grief: remembering loved ones, http://j.mp/106YpYt

Coping with Pet Loss, March 24 - March 30, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Free compassion fatigue course for pet professionals, http://ow.ly/jia5P by @NEPetHospice via @hrvethospice

Dealing With the Death of a Pet, http://j.mp/ZrIQHz « Comfort Circle via @eFuneral

Tips on helping kids handle pet loss, http://bit.ly/10EIaDg from @ForeverPets via @TOCKids

Are pets part of your family? http://j.mp/10cJiMl « About.com | Death and Dying

Dealing with guilt and seeking forgiveness after pet loss,http://j.mp/10hedqU  by @MarianneSoucy

Memorializing a Cherished Pet

If we are loved and remembered, then we live on forever in the hearts of those who love us. ~ Ted Menten

As I was leafing through my copy of The Fireside Book of Dog Stories (a treasure I inherited from my father after he died too soon from a heart attack in 1978), I came across an old newspaper clipping I'd apparently tucked between its pages many years ago. I'm going to share the contents of the clipping with you, but first I want to tell you a bit about my father.

A beloved physician and surgeon with a country doctor's charm, my father was a lover of all creatures great and small, but most especially he was a dog lover. It didn't matter what kind -- our family had many different breeds as I was growing up, including a cocker spaniel, a boxer, a collie, a German shepherd and a couple of loveable mutts -- but his favorite by far was the female Saint Bernard-collie mix he named Moose.

Caregiving and Hospice, March 17 - March 23, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Tethered to a pole: the challenge of end of life decisions, http://j.mp/11vY5Xi by Ishani Ganguli

Ask Elizabeth: What Is Palliative Care? http://j.mp/X2eG38 by Natalie Strouth, RN

Powerful description of caregiving and grief: Suddenly, They're All Gone, http://j.mp/Zimw32 « NYT

Latest Professionally Speaking Interview with Joan Teno, MD, MS, http://j.mp/14ccUOX « Hospice Foundation of America

Film Review: Amour http://bit.ly/ZYouXm « Seven Ponds Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 17 - March 23, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A son's touching tribute: My Father's Horniness, http://j.mp/167NIrz by Dax Shepard

Defending Against Loss, http://j.mp/11rBuaz by Tara Brach

Film Review: The Way, http://j.mp/10uwXoM « The Family Plot Blog

Celebrities speaking up about grief, http://wp.me/p2KrvU-Es « What's Your Grief?

Powerful lesson shared: A Death Remembered, http://j.mp/YKl5ul by Mtutuzeli Nyoka

Taking Time to Mourn a Mother's Death

[Reviewed and updated June 21, 2021]

A reader writes: I just lost my Mom three weeks ago. She had cancer which spread to her brain. The last year of her life was one of pain initially and then side effects from the chemo and radiation. During the last few months she also became confused due to the tumor pressing on her brain. We were able to bring her home with us during the last 12 days of her life with the help of hospice, which was wonderful . 

This past year has been a very trying one for our family. Now that she is gone, I just want to be left alone. My husband, children and sister have been a great support and I need them around me. However, I feel as if others expect me to move on immediately. My dad and his wife were scheduled to come in to visit (they live in another state) about ten days after my mother’s death, and I asked them to postpone it because I wasn't up to it. He took it personally and I found myself comforting him because I hurt his feelings. He has postponed it for only a week later.

Caregiving and Hospice, March 10 - March 16, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Helpful! 19 Free Services for Seniors, Caregivers, http://j.mp/13ZS997 via @Distinctivept

How Mom’s Death Changed My Thinking About End-of-Life Care,  http://j.mp/XQkVWn « ProPublica

This Weekend, USA Today Includes a Caregiving Supplement, http://j.mp/Wv0cGE « Caregiving.com

The fine balance between hope and cope in cancer patients, http://j.mp/ZHWffh

Give patients end-of-life options says NHPCO board member Joan Teno MD, http://CNN.com via NHPCO_news

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 10 - March 16, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

LifeLines: Using Art to Heal Grief, http://j.mp/15ai6iz

After a Sibling Dies - Replacement Children, http://j.mp/Z5voZN « Sunshine In A Blue Cup

Unique challenges of Suicide — Without Warning, http://j.mp/XJLdM6 « Grief Digest Magazine

Lessons Learned From Loss – List #1, http://j.mp/10YO0BJ by @NancysPoint

Stunning commentary on couple's grief following stillbirth: On Carrying Grief (And Carrying Each Other), http://j.mp/140X5uN