Voices of Experience: The Trouble With Triggers

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by Harry Proudfoot, Walking with Jane

One of my most painful, hurtful, appalling experiences occurred the first time I went to the grocery store after Robby died . . . Every shelf, every aisle reminded me of my dead son. Either the item was something he hated or something he loved. Green beans and hot dogs and peanut butter sent stabs of pain through me.
~ Harriet Sarnoff Schiff

I finished redoing the living room today. Six weeks ago, I ordered two love seats to replace the couch and love seat Jane and I bought when we built this house just over twenty years ago. I’d finally figured out that even with new slipcovers, those two pieces set me off every time I entered the room.

In the process of getting everything in the room balanced—I’ve never studied feng shui, but I know when things are arranged right I feel better than when they aren’t—I decided to remove the next level of knick-knacks that I have kept out as reminders of the couple we were. Fifty-five months and 15 days is long enough to keep the two doll-sized mugs embossed with "My Sweetheart” out where they can remind me every day of what I’ve lost.

Caregiving and Hospice, July 26 - August 1, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Everything you ever wanted to know about death but were too afraid to ask, http://j.mp/1UeMFyQ « The Age, New South Wales

Powerful: Reflections of an Alzheimer's Spouse: Stress and Grief, http://j.mp/1DPqdTw « HuffPost Healthy Living

Details and Lyrics: Ain't The Way To Die, http://j.mp/1MtTASL « ZDoggMD

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 26 - August 1, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Healing Takes A Lifetime, http://j.mp/1DgR5B8 « The Grief Toolbox

Beautiful: She became a hospice nurse because of this story, http://j.mp/1KFhxnR « Kevin MD

Observing A Deceased Loved One's Birthday, http://j.mp/1I64F9c « What's Your Grief?

Coping with Pet Loss, July 26 - August 1, 2015

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Pet Loss and Animal Communication: Suggested Resources, http://j.mp/1Jpoef9 « Grief Healing Blog

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Pet Loss and Animal Communication: Suggested Resources

[Reviewed and updated April 6, 2023]

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. . . when we love animals and want to honor and effectively communicate with them, we must relate to them not only via their physical bodies and observable behavior, but also beyond biology and behavior--to acknowledge and communicate with them at the level of their souls. ~ Teresa Whalen

A reader writes: I am in therapy, and one of the things that I discovered in my sessions is that as much as I miss my cat on a daily basis, what hurts me the most and continues to haunt me is her untimely and totally unexpected death. She was just TOO young and I feel it was so unfair that she was cheated out of her life. Even today, I continue to worry about her and wonder if she is okay. Upon my therapist's suggestion, I have tried to repeat to myself that wherever she is (?) that she is okay, but I find that easier to believe some days than other days. I just so want to believe/KNOW that she is alright. And although I want to do some kind of memorial, I am not ready. Just writing this has brought new tears and I know that looking at her pictures still has the same effect.

Caregiving and Hospice, July 19 - July 25, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Chemotherapy may worsen end-of-life quality, study finds, http://j.mp/1GNK45F « The Seattle Times

Still Caring, http://j.mp/1MNFI3H « Musings of a Distractible Mind

End-of-life chemotherapy: Does it do more harm than good? http://j.mp/1MrN5kf « CBS News

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 19 - July 25, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Touching! Child Loss: Falling In Autumn, http://j.mp/1GOaggw « The Grief Toolbox

SHOULD YOU BE OVER THIS BY NOW? http://j.mp/1HQcM9M «The Grief Toolbox

Coping with Anxiety While Grieving, http://j.mp/1JlAflH « VITAS Healthcare

Coping with Pet Loss, July 19 - July 25, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Living with an Actively Dying Dog, http://j.mp/1InP7PK « Nancy Tanner

Putting Maggie Down, http://j.mp/1KgbKVH « Healing Doc

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

On Dating A Widower: Is This Unresolved Grief?

[Reviewed and updated March 16, 2022]

He that conceals his grief finds no remedy for it.  ~ Turkish Proverb

A reader writes: I am currently dating a widower who feels the need to publish a picture of his ex-wife in the local newspaper twice a year, on her birthday and date of death. He has been doing this for five years. We have been dating for four-and-a half-years. My husband died suddenly of a heart attack just a month after my companion’s wife died following a two-year battle with colon cancer. At this point, I’m not sure how I am tolerating these very public displays of grief. I have been told that such public displays of mourning are indications of unresolved grief/guilt. My sense is that this is true, which causes me concern not only for my health and that of the man I am dating but for our relationship as well.

Caregiving and Hospice, July 12 - July 18, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Error in 'There's Nothing More We Can Do,' http://j.mp/1M5ZFED « The New York Times

Why palliative care is essential for 'A Beautiful Death,' http://j.mp/1CGI4AS « Anne Elizabeth Denny

Caregiving: What Comes Next After 'How Are You Doing?' http://j.mp/1HEWptC «
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