When Words Matter: Tips On Writing A Condolence Letter

[Reviewed and updated October 26, 2025]


A letter of condolence provides the opportunity for a very special form of writer/reader inter-connection, one that proclaims simply, 'I acknowledge your loss, and, in some measure, I share your pain.' This is the essential human message in all letters of condolence. ~ Leonard M. Zunin, MD and Hilary Stanton Zunin

A reader writes: I would like to know if you could assist me in writing a letter of condolence.

My response: I think this is a very important question, and I commend you for asking it. With our busy lifestyles nowadays, electronic communication alternatives such as cell-phones, texting and email have made letter-writing seem like such a daunting task for so many of us, if not a forgotten art altogether. Yet in times of sorrow, few things are more appreciated than a handwritten note, which can be held and read by the recipient, then saved and re-read over and over again.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 7 - December 13, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Facts About Senior Care Costs, http://j.mp/1zjE97P « Caring.com

Conscious Living and Dying: What Really Matters ~ Presentation by Karen Wyatt, MD, http://j.mp/16juDrN « SlideShare

How to Be A Good Friend to Someone With Cancer, http://j.mp/1DchqQ3 « What Next

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 7 - December 13, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief Healing: Resources for Young Widow(er)s http://j.mp/1nQhHP0 « Grief Healing Blog

Helping Another in Grief, by Grief Counselor Marty Tousley, http://j.mp/1zjbhwj « Healing eBooks

Finding Christmas and Peace after the Death of a Child, http://j.mp/1zKF5Dk « Open to Hope

Coping with Pet Loss, December 7 - December 13, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Pope Francis Says There’s a Place for Pets in Paradise, http://j.mp/1wME1zR « TIME

Beautiful! On Losing a Dog,  http://j.mp/1Ghfdz2 « Marking Our Territory

"This Sweet Man Just Lost His Beloved Dog. What He Wrote Afterwards Completely Destroyed Me," http://j.mp/1AfGAr0 « Reshareworthy

Pet Loss: Cat With FIV Euthanized Too Soon ~ Guilt Follows

Photo © Tony Northrup 2014
[Reviewed and updated December 2, 2025]

Only good people feel guilty.  ~ Rule 56, The Rules of Life by Richard Templar

A reader writes: For the last several months, I have been feeding a stray cat who started living in my yard. Since I already have two cats, I decided I’d try to find him a home, but if I couldn’t, I would take him as well. I bought an insulated kitty house and pet bed, and put out food for him in the yard every night. For the last few weeks, after work I would go straight to the yard and pet and play with him. He was very sweet and I got very attached to him. My friend said he would try to take him in, and we agreed that if it didn’t work out (he has one other cat) I would take him myself. As I drove the cat over to my friend’s house last night, he was crying and scared, but I kept reassuring him, "Don't be afraid buddy, I'm taking you to your wonderful, loving, warm new forever home." My friend called me this morning, crying hysterically and saying he’d just had the cat put to sleep.

Caregiving and Hospice, November 30 - December 6, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Doctors Tell All—and It’s Bad, http://j.mp/1rYEgWB « The Atlantic

As Palliative Care’s Importance Grows, UCSF Nursing Expands Training, http://j.mp/1z5zkQj « UCSF

A New Way to Love: Spouses Become Caregivers as Alzheimer's Progresses, http://j.mp/1yUwaxQ « Deseret News

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 30 - December 6, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Getting Through What You Can't Get Over, http://j.mp/129Op6C « Ezine Articles

My Mother's Appetite, http://j.mp/1vqa0yz « The Manifest-Station

Lou LaGrand: Developing a Routine for Refocusing Attention When Mourning, http://j.mp/12s9xEV « Ezine Articles

Coping with Pet Loss, November 30 - December 6, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Mourning a pet isn’t what it used to be, http://j.mp/1z3cUz4 « The Boston Globe

Goodbye, Bear, http://j.mp/1pICpUr « Huff Post Green

Delayed Grief Goes Unresolved, Negatively Impacts Marriage

[Reviewed and updated May 31, 2022]

We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Grit your teeth and let it hurt. Don't deny it, don't be overwhelmed by it. It will not last forever. One day, the pain will be gone and you will still be there. ~ Harold Kushner

A reader writes:
I lost my father in 2002. It was an unexpected death. I mourned some at the time, but mostly I pushed it down - diving into whatever distractions possible...my mom, details, arrangements, whatever I could. He was my rock and main branch of support in a lot of ways....we were always very close.

Caregiving and Hospice, November 23 - November 29, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

"We signed 4 DNR orders this month and you're telling me you did CPR on her?" http://j.mp/12feHEl « It's OK to Die

Who Will Speak for Superheroes When They Get Sick? http://j.mp/1v0VUZ9 « Pallimed

Dealing with Discouragement in Caregiving, http://j.mp/1rrrRtZ « The Caregiver Space