In Grief: Feeling Guilty for Feeling Happy

[Reviewed and updated September 23, 2024]

“And I can't be running back and forth forever between grief and high delight.”  ~ J.D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey

A reader writes: Six months ago whilst my world was going good for a change and I was expecting the birth of my beautiful baby girl, I got a phone call from the police in the middle of the night, informing me that my 19-year-old brother had taken his own life. This was two weeks before my due date. I was devastated and very confused whilst trying to figure out if I should be upset or happy that I was soon to be a mum. Being in such shock I was admitted into hospital so they could monitor my baby and give me something to help me sleep. Making things worse, his funeral was planned and took place on my due date. Knowing that I had to keep my baby safe, I spent the week keeping it together and trying not to get upset or cry. Although ten days overdue, my gorgeous little bundle arrived and I could not have been happier -- but I'm still riddled with guilt about being so happy at a time when I should have been in the pits of despair. At the same time, I have had to put on a brave face and smile even though most of the time I want to break down and cry. And I cannot let my baby see me sad because this is supposed to be a happy time.

Caregiving and Hospice, May 29 - June 4, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Communication and Practice: Re-Imagining the End-Of-Life Experience, http://j.mp/22AIotD « Pallimed

Study: Hope often trumps understanding of a physician's prognosis, http://j.mp/1O6Jlr6 « LA Times

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 29 - June 4, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In the Grief Browser, All the Tabs Are Open, http://j.mp/1srLyDr « HuffPost Healthy Living

How to Handle the EXHAUSTION of Grief, http://j.mp/1TRN6CN « The Grief Toolbox

Feeling Relief After A Death, http://j.mp/1Y0UxHH « What's Your Grief?

Resources for Service Members and Their Families, http://j.mp/1X8an4F « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Caregiving and Hospice, May 22 - May 28, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Hospice: What You Don't Know Can Hurt, http://j.mp/1Ub34SH « allnurses

Book Review: “Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying,” http://j.mp/27Vi2GH « SevenPonds Blog

The enemy is not death. The enemy is needless suffering, http://j.mp/1TU0i4q « Kevin MD

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 22 - May 28, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Making the Most of Memorial Day, http://j.mp/22nSpdq « Grief Healing

A Light In the Dark - My Tribute to Soaring Spirits International, http://j.mp/1TJKjZe « Soaring Spirits International Blog

Brilliant: Pre-planning your Emotional Response to Death...Ain't it Precious? http://j.mp/1TJD182 « Soaring Spirits International Blog

A Special Memorial Day Offer

From Self-Healing Expressions, publisher of my online email courses:

This Memorial Day as we take time to pause, remember
and honor the fallen in our personal ways,
we also extend our heartfelt gratitude to the families
who mourn their losses each and every day.

For anyone struggling with grief this holiday weekend,
breathe and take gentle care.

Today Self-Healing Expressions is pleased to offer you
or anyone in your circle who might benefit,
this free ebook by Marty Tousley, grief counselor
and author/instructor of The First Year of Grief: Help for the Journey.
See if it might be of support.

Explaining Stillbirth to A Toddler

[Reviewed and updated July 8, 2022]

There is no footprint too small that cannot leave an imprint in this world.  ~ Author unknown

A reader writes: This might be a hard request but is there anything you would recommend for my 2 ½ year-old granddaughter who knows her 23-week-old born still brother "has gone away?" She was told Eden was too small to come home, and when asked "Where do you think Eden is?" she says "with the fairies and angels."

My response: I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your family, and my heart goes out to all of you. As a grandmother, you are coping not only with your own grief at the loss of this baby, but with the grief of your own child and that of your granddaughter as well. That is a heavy load to bear.

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 15 - May 21, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What is an Undertaker? Interview with Patrick McNally, Part 1, http://j.mp/25f4w1R « SevenPonds Blog

Coping with loss? Find a New Mirror, http://j.mp/1U5Qd6U « Second Firsts

Laughter and Grief, http://j.mp/1WINZi4 « HuffPost Lifestyle

Coping with Pet Loss, May 15 - May 21, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

If Grief Is a Contest, I Win, http://j.mp/1swcqlr « HuffPost Women

Nothing 'Inappropriate' About Grieving the Death of Your Cat, http://j.mp/1R9O5GO « HuffPost The Power of Humanity

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Teen Grief: Grandparent's Death Triggers Unresolved Grief

Grief: "something thick and gooey inside" 

[Reviewed and updated December 6, 2021]

Grief was like the mud that covered them. Messy. Quickly spreading everywhere, once it found a way in. ~ Veronica Rossi

A reader writes: My grandpa died five months ago. He lived with me for the first nine years of my life after which I moved away. In the past six years plus, I saw him only once for 20 days about a 1.5 years ago. My grandpa was like a parent to me because my parents were working. We had an amazing few years together and he showered all of his love on me. I was his favorite. He was a beautiful man with a great sense of humor and selflessness. He always cared for other people and forgot himself in his worry over and care for others. He was a great soul and I was very, very close to him. But then he got seriously sick at the beginning of school and junior year being very important, I was unable to go see him. I made the choice of going through with my responsibilities instead of visiting him because that's what he would have wanted. He died a few days later and it was very painful for me. But it was even more devastating for my mom, so I wasn't able to talk about my grief with her.