In Grief and Caregiving: Finding Inspiration to Go On

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.     
~ Lao Tzu

A reader writes: I lost my dad four months ago. It has been a very difficult time for me. We were very close and our relationship grew even stronger 5 years ago when my mom underwent bypass surgery and suffered complications. As a result she developed what they call infarct dementia. Since my dad (who wasn't in the best of health) could not possibly care for her on his own, my wonderful husband  decided it was time for them to move in with us. I helped my dad nurse my mom back to a state where she could walk again and be in the world again. Although her recovery was miraculous in itself she was never again to be the same mentally. But that was o.k. we were just happy to have her back again. And for me it was a true lesson of how the power of love can get  you through your most difficult times. It certainly restored my faith. It was something that father and daughter did together as a true act of love.

The point of all of this is that my dad's passing left me feeling alone and hopeless. I silently asked myself how can I possibly care for my mom by myself?

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 4 - April 10, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

If we know someone who has lost a loved one – and especially if they were not able to have a funeral or a memorial for that person as a result of COVID-19 – we need to reach out to them, let them know we are thinking about them, and be present for them during their pain and loss.  Op-Ed: After Death, Grief Shared Is Grief Diminished « MedPage Today

In Grief: Finding Support in A Group

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Finding Support in A Grief Group

A reader writes: I am going to go to my first grief group meeting tomorrow afternoon. I have to admit, I have never been to any kind of support group meeting like this before, and I'm feeing pretty uncertain about it. Any thoughts you'd be willing to share with me?

My response: I applaud your decision to participate in a support group. It takes great courage to acknowledge your need for the support of others, and I respect and admire you for taking this important step in your own healing. Remember too that you are not alone in feeling as you do ~ I'm sure you'll meet others in your group who are just as reluctant to be there as you are. 

Humans by nature are social beings, and mourning is an interpersonal process. When death touches someone we love, whether that is a person or a cherished animal companion, we naturally feel a need to be with others who understand because their experiences are similar to our own, and we feel a need to tell our stories of loss. 

Unfortunately, because we still live in a death-denying culture, most of us have grown up with little if any exposure to death and dying. Until hospice programs offered an alternative, most people died in hospitals and nursing homes, and their remains were whisked off to funeral homes ~ it all took place somewhere other than at home. We've had little experience and training in how to manage grief. We don't live in tribes, villages or small towns anymore (where everyone knew everyone else and we knew what was going on in one another's lives), and unless we live near extended family, we don't have people around us who know enough about us to be with us in our losses. When someone close to us dies, the people we might encounter every day (at work, at the cleaners, the grocery store, the post office, etc.) know little or nothing about us and our losses, or what the deceased pet or person meant to us ~ so they don't know what we need or how to respond to us. And during the year-long COVID-19 pandemic, we may have been isolated and prevented from being with a loved one when they died, or unable to mourn a death in person with supportive family and friends. 

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 28 - April 3, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

My suffering feels irrelevant at times; so many other people around the entire world are experiencing the same struggles, or even worse struggles than my own. With that being said, we need to acknowledge the sheer magnitude of what we’ve been through.  A Grief Unobserved « The University News

In Grief: Struggling With Acceptance and "Letting Go"

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Struggling with Acceptance and "Letting Go" in Grief

A reader writes: I send you a letter, asking for guidance and help, my father passed away two months ago, and it's very hard to accept that he is gone, my mom is angry and sad, can you help us.

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 21 - March 27, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

[T]he emotional and psychological impacts of losing a limb are sometimes just as serious as the physical ones. The relationship between amputation, grief, and depression is very real and, often, very strong.  Coping Strategies for New Amputees: Limb Loss and Grief « The National Law Review

In Grief: Is This Counselor Safe For Me?

[Reviewed and updated September 22, 2024]

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear  ~ Zen Proverb

A reader writes: I hope it's okay to ask you this question, I have no one else to ask. I am seeing a hospice bereavement counselor, my Mom passed away two months ago, I have seen this lady about 5 times at the most, anyway, I saw her this past Friday and I finally told her that I was fighting with suicidal thoughts, she really said nothing but "they are not equipped to deal with this."

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss: March 14 - March 20, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Following a stroke, it’s normal for both survivors and those who love them to experience grief.  A stroke may cause many losses, including the loss of career, mobility, independence, and confidence. Grief After Stroke « Psychology Today 

These people, whom I affectionately refer to as “my coding friends,” may not know my name or where I live. But that doesn’t mean I’m not incredibly close with some of them. Dealing with Loss in An Online World « The Miami Student

Pet Loss: Still Mourning, 3 Years Later

The bond with a dog is as lasting as the ties of this earth can ever be.   ~ Konrad Lorenz

A reader writes: I know this is seemingly weird but possibly you can help. I am a 37 year old male and I still cry at night sometimes. Here’s why. Three years ago my beloved Copper had to be put down due to cancer. I got him as a pup 13 years prior and for the first 3 years of his life it was just him and I. (We lived on a farm.) I got Copper to try and get through a very difficult time in my life and looking back if it was not for him I probably wouldn't be sending you this message.

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 7 - March 13, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

On average, nine people are left in grief for every death. For those grieving the loss of loved ones, the impact of the 'grief pandemic' will long-outlast the virus. Why the 'grief pandemic' might outlast the worst of COVID-19 « CTV News