I wrote to you again when I needed to tell my five-year-old granddaughter what happened to Samantha. She knew our dog was old and tired, but she wasn’t there when Samantha was euthanized.
Based on your recommendation, I purchased The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst, about a boy who works through his grief by planning a memorial service for his cat and thinking of ten good things to say about Barney over his grave. When I tried to read it to my granddaughter, I only got through the first few lines before she began to sob and asked me to stop. She said it made her feel too sad and that she really missed Samantha—and she kept crying. Other than that, she doesn’t talk about Samantha at all, so should I just “drop” the subject?
My response: As a matter of fact, something very similar happened to me when I expressed sympathy to my then four-year-old granddaughter after her beloved goldfish died. I told her how sorry I was, and she immediately began to cry. Then, through her tears, she said, “I don’t want to talk about it.” So I simply gave her a warm hug and told her that was okay. I let her know I understood she was very sad because she loved her fish and would miss him very much.
With children this age, it’s so important to follow their lead. The most helpful thing you can do is let them know you are there—whenever and if ever they feel ready to talk. Children tend to move in and out of grief. One moment they may be crying, and the next they’re outside playing, seemingly carefree again. This is not avoidance—it’s a natural and healthy way that children regulate overwhelming feelings.
By offering to read the book, you already communicated something very important: that you are open and willing to talk about Samantha. That door is now open.
The next time you’re together, you might gently say something like, “I’ve been missing Samantha today. Do you remember the time she…?” and then share a warm, simple memory. This kind of gentle modeling shows your granddaughter that it’s okay to remember, to miss, and to feel. It also teaches her that love doesn’t end when someone dies—it continues, safely held in our hearts.
If she joins you, follow her lead. If she doesn’t, that’s okay too. You’re still showing her the way.
It sounds to me as if you are doing beautifully with your granddaughter. When you come from a place of honesty, patience, and love, you are giving her exactly what she needs.
And I hope you are tending to your own grief as well. The loss of a beloved companion like Samantha leaves a real and tender ache. Be gentle with yourself as you heal—and know that both you and your granddaughter are held in caring thought. ♥
Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.
Related:
© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment
Your comments are welcome!