In Grief: Coping with Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths.  ~ C.H. Spurgeon

A reader writes: I am trying to figure out if what I am going through is normal. I am thinking that it is probably some kind of panic or anxiety attack. It started when I had something upsetting happen totally unrelated to the death of my friend. Everything went okay with that situation but things seemed to get worse as the evening went on. Yesterday it was like I had tunnel vision all day. I felt shaky and detached. I have been restless, anxious, and feeling like I am sleep deprived when I have actually been sleeping.

Last night I had very bizarre nightmares that were very upsetting and frustrating and I am going through the day feeling odd. I have taken my blood pressure and it is low normal, cause I actually thought maybe my blood pressure had shot up or something. My heart rate is up though, close to 90 bpm. I have the sensation of panic. That's the only way I know how to describe it. Which is one of the reasons why I think this is a panic/anxiety attack. Has anyone else experienced this under the stress of a loss?

My response: These certainly sound like symptoms of a panic attack, but the very first thing I would recommend is making an appointment with your primary care physician as soon as possible, in order to rule out any underlying physical causes.

That said, in the normal course of grief, anxiety and panic attacks are not at all unusual. The death of a close friend is a significant loss ~ one that can profoundly shake your sense of safety and predictability in the world, while also heightening awareness of your own mortality.

Because your attacks seem to occur most often in the evening or when you’re trying to sleep, you might consider using relaxation recordings or guided imagery before bedtime. These tools can help replace disturbing thoughts and images with calmer, more peaceful ones. Many websites and bookstores offer excellent pre-recorded programs created by skilled professionals, allowing you to practice in the privacy of your own bedroom.

My clients and readers often recommend guided imagery to one another as an effective ~ and inexpensive ~ way to manage anxiety. As one widow recently shared:

"A guided imagery CD by Belleruth Naparstek does the trick for me. She has a very soothing voice, and I find myself so focused on it that I’m able to calm myself down. I also use it on nights when I have trouble falling asleep. When my husband first died, I couldn’t sleep at all. My doctor prescribed medication, but I hated the ‘hangover’ feeling the next day. The CD does the trick, and with no side effects.”

You may want to begin by learning more about guided imagery through the work of Belleruth Naparstek, a respected expert in the field. Her article What is Guided Imagery? is an excellent starting point.

In addition, there are many free relaxation resources available online, including music and nature sounds. For example, you might explore:

Rainforest Relaxation

Relaxing Music

Another highly effective tool for managing anxiety is learning how to breathe properly. When we feel anxious, we often hold our breath or breathe very shallowly, which can worsen symptoms. Healthy breathing allows air to reach the lower lobes of the lungs, where optimal exchange occurs.

One of our online members described her daily breathing practice this way:

“Every morning and night, I recline in my chair, place my hands on my belly, and breathe deeply so I can feel my belly rise. On the inhale, I tell myself I’m breathing in goodness and calm; on the exhale, I imagine breathing out fear and doubt. When panic begins, I also focus on my five senses ~ what I can hear, see, touch, smell, and taste. More often than not, this prevents the panic from becoming a full-blown attack.”

If you’d like to learn more about this approach, see How to Practice Conscious Breathing to Reduce Stress and Anxiety, which includes specific guided exercises.

Over the past twenty years, researchers and clinicians have developed a variety of effective tools for coping with anxiety. These approaches are practical, fast-acting, and accessible, and they can be used alone or alongside other forms of therapy. In addition to guided imagery, they include Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Thought Field Therapy (TFT), Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAT), Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PET), Trauma Incident Reduction (TIR), Imagery Rehearsal Therapy (IRT), Visual Kinesthetic Dissociation (VKD, also known as the Rewind Technique), and Somatic Experiencing (SE), among others. 

Although this range of options may feel overwhelming, I encourage you to begin by learning more about guided imagery. See especially these helpful resources:

Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Columns and Articles by Belleruth Naparstek

Using Emotional Freedom Techniques in Grief

Guided Imagery or Visualization

Healing Affirmations

Belleruth Naparstek’s Guided Imagery Center

Your feedback is always welcome. Please feel free to leave a comment, ask a question, or share a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like updates delivered directly to your inbox, you’re also invited to subscribe to the weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here. 

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• Widow Chick: Is Knowing Half The Battle?
• Widow's Voice: Anxiety
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© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT  

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