In Grief: Did I Hasten My Father's Death?

[Reviewed and updated September 23, 2024]

I would rather be punished for making the right decision than live with the guilt of making the wrong one for the rest of my life.  ~ Shannon Messenger

A reader writes: My father passed away recently and I’m struggling with so much guilt. He had been battling cancer for nearly ten years. It started with prostate cancer and then spread to bones and I’m not sure if to a different area as well. He did radiation, chemo, oral chemo, and other treatments as well.

Caregiving, Grief & Pet Loss, March 15 - March 21, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Eight reasons why the death of an elderly loved one can be difficult. Grieving the Death of an Elderly Loved One, https://j.mp/396zsos « What's Your Grief?

What this statement ultimately implies, whether intended or not, is that we should worry less about the virus because it impacts old and not young. Please Stop Minimizing the Death of Older Adults, https://j.mp/2Ue469X « What's Your Grief?

Helping Another in Grief: Suggested Resources

[Reviewed and updated June 28, 2026]

Why do we keep looking for support in all the wrong places? It's like shopping for milk in a hardware store!  ~ David Kessler

The ability to reach out to others, empathize with their pain and give hope in the face of the most devastating of circumstances is a rare and precious gift ~ and not always easy to find. Unless they've encountered death in a very personal way, most people really don't know what grief feels like and they may not know what, if anything, they can say or do to help us.

In Grief: "I Think I Killed My Mother"

[Reviewed and updated September 23, 2024]

When we finally come to accept that suffering, impermanence and death are facts of life, we are freed from our unrealistic expectations, our grasping, and our subsequent disappointments and grief.  ~ Christine Longaker

A reader writes: My mother died last December at the age of 94. I have been tortured by thoughts that I didn't do enough to prolong her life. My mother and I were extremely close as my father died when I was 7 and I had no siblings. For the past 20 years, she had lived with my husband and me and our two daughters. She was the girls' caregiver while I worked. 
          My mother was my rock and so devoted to me and my family. I admit I took all that for granted. She moved across country with us 4 years ago when we relocated to a warmer climate. I didn't feel too guilty about uprooting her because all her siblings were gone and our small family was all that she had.