Death That Brings Relief: Suggested Resources

[Reviewed and updated March 24, 2025]

It is not the load that breaks you down. It’s the way you carry it.  ~ Lena Horne

A reader writes: Hello, I lost my mother last month. She died after a 3 year battle with lung cancer. She also had a stroke a year into her cancer treatments which left her unsteady, unable to drive and with slurred speech. Although she went through Chemo, and two series of Radiation, in addition to 40 days in the hospital for the stroke, she never stopped smoking. This was very frustrating to all of her family, as we were spending most of our time caring for her and taking her to Doctor appointments. It felt as though she didn't care about us. She was also very difficult to deal with, not taking her meds at the right time, over-medicating herself, not eating, not allowing for the care that she desperately needed in the home.

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 20 - February 26, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Talk of death is often avoided around children, unless the loss must be confronted. Approaching the subject, even when necessary, can leave caregivers uncertain about how to address it and what to say.  When a loved one is lost: Working through grief with a child « Columbia Missourian

Voices of Experience: It's Never Too Late to Grieve

A sibling may be the keeper of one’s identity, the only person with the keys to one’s unfettered, more fundamental self. ~ Marian Sandmaier

Judy Lipson says there is no recipe for grief. Her sisters were her compass, constant, champions, and competitors and for thirty years she suppressed the grief of losing her two beloved sisters. Judy lost her younger sister Jane at age 22 in an automobile accident and nine years later her older sister Margie at age 35 to a twenty-year battle with anorexia and bulimia. It was not until 2011 that Judy began her journey to mourn for Margie and Jane, turning tragedy into Celebration through an annual ice-skating fundraiser. The following is taken from Judy's book, Celebration of Sisters: It Is Never Too Late To Grieve, and is reprinted here with her permission.

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 13 - February 19, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The grief of chronic illness extends beyond grief over the loss of our health. We mourn the loss of our place in the world. 4 Losses We Mourn With Chronic Illness « MSN

Helping A Grieving Grandparent

When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne, let us think of the great family of the heavy-hearted into which our grief has given us entrance. And inevitably, we will feel about us their arms, their sympathy and their understanding.  ~ Helen Keller

A reader writes: Hello, I’m a grandmother watching her 10 yr old granddaughter suffer through osteosarcoma. I’ve denied the terminal diagnosis, hoping she’ll defy the odds. Hoping and praying for a miracle. I talk to the starry heavens every night, begging. I’m forced to watch my daughter suffer with her daughter’s suffering. I’m crushed and absolutely broken. I’m angry. Why the children …

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 6 - February 12, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Talking to children about death can be challenging. Memorials of Distintion spoke to DR Marianne Trent about how to approach the topic. How to talk to children about death: An Expert Guide « Memorials of Distinction 

Often, individuals with complicated grief reactions were wrongly viewed by health professionals and the general public as weak, too sensitive and needing to buck up and get on with things. Prolonged Grief Disorder « Psychology Today

Pet Loss: Supporting A Teen on the Autism Spectrum through Grief

It is no coincidence that both birds and angels have wings.  ~ Anonymous

A reader writes: My 15 year-old autism spectrum disorder son and his cockatiel were inseparable. Every waking and sometimes sleeping minute his bird was on him or next to him. My son stepped out side yesterday with his cockatiel on his shoulder. His bird flew to the ground just a few feet away and before my son could even take a step a hawk swooped down, grabbed his cockatiel and flew off. With my son's ASD this bird as he put it was his motivation to get out of bed each day. We all are so devastated and concerned for him. I know this only happened yesterday and the shock and pain are fresh but what can we do to not only help him heal but all of us?

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, January 30 - February 5, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

We hold on to love while we can, but sometimes letting someone go is the greatest expression of that love. I'm A Vet Who Helps People Say Goodbye To Their Pets. When My Dog Was Dying, I Couldn't. « HuffPost 

A Brooklyn writer learns to process her grief through her love of art. Welcome to The 'Grief Club' « YouTube

Traumatic Loss: Helping Grieving Grandsons

Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.  ~ Fred Rogers

A reader writes: My grandsons ages 4 and 7 lost their mom in a tragic single-car accident in which she had been drinking. The night of the accident the babies stayed with a friend of theirs while their mommy went to a friend’s birthday party and when they woke up they had no mom. They were never allowed back in their home, and life as they knew it had simply vanished. The 4-year-old is now 5 and is acting so badly in kindergarten they are talking medication for ADHD—he told us how his mom died and is so-matter-of -fact that you can feel the anger in his voice. A year prior to her death her father (their best friend) died of a heart attack while the younger boy (then age 3) was with him. The 8-year-old acts as the caregiver and basically seems to have shut down. They have had two therapists now and they've both quit on them. Please help. They are so young to experience so much trauma.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, January 23 - January 29, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

We call them unspeakable losses because we do not have the vocabulary to speak about them. My partner died. Then my brother. Here’s what not to say to someone who is grieving « The Guardian