Monday, July 5, 2021

In Grief: Contact With The Deceased?

To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.  ~ Thomas Campbell

A reader writes: Two years ago my husband of forty years passed away from congestive heart failure. I'm working through my grief and have done better than I ever thought I would. I have support and love from family and friends. I am secure financially. I am secure in my Christian faith. I am very blessed and I know it.

My question for you is this: Has anyone who's lost a loved one ever told you he/she has had some kind of experience with the deceased? Either seeing, hearing, or feeling the touch of the loved one. I have and I wanted to see what your thoughts are. Below are my own experiences.

One afternoon I was lying across my bed watching tv. At that time I was not even thinking about my husband consciously. I was not feeling particularly sad at that time. For some reason, I glanced at the bathroom door. I saw my husband standing there, inside that room. He was not facing me, but facing the small window. He said nothing. Nor did he move. He looked well and much like he did before poor health changed him over the past two years. He had on a t-shirt and shorts...something he always wore. I just looked at him and after about 8-10 seconds he was gone. I resumed watching tv, as if this were a common occurrence. This had seemed so normal. I was not alarmed or frightened or shocked. It just seemed so natural. For a while after this, I felt a sense of peace and comfort. I still have days where the ache of loss is hard and tears come, but this experience remembered always helps. The way my husband was in this experience was exactly the way I would have expected him to be. 

Another to mention. One afternoon I awoke from a nap, thinking I should get up because I needed to go somewhere and I didn't want to doze off again. Of course, I did. I jolted awake. It felt as if my foot had been grabbed and shook, in order to wake me up. My husband used to do that when I was sleeping and needed to get up. Could this be an ADC?

While Christmas shopping and feeling a little sad, I heard a man clearing his throat, and it sounded exactly like my husband. I realize this was probably coincidence, but I thought, Well, he's telling me he's nearby.

Thank you in advance for sharing your thoughts with me.

My response: I have indeed heard many stories similar to yours. 

You might be interested in some of my blog posts on this topic. See, for example, After Death Communication, After Death Communication, Continued, and After Death Communication: A List of Resources.

It may interest you to know that this topic has been discussed many times in our online grief discussion forums. Here is just a sampling of comments posted by our members over the years:

"I had an extremely real dream one night that my deceased husband and I were walking up his old street where he grew up. We were walking and talking but I could not see him. As we approached his house we looked in the front window and his mother was terribly upset and was being consoled by some other people. The meaning of this dream was 1) even though I could not see my husband does not mean that he is not here with me and 2) even though I did not get along with my mother-in-law did not mean she was not grieveing his loss too. Yes I do know this was a visit from my husband and it was not only very comforting but I called my mother in law the next day and we had a nice talk."

"I have received many signs from my husband. There are many material things around the house that all of a sudden appear, where I thought that I had lost them or had mentioned them in passing. I was talking to someone about going to Atlantic City, either I would drive or take a bus. I was telling that person if I drove I would have to get directions. About a week after that I was throughing some papers out and I found specific directions to Atlantic City that my husband had written some time ago on how to get to Atlantic City. Just about a month ago I had the gas company come to my home to check on my boiler and bleed my radiators. The rep. told me I could get the key that opens the radiator from any hardware store. Again, I was in my husband's office and on a shelf around a rubber band, there was this key. Now you might think that this is a made up. But, believe me, if I did not see it, I would not believe it myself. I don't believe in coincidences. These are very comforting signs to me. I think that if you feel something that is a sign from your husband, then just believe that is what it is. I don't tell many people about this, because they might think I am nuts or they say that's what you want to believe. I find it amazing at times when these things happen and it puts a smile on my face."

"I have had many contacts with my husband. He loved hummingbirds and I see them at random places with no feeders in site, I have also had a pair fly in my face and almost touch my nose. Our youngest daughter also saw her dad at our new house in the hallway, above her bed, he has never been here or lived here EVER!!!!!! I had a spirtual healer tell me my husband is around me alot, she felt a presence around me and I did not tell her of my loss, she told me things about me and I never met her in my life, like how many children we have, what he died of, I am in school she knew it, I never even told her my last name so she could not do a internet search and she did not even know I was coming over, she even knew that my husband passed away a year ago, some may think its creepy but I believe in spirits, angels and all that stuff. God is truly my higher power. After I told my husband to go be with God, I still see tons of hummingbirds and feel his prescence." 

"I've posted before about times when my husband has sent me signs or messages. For example, he helped me find the spare remote control for my car alarm system when without it, I would have had to spend several hundred dollars to have the old system stripped out so I could regain control of the car's ignition system. He also has helped me locate his wallet and important documents I needed to collect his life insurance benefits. There was also the time he left me the little Lucite stone with the message 'Miracles happen to those who believe.' I feel his presence all the time, and even though I've seen several articles about bees dying off and becoming scarce, almost every day I see them around the front of my house. That's significant because 'Bee' or 'Mr. Bee' was my nickname for him. Also, my dad was great at handyman stuff so whenever I'm having trouble trying to fix something by myself, I call on him for help. And either suddenly, I'll know how to get the job done or I'll hear from someone who can do it for me."

"Signs, it appears, come in many ways. I've been praying for two weeks for God to send me an eagle to let me know my husband was in heaven and doing okay. (I read if you ask for specific things, they will appear.) No signs came to me. Saturday night I was exhausted and rented a movie to watch. The DVD player was not working and I don't know what happened to it. I was upset with the kids for messing with it and hurt that my guy wasn't here to take care of it and tried for hours to get it to run. Needless to say, no movie. I called my husband's brother for suggestions and he was out. It turned out his wife is the guru at their house and she happened to have a DVD player I could have. She also had ordered me a copy of 'Continental Divide' which was mine and my husband's favorite movie of all times. I told her I didn't think I would be able to watch it because I didn't want to spend hours crying. I picked up the DVD player Sunday morning and got it hooked up really easily. Thinking I could use the comic relief of John Belushi, I put in "our" movie instead of the one I rented. There was a point in it where they climbed to the top of a mountain and there, sitting on a lone branch, were two eagles. Watching them soar and play ever so freely, I knew that this was my message. My man is okay. I have no doubt. I didn't cry, but sat there dumbstruck at how the chaos of the day before could be the reason for receiving the message I longed for. The funny thing is, I know every line of this movie and not once did I expect to see the eagles until they appeared. Pretty cool, eh?"

"The night following my wife's accidental death I fell asleep with a candle burning on a cabinet at the foot of our bed. I awoke after falling asleep, looking at the shadows that the flame cast onto the wall, and for a moment I could see in these shadows, the words 'I'm OK'. I still believe this was a reassuring message direct from my beloved."

"I know that we are to go by faith -- things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen -- yet we are finite human beings and so often it helps to have something/someone that is beyond our manipulation, to confirm what we need to know within us. It has been that way with rainbows for me, for the night my husband died there was a spectacular storm, so spectacular it was on the front page of the newspaper the next morning and my sister emailed me pictures of it...he indeed went out with a bang...and to see the triple rainbow that occurred along with it, well it was truly breathtaking. A month or two later I was driving down to church in the early evening and praying for God to give me a sign that my beloved was okay...and off to the right I saw a beautiful rainbow. I'd seen no rain beforehand, yet it was there with all of its splendor and colors! The other day I was feeling a need to hear from him, and again, I saw a rainbow, just a small one, but there all the same, to bring comfort to my heart. I know he is okay, God gave him a life beyond, it is for me and my lack of faith that I need these little encouragements, and I'm grateful that God grants them ever so often."

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Image by Jackson David from Pixabay

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