Monday, February 1, 2016

In Grief: Finding New Love After The Death of A Spouse

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[Reviewed and updated January 15, 2019]

A reader writes: I have insight into my growth through grief these past 2 years. At first it was a tight shell around me, I couldn't let anyone in. Now it's a softer cocoon. I empathize with newly bereaved in a way I never got before. I sit, I'm patient, I listen.

I feel room in my heart for a new life partner while maintaining my connection with my deceased husband. How did I get here? I met a guy, a widower, he gets it! He gets me. I get him. It's new, I'm hopeful. I miss my deceased husband daily and I'm "in like" with a new man. I have room in my heart yet it feels awkward -- and hopeful.


Marty, do you have resources on new love after bereavement? Your articles are always on target. Thanks, truly.


My response: Blessings to you, dear one, for your willingness to grow through your grief and (as you say) feel room in your heart for a new life partner while maintaining your connection with your deceased husband. Breaking out of that cocoon is not an easy task, but I commend you for your courage and your willingness to try. As you have discovered, we humans have an infinite capacity to love, and if we so choose and if we are ready, our hearts most certainly are big enough to expand and make room to hold another. I wish you and your new partner every happiness ~ and here is a list of resources I've gathered for you, which I hope you will find useful and informative:

But she is not like my wife

Widowed: The Ups and Downs of Dating Again

9 Things You Didn't Know About Dating for Seniors

Widower Dating Page -- National Widowers' Organization

How Will You Know When You're Ready to Start Dating?

Ideas for You If You Decide You ARE Ready to Start Dating

The Perfect Catch

After Losing The Love of My Life, I'm Now Dating For The First Time in Decades

The Dance: Realities of Dating After Death

The Matchmaker Delusion

Forget-Me-Never: The Reality of Remarriage After Widowhood

Love After Death: The Widow’s Romantic Predicaments

Ring Out The Old? Not So Easy When Memory Serves

The Reality of Remarriage Part Two: Answering Readers’ Observations

The Most Important Quality Of An Intimate Partner

Finding Love After Loss: 7 Steps for Moving Forward 


How to Date After The Death of A Spouse

Dating When You’re Widowed

Widowed? 5 Key Dating Rules

Dating A Widower?


Online Dating for Widows: 10 Tips To Avoid Being Scammed

Book, Loving Again: After a Spouse Has Died by Janice Sargent Wiemeyer, PhD

Book, Past Perfect, Present Tense: Insights From One Woman’s Journey As The Wife Of A Widower by Julie Donner Andersen

Finding Love After Loss, Ellen Gerst’s blog for “guiding you on the path to finding love … after the loss of a partner due to death, divorce or break-up.”

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, BC-TMH

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