Monday, July 2, 2018

In Grief: Grateful for Grief Healing Discussion Groups

If the only prayer you say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.  ~ Meister Eckhart

A reader writes: I joined your online Grief Healing Discussion Groups soon after my mother died, and at the time, I got some responses from folks that really helped me. I barely posted myself because there was so much said that I felt I could rarely come up with consolations that may have made an impact.

Today, 18 months later, I can honestly say that I feel good.
I have a lot going on in my life, a loving wife, 2 children and one on the way. I still cry over losing my mother, and oddly, when I'm at my best I miss her the most. I guess I must have loved to brag to her about my accomplishments and now I don't get that chance to make an impulse call, etc.

Anyway, I hope you feel good about yourself every day because you are making an impact with your words and kind thoughts and I think that is very powerful.

My response: Thank you so very much for your kind words, and I am so pleased to learn that you found our Grief Healing Discussion Groups to be of help to you, as you've traveled your own grief journey since your beloved mother died.

If you click on your own name next to your latest posting, you will be taken to your Member Profile page, and at the top of that page, under your name, you'll see a link labeled "See their activity.” If you click on that link, you will see a listing of all your posts, which you can go back and read if you choose to do so. I just did that, and I want to respectfully disagree with your notion that your comments "rarely make an impact." You see, my friend, we never know when something we share in a "group" such as this can have an important impact ~ even a profound one ~ on someone else. That is precisely why our forums are such a powerful source of help to those who are grieving.

When I went back and read all your posts, I noticed several things. One was how kind and understanding a person you are, such that, even in the midst of your own pain, you were willing to "put yourself out there" to give someone else some encouragement ~ even if it was simply to say, "Hey, you're not alone in how you feel. I feel the same way, too." Another observation: notice how, as you read your posts over time, the growth in you is apparent, which clearly demonstrates the forward movement you made as you worked your way through those weeks and months following your mother's death. That conveys to other readers a powerful message of hope and healing: if you take steps to manage your reactions, you can move through your grief in a way that produces positive change and growth.

You also say “I still cry over her, and oddly, when I'm at my best I miss her the most. I guess I must have loved to brag to her about my accomplishments and now I don't get that chance to make an impulse call,etc.”

As a bereaved child myself, I can assure you that this is one of the things I miss about my own parents the most ~ their role as "cheerleaders" in my life. I have a husband and two adult sons whom I love dearly, but none of them boasts about me or recognizes and appreciates my accomplishments the way my father and my mother used to do. And sometimes I didn't even have to DO anything and my parents could still make me feel as if I was the most special kid in the world, because of course to them, I was. And so I relate completely to your statement that, ironically, it is when you're at your best that you miss your mom the most. Me, too :0)

In any event, from my heart to yours, I want to thank you for taking the time to write to me, I thank you for sharing your insight and wisdom in our Grief Healing Discussion Groups, and I wish you and your family all the very best.

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.
© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, BC-TMH

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