Grief and The Burden of Guilt

When your loved one’s terminal illness was finally diagnosed, as a caregiver you may feel guilty that you hadn’t noticed symptoms sooner, waited too long to seek treatment or didn’t do enough to comfort your beloved. If death came suddenly or unexpectedly, you may feel guilty for not being present when it happened. If it came after a long, lingering illness, you may feel guilty for feeling relieved that your loved one’s suffering is over and you’re now free from the burden of worry and care. You may feel guilty that you are the one who survived, or uncomfortable that you received an insurance settlement or inheritance following the death of your loved one. If you’re a religious person, you may feel guilty that you feel so angry at God.  Read on here >>>

Caregiving and Hospice, December 23 - December 29, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Former CEO, now a hospice volunteer, learns the value of living in the present, http://j.mp/TuwaAd from @DailyProgress via @SolariHospice

Helpful resource: Hospice terms defined, http://j.mp/YRArT8 via @SolariHospice

10 Practical Tasks for Those Facing Terminal Illness, http://bit.ly/Vh55PE via @NationalHME

A Caregiver’s Christmas Wish List, http://j.mp/TKWeuc by @AARP via @SrCareCorner

NHPCO's Don Schumacher talks about hospice and advance directives on RadioMD, http://j.mp/UyOk5T

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 23 - December 29, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Considering grief counseling? Use this check-list to see if it might be right for you, http://bit.ly/Vb2je9 by @suncoasthospice

Helpful New Year's Resolutions for Mourners, http://wp.me/p1l0Zh-cf  by @griefminister01

New grief website to explore: What's Your Grief, http://j.mp/W4rS0A

Why, God? http://j.mp/12F0LzZ

Holiday Break: A Lesson from the Animals, http://j.mp/VcJeZB

Holiday Break: A Lesson from the Animals

Beringer Tousley demonstrates lolling, ca. 2010

A wonderful mid-holiday-season message for all of us:

. . . You are a good person doing the best you can. So, remember that new book under the Christmas tree? Pick it up and start reading. Those music CDs in your stocking? Borrow your daughter’s portable player, close your eyes and listen for a while. Unwrap those bath salts and scented soaps, and claim the tub for a quiet soak.

Humans are the only creatures who are too hard on themselves. Dogs loll. Birds roost. When cats get tired, they sleep; when they’re hungry, they eat.  Mostly, they lie in the sun and yawn. There’s a lesson there.

Next week, we enter the New Year. Life will just keep getting faster and faster as our lives become shorter and shorter. In this brief intermission, as the world waits for the next act, take time to stand still, lie down, nap. You’ve earned it.

— Tad Bartimus, in The Arizona Republic, December 29, 1999

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Related:

• A Time to Push, A Time to Pause by Elaine Mansfield

© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, DCC

A Christmas Message from My Heart to Yours

The tragic events in Newtown CT earlier this month 

have affected all of us, and certainly those of us

already burdened with grief. 

I know that few of us are in the mood 

to celebrate the holidays.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 16 - December 22, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Lovely! Celebrating the Gifts of the Season http://t.co/KzqxWLxz « Leeza Gibbons Memory Foundation

When “Knowing” Changes Everything: The value of “mapping” end-of-life pathways, http://j.mp/WxiGEl

Touching! "Doctor makes house calls, brings understanding ways," http://ow.ly/giCwc via @KPNapaSolano

Beautiful! Hospice nurse uses hand portraiture to support families: Loving Hands, http://ow.ly/ghOko « ADVANCE for Nurses

Check out these helpful and informative podcasts on hospice, http://ow.ly/gih52  from @hfahospice and @irabyock

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 16 - December 22, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Help for "complicated" grief, http://ow.ly/gjeeI via @CompEap

Say his name: the #1 tip, and my reality, http://j.mp/100SEhb « Fresh Widow

Great video on Talking to Kids about Death, http://j.mp/THZm6A « The Family Plot Blog

Coping with loss: Hospice suggests steps to help with grieving process, http://j.mp/Tffrkc

From Alan Wolfelt: How to Talk to Kids in Your Life About the Newtown, CT Tragedy, http://j.mp/UaDVx3

Coping with Pet Loss, December 16 - December 22, 2012

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Is your pet also grieving? http://j.mp/V9FE5s « LOST MY PARTNER Blog

Voices: The Tragedy in Newtown, CT

Harry Proudfoot lost his wife Jane to neuroendocrine tumor cancer (NET) in December, 2010. In the wake of that devastating loss, he decided the most effective way he could move through his grief was to go after with a vengeance the disease that killed his beloved. The result is his foundation, Walking with Jane, which you can read about here. Upon learning of the tragic shooting that took place in Newtown, CT on December 14, 2012, he wrote the following piece, reprinted here with his permission.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 9 - December 15, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Good question: My loved one has dementia, but when is it time for hospice? http://ow.ly/eVgIv

A hospice and palliative care physician counsels a patient on voluntarily stopping eating and drinking, http://ow.ly/1QaM2u via @hospicepharmacy and @abbrody

The time to speak-up with concerns for caregiving in a nursing home is NOW, http://bit.ly/SYDODN via @AARPKY

Doing It All Yourself: When Siblings Don't Pull Their Weight, http://j.mp/Urk35b

Holiday Gift Ideas for Caregivers and Seniors, http://j.mp/QYm5g7 « Soundscape Music Therapy