The Second Year of Grief: Why It Can Hurt Even More

Sometimes the first anniversary of his death is one of peace when we realize that we managed to survive the worst year of our life, but then we wake up to the second year and find a whole other set of challenges to meet.   — Pat Bertram

 A reader writes: How does one deal with the overwhelming grief at 14 months and 9 days? For me it is harder and more painful now. Am I crazy, Marty? I have not dreamed of my beloved since he went to Heaven, except for a nightmare the night he died, that they lost him in the tunnels in the hospital. I can't feel him. No one will say his name, and I am trying desperately to understand all of this. Does it mean that since I cannot dream or feel him, I did something wrong? I feel that way.

My doctor/therapist told me that the second year may be harder, and she was so right. Am I the only person who feels this way?

Grief In The Second Year: "Harder And More Painful Now"

A reader writes: How does one deal with the overwhelming grief at 14 months and 9 days? For me it is harder and more painful now. Am I crazy Marty? I have not dreamed of my beloved since he went to Heaven, except a nightmare the night he died, that they lost him in the tunnels in the hospital. I can't feel him, no one will say his name and I am trying desperately to understand this all. Does it mean that since I cannot dream or feel him that I did something wrong? I feel that way. My doctor/therapist told me that the second year may be harder and she was so right, am I the only person that feels this way?  Read on here >>>

Guilt And Regret Following The Death of a Friend

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[Reviewed and updated November 27, 2025]

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.  ~ Maria Robinson

A reader writes: Do you have any articles or can you suggest a book that will be helpful to me? I lost a long time friend. We had some unresolved conflict caused by me. I was unable to be with her during the past 2 years as she fought cancer. She shut me out. I deserved it. I am grieving the loss, the lack of closure, and guilt. It is hell. Can you point me to some help? Please?

My response: I’m so sorry to learn of the death of your friend, and of course there is nothing I can say to erase the load of guilt that you are carrying around with you in the wake of your loss. In the end, the only one who can forgive you is you, as I'm sure you already know.

I certainly can tell you that guilt is one of the most common reactions in loss – guilt for what you may have done or failed to say or do.