Is Pet Loss Comparable to Loss of a Loved One?

Find an updated version of this post here:

In Grief: Comparing Pet Loss to Loss of A Person

A while ago I received the following e-mail message from a visitor to my Grief Healing website:

I'm sure you are a lovely person. You’re a hospice volunteer who’s gone through grief yourself and I am sorry for your losses. But I am grieving, too. I lost both of my parents 3 years ago and they died just 9 days apart. They were sick and elderly (89 and 85) and had been in the hospital for about a month when they passed away. I can tell you that it was horrible; more horrible than you can ever imagine. I watched them suffer and then lost them both. Since then, I've also lost two aunts and my favorite uncle. With my aunt's death in August, I really had a setback in the grieving process and I finally decided that I better get some professional help from a psychiatrist. I did and he put me on antidepressants.  Now, on to the reason I’m writing. And I don't mean to attack you, I really don't mean it like that. I just want you to know that I don't think that your grief sites should include grief over lost pets. 

Caregiving and Hospice, September 19 - September 25

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• HFA's Hospice and Caregiving Blog highlights Pain Awareness Month, http://bit.ly/cdcQre

• Medical social worker offers tips on taking control of your grief experience, http://bit.ly/bgNaYF via @SanDiegoHospice

• A compelling discussion about caregiving with @ElderCareRN, http://bit.ly/9kG2w2 via @caregiving

• How to ask your boss to work flextime, http://ow.ly/2JoaT - Great post for caregivers, via @AgeWiseLiving @CNNMoney

• Ruff treatment: Therapy Dogs Help Hospice Patients, http://bit.ly/cXnqMV via @hospicepharmacy

• Marginal treatments come at a high emotional cost from families, http://bit.ly/cxVY80 via KevinMD.com

• Aging: The Eyes Are the First to Go! by Barbara Friesner, http://bit.ly/ad0xo8

• One Failing of POLST is the notion that "Full Treatment" is Needed for All Patients, http://bit.ly/9jUZtM via GeriPal

• Widow's Voice: A must-read before visiting or calling a grieving family, http://bit.ly/cQkMLy via @soaringspirits @thegrieflady

• Healing power, benefits of having an animal companion http://tinyurl.com/ydhnj6q via @peternity

• New book by geriatrics specialist: Treat Me, Not My Age, http://nyti.ms/97A3RJ via @ElderCareRN @Caregiving

• Healthcare providers need more training to "Achieve a Good Death for All," http://bit.ly/apODyW

• On Humanizing Medicine: Nothing imparts humility better than real life, http://bit.ly/d9AGyl

• Treating cancer needs to be an individual patient decision, http://ow.ly/2HlLC via @kevinmd

• Can you enrich your life by remembering your death? http://bit.ly/dggktl via @OneLifeTherapy

• Eldercare and Family Conferences, http://ow.ly/2Hqd2 via @AgeWiseLiving @Carebuzz

• Helping family members with denial, http://bit.ly/dnB0tQ from @AgeWiseLiving via @SanDiegoHospice

• "World Progress Report" with Joan Lunden highlights Hospice Care, http://ow.ly/2GBab via @hospicedave

Understanding and Managing Grief, Sept. 19 - Sept. 25

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Unique Nature of Sibling Loss – A Personal Perspective http://bit.ly/9OtN7Y via @Joannefunch

• Is social media changing the way we grieve? http://huff.to/bhM9IK via @OneLifeTherapy

• Widow's powerful story: Live like tomorrow is your last day by @hylamolander http://bit.ly/9KGCsy @scribd

• On healing grief and loss with gardening http://bit.ly/aJ2xOt via @Tabitha_Jayne

• Teleconversation on Monday, September 27 with author @lovinggrief, How Can We Grow through Grief? http://bit.ly/c2bRby

• New book by hospice nurse shares stories of life after death http://bit.ly/9uRFD0 via @hospicepharmacy

• Online suicide grief support, http://bit.ly/avzNrS via @aftersuicide

• Griefabet book officially launched! See press release here, http://bit.ly/96sw9A via @EveryDayGrief

• After Spouse Loss: No Thank You: New Rules About Thank You Notes After the Death of a Loved One, by Widow Chick, http://bit.ly/bjiasW

• Thought to ponder: What Good Has Come From Your Pain? http://bit.ly/cHbsKx

• How to Choose a Therapist, by M J Hurley Brant http://bit.ly/cXdFqQ

• Lessons learned from my sister's death 10 years on, http://bit.ly/aeds6z by @DoyleDiana

• Palliative physician shares tears with grieving mom, http://bit.ly/bBYBZ9

• Finding Meaning: Hamilton fatal crash victim's mom wants to get road safety message out, http://ow.ly/194nmM via @GriefHelp

• Grieving mother wonders "Who You'd Be Today," wp.me/pGeGX-FL #grief via @oh2bnMT

• Guided Imagery Helps in Grieving Process, http://bit.ly/aaajjR via @HealthJourneys

Coping with Pet Loss, September 19 - September 25

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• So touching! Grief at death of the family cat, http://usat.ly/9ACR9u via @FamilyTipsToday

• Losing a special pet causes grief, questions, by Sue Manning http://bit.ly/96gAQj

• Planting a Tree in Memoriam, continued: Why not honor the new bond, too? http://bit.ly/a65Y8P via @WorldbytheTail

• Congratulations! @SidKorpi "Good Grief: Finding Peace after Pet Loss" Named Best Book of the Year 2010 in Self-Help category by Premier Book Awards! http://bit.ly/b7oVYM

Caregiving and Hospice, September 12 - September 18

From Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• The white lies of caregiving, by M. Ruehling http://bit.ly/biO9KN via @hospicepharmacy

• Quality-of-life care must start right away, by D. Ofri, MD | CNN.com http://bit.ly/aZsJ1u

• Is Your Approach to Eldercare Like Deferred Maintenance? http://ow.ly/2FN9B via @ElderCareRN @AgeWiseLiving

• Where people die matters. Hint: Not the ICU, http://lat.ms/99KAB9 via @hospicepharmacy 

• Hospice care offers return to the art of dying, http://bit.ly/bFBEHg via @hospicepharmacy

• Enjoy this video that dispels some of the myths about hospice care, http://bit.ly/bwLoeB via @SanDiegoHospice 

• Ending Life With a Sense of Dignity and Peace, http://bit.ly/cOF2lf

• The Dangers of Eating Alone, by @ElderCareRN

• Avoiding the Call to Hospice, by Paula Span, http://nyti.ms/aDRI8t

• Why it’s so difficult to die in an American hospital, http://ow.ly/2Df2L via @kevinmd

• Does it matter where cancer patients die? Study says yes - USATODAY.com, http://usat.ly/ckrKli

• Inspiring Blogs for the Sandwich Generation, list by@mominthebalance, http://bit.ly/aTYDu8

• Dying at home often easier on cancer patients and caregivers, study finds, http://bit.ly/dh9r7E

• What Is Hospice? http://ow.ly/2DpEj by @AgeWiseLiving

• WWII veteran benefits from canine companionship, http://ht.ly/2DiSZ @PetsforPatriots

• Relative with terminal illness? Restore control and sanity. Sooner or Later by D. Iocovozzi http://amzn.to/bUdXVH

Understanding and Managing Grief, Sept. 12 - Sept. 18

From Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• What We Wish You Knew About Pregnancy Loss, http://is.gd/faIB7 via @douladame14 @amethystnetwork

• Grief and Renewal: One Mother's Story, http://huff.to/9BKBXe via @hospicepharmacy 

• Do you volunteer? Would you like to? Opportunities abound, http://bit.ly/bkYazJ via @RecordEagle

• Powerful story: Father helps teens in wake of daughter's fatal auto accident, http://ow.ly/192VnF via @GriefHelp 

• Child Loss: The Day I Contemplated Suicide | Open to Hope Foundation, http://bit.ly/cft8ZD

• How do you heal if multiple deaths occur over short time period? http://ow.ly/2Fyuf via @ShareWIK

• One good book deserves another. What books on grief do you recommend? http://ow.ly/2FpMC via @StoryForHealing

• Excellent article on rituals of grief, http://bit.ly/cRdqMm via @lovinggrief

• Ruminations on 'The Big C,' by Angela Morrow RN, http://bit.ly/aTuLEp

• Explaining Grandmother’s Death to a Toddler, by Marty Tousley | Open to Hope Foundation, http://bit.ly/czpjO7

• Widowed mom: Four truths I've learned about what happens when we grieve, http://bit.ly/acf0yY 

• Saying Yizkor With Painful Memories Of Deceased, by Rabbi D. Greenspoon, http://bit.ly/9KwASD

• Finding a New Normal, by Jan LaPitz, http://bit.ly/a4ky8x via @Joannefunch

• What Father Mychal Judge teaches me about a life of love, http://bit.ly/9UoqnN by @KSBuckley 

• The way we grieve now, by Piper Weiss, http://yhoo.it/cRwYIg 

• Spouse Loss: Dan, on the first anniversary of his Michael's death http://bit.ly/a9OTFs via @soaringspirits

Coping with Pet Loss, September 12 - September 18

From Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• One family's story about healing power of pets, http://ht.ly/2Eyh9  via @PetsforPatriots

• What animals teach us, by Sid Korpi | Danatopia, http://bit.ly/9LQfe9

• Lovely article on memorializing: Planting a Tree In Memoriam, http://bit.ly/9pK34C by @WorldbytheTail

Hospice and Palliative Care Choices

At the end of life, there are still choices to be made and medical issues to address. Do you or your loved one want to be resuscitated? Do you want a feeding tube? Do you want pain relief? What happens if you haven't shared these concerns with a family member, or put your wishes in writing somewhere? What if you are the family member responsible for the person's care, and you don't know what the dying person wants in terms of quality of life, or how long your loved one will live? In this informative program (presented earlier this month and reproduced here with the producer's permission), Politics of Culture host Sarah Spitz discusses hospice and palliative care with two experts in the field: Adam von Passow, hospice social worker and author of the free e-book, Cocoon, Caterpillar, Butterfly, and Susan Block, MD, Co-Director, Harvard Medical School Center for Palliative Care. 



Banner image: Nurse Rachel Haenel embraces terminally ill 83-year-old Jackie Beattie, at the Hospice of Saint John on November 5, 2009 in Lakewood, Colorado. Photo: John Moore/Getty Images

Caregiving and Hospice, September 5 - September 11

From Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Welcome to @PalMedConnect! Valuable resource for palliative care physicians, nurse practitioners, pharmacists, http://bit.ly/aDiXpz 

• True source of healing, wellness: Person-centered caregiving, http://bit.ly/bHQfGh by @MindflCaregivng 

• What Exactly Is Hospice? House Call Doctor, http://bit.ly/9dYW7p via @hospicepharmacy @hospicedave

• The High Cost of Dying, by Jason Alderman, http://huff.to/8YlTFL

• Talking with a Parent Who Is Dying | momlogic.com, http://bit.ly/cB1EbI

• September 10 is World Suicide Prevention Day. Help prevent suicide, http://bit.ly/9XVwHd #take5 via @afspnational

• What you can do when a friend is seriously ill, http://bit.ly/9YZB5L via @myOH_AgingWell

• Panel for Hospice Foundation of America's 2011 Hospice and Caregiving Educational Program Announced, http://bit.ly/9u2jfx 

• A therapy dog's perspective on his important role in caregiving, http://bit.ly/baigxF via @caregiving @Seniors4Living

• Free Practical Steps From Heartache to Healing by @Joannefunch,  http://bit.ly/cgOvYo

• Uniting best friends, one hero at a time, starring WWII vet http://ht.ly/2AHm3 via @PetsforPatriots 

• Quality of life care must begin right away, by Danielle Ofri, http://bit.ly/aYC86l via @NHPCO_news

• Coordinating Help for a Neighbor in Need, http://nyti.ms/btZIPt via @TabSafe

• Executive Director Susan Levine describes hospice and palliative care at Hospice of the Valley, http://bit.ly/dlZplL 

• Tips for traveling with a disabled love one, http://bit.ly/crZzRF via @SanDiegoHospice @HospiceCareCntr 

• Talking to Doctors About a Terminal Diagnosis, http://huff.to/cs2YKJ 

• Miraculous! Terminal cancer patient reunited with long lost daughter, a hospice nurse, http://bit.ly/apdvWx 

• Heartwarming story: injured player leads Michigan football team onto field, http://bit.ly/aOp158

Understanding and Managing Grief, Sept 4 - Sept 11

From Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Women's Memoirs list of online memoir-writing classes, http://bit.ly/dgPKvB via @patmcnees

• "From tragedy come inspiration & love" Wonderful 9/11 story; must read http://bit.ly/aaguu1 via @Joannefunch

• Remembering the heroes of 9/11, http://bit.ly/dxKaBx via @americanwp

• Beautiful inspiring piece by a grieving dad, 9/11-A Day of Change, http://bit.ly/aCS8Fb via @GrievingDads 

• Magical thinking is normal in grief: Patrick Swayze's Wife Still Texts Dead Actor, http://ow.ly/18WPFV via @CressFuneral @GriefHelp 

• How much truth can children handle? http://cot.ag/c2K65B via @ewagele

• Four truths I've learned about grief, http://bit.ly/cavGs3 (Great article from Tyra Damm, via @KSBuckley) 

• Grief After Suicide: A Personal and Professional Perspective, http://bit.ly/c1uF33 by @BethSPatterson

• To lose a spouse is to lose a keeper of memories | Open to Hope Foundation, http://bit.ly/9xCGFH 

• If you know a man grieving the loss of a child, please share this beautiful site, http://bit.ly/aW2JAF via @Joannefunch

• "Be Patient" - Truisms About Grief, http://wp.me/pVxlX-2J via @GrievingDads

• The Magic of the Worry Dolls: Finding ways not to sweat the small stuff, http://bit.ly/aeds6z (Helping a grieving child, by @DoyleDiana )

• Lovely post about grief, In Life’s Dark Moments, Candy Brought Solace, http://nyti.ms/dv106U via @realdelia

• Mystical Experiences in Grief, http://bit.ly/d4XEic via @Why_We_Do_That 

• About the MISS conference, by Kara Jones, http://bit.ly/bnb74n via @MISS_Foundation

• Powerful - Now We Are Alone: Living On Without Our Sons | NPR http://n.pr/cvdMfs

• A Memory Game for Grieving Children | Open to Hope Foundation http://bit.ly/aT8UBq

• What to do with your wedding ring? See Widow's Voice: Ours to Mine http://bit.ly/b78AuE via @thegrieflady

• Awesome blog from Rachel, widow who attended American Widow Project's get-away last weekend http://bit.ly/aAJlTO via @americanwp

• Explore this widowed author's great new Web site: http://bit.ly/9Hp5QX via @HylaMolander 

Coping with Pet Loss, September 5 - September 11

From Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• It's OK to grieve over pet's death, by Rene Knapp | Norwich Bulletin http://bit.ly/bKdmwG

Light a Candle to Remember

On this special day, consider lighting a candle to remember the heroes of September 11, 2001: those who died that day and all the survivors and first responders who are seriously ill from its after-effects.  In solidarity with thousands of others, you can light a candle in your home or on your porch today between the hours of 12:00 a.m. and 11:30 p.m., or you can light a virtual candle in cyberspace. 

Buckle Up and Embrace Life

Entitled Embrace Life, this video is an original approach to road safety advertising from the UK's Sussex Safer Roads Partnership, whose mission is to reduce road casualties "with the three E's - Education, Engineering and Enforcement."

It is one of the most effective safety advertisements I've ever seen, and I wish it could be viewed by everyone who enters an automobile, before anyone ever starts the engine. 



© 2010 Sarah Alexander/Daniel Cox/Sussex Safer Roads Partnership.  Presented here with written permission of Sarah Alexander, Alexander Commercials. 

Caregiving and Hospice, August 29 - September 4

From Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Good question! Are you a giver? When Helping Begins to Hurt, http://ow.ly/2ztTr via @BoomerLivingNow 

• Talking about Death ~ Some Conversation Starters, http://ow.ly/2zCWE via @GroundSwellAus

• Hospice doctors & nurses still practice medicine, only differently http://bit.ly/9ixBOQ

• Studies keep confirming great things about hospice. Findings may surprise you! http://bit.ly/dA8kof via @AliveHospice

• Hospice supported us through darkest hour, http://bit.ly/bbNN0d via @hospice_news

• End of Life Care: Hospice and Palliative Choices, powerful program from KCRW radio, http://bit.ly/dwByuU via @NHPCO_news 

• Mom... Dad's Gone: true story from The CareGiver Partnership, http://ow.ly/2xOQ9 via @CaregiverTweets 

• Palliative care does not mean "death panel," http://bit.ly/bmIefL via @hospice_news 

• 25 Reasons Why a Pet Helps You Stay Young at Heart, http://bit.ly/54DW49 via @CareLab @Seniors4Living @daccarte

• Powerful piece from CNN on palliative care: Dying Patient Not a Battlefield, http://bit.ly/9lro74 via @CareLab @norskedoc

• Gerotranscendence: Aging's Misunderstood Virtues (New Old Age blog), http://nyti.ms/9stBze via @caregiving @milagro88

• Re-thinking Advance Care Planning: call for a paradigm shift, http://bit.ly/aq0rVw via GeriPal

• The Hospice Path, Part One: “You are not alone,” http://bit.ly/aTMwpO via @hospice_news 

• Avoiding Sibling Rivalry When Caring For a Parent, http://ow.ly/2w6sA via @CaregiverTweets

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 29 - September 4

From Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Loss of Mother poem and article generating many comments: http://bit.ly/a0rrvM

• Perinatal Loss: Help parents acknowledge grief, express emotions | Open to Hope Foundation, http://bit.ly/aZ0NZg

• Wide variety of helpful grief articles on Storybooks For Healing, http://ow.ly/2zbCx 

• Treating Grief: The Dangers of Diagnosis by Joseph Nowinski, PhD, http://huff.to/98Sr7Y 

• When talking about grief, make sure you're on the same page, http://ow.ly/2yA8R via @StoryForHealing

• "What is the appropriate amount of time to grieve?" http://bit.ly/aeds6z by @DoyleDiana 

• Widow's Voice: Not What I Imagined, http://bit.ly/cBrJJc 

• I love this! Creative permission slips for the bereaved, http://bit.ly/bu1Kdp via @motherhenna 

• Healing Grief Includes Rest, http://bit.ly/9sdJOS via @Joannefunch

• 11 ways to comfort someone who’s grieving - Harvard Health Publications http://bit.ly/b17myM 

• Another kind of loss: seeing youngsters off to college, http://bit.ly/crNQCg

• Widows: coping with unsolicited advice in grief, by Catherine Tidd http://bit.ly/9EfIcO

• On Grief: Give up or go on « Glacier County Honey Co., http://bit.ly/czygds 

• What I love about the rituals of grief, by Rachel Held Evans, http://bit.ly/cOxFKM 

• How to Help a Friend Who’s Lost a Loved One, http://bit.ly/d09eWA via Giving Up on Perfect

• Grieving mom observes: Some words are too much for others, http://bit.ly/9Gb83U 

• "I Died That Day" - Dad grapples with death of teenage son, http://bit.ly/9J4B6tRT @GrievingDads

• Focus on Bereavement Camps for Children and Adolescents,  http://bit.ly/ahg4r8  via @hfahospice

Coping with Pet Loss, August 29 - September 4

From Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Five Tips for Preparing for the Death of a Pet, http://dld.bz/umeM via @petfinder

• Coping with a pet's chronic/terminal illness, euthanasia, grief? Online Pet Loss Course http://ht.ly/2y8gF by @griefhealing

• Do Pets Have Souls? by Rev. Delana Taylor McNac, http://bit.ly/a3taRF

• Has a rescued animal ever rescued you? http://bit.ly/cZGDZO

Pet Peace of Mind, Revisited

As indicated in an earlier post, Pet Peace of Mind is a groundbreaking program that enables hospice patients to keep their pets at home with them at a time when they need them the most: throughout their end-of-life journey.  Program creator Rev. Delana Taylor McNac invites you to take a look at the new Pet Peace of Mind video for 2010 and give her your feedback.   In this clip, she reminds everyone about the focus of her program and shares some ideas for expanding the program in the near future: