Voices of Experience: The Empty Chair

Grief always demands expression, and the wounds of loss heal more quickly and effectively when that expression finds a meaningful path. ~ Laurel Lagoni

Mary Friedel-Hunt lost her husband to Alzheimer's disease in 2010.  As his primary caregiver, she was able to keep her husband at home for more than four years, except for a long hospital stay shortly before he died. They were married almost 24 years. He died at home in her arms on March 27, 2010.  

Mary writes, "I miss him every day...we were best friends, co-workers . . . After helping hundreds of people [as a clinical social worker] for 40 years, I find this the most devastating loss I have ever experienced. I am changed forever by it. A part of me is gone forever. I am choosing to walk through the grieving...not around it."

Her beautiful poem is reprinted here with her permission:

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 21 - August 27, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Heartwarming and beautiful! Two women connected by grief, a gift, and healing, http://wp.me/pLVVn-b2 by @LodiSpirit

• Do dogs feel grief? http://yhoo.it/nUuP2G via @TopDogFDN

• Getting married without your parents there, http://bit.ly/p1CSO5 via @kristiewest  @BodyAwareGrief 

• Learn how to support grief in the workplace, http://tiny.cc/agt28 via @CaringInfo_news

• Read grief poetry contest winner "The Scream," http://bit.ly/liwplZ via @Joannefunch

Caregiving and Hospice, August 21 - August 27, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Massage and Hospice, patricksmithlmt.com/2011/08/26/10/… by @PatrickSmithLMT

• Be "wellthy" and live a long life, http://ow.ly/6d0Ed MT @HouHospice

• Free "Choosing a Quality Hospice" worksheet, http://tinyurl.com/3tfb487 from @NHPCO_news

• Hospice program covers pets, http://ow.ly/6dits via @VillageMemorial

• Wonderful story! The Dolphin Named Toy, http://owl.li/ by @ShahinaLakhani

Coping with Pet Loss, August 21 - August 27, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Saying Goodbye to Beringer, http://bit.ly/nQLbF8

• Chicagoans find comfort in support groups for petloss, http://trib.in/pB8K3

Saying Goodbye to Beringer

Dear Ones,
I'd like you all to know that this morning, August 22, 2011 we said our final farewell to our beloved Tibetan terrier, Beringer. He was born August 15, 1996, and came to us eight weeks later as the most precious and adorable puppy we'd ever seen. Over the years he wrapped his furry self around every aspect of our daily lives, and has been for both of us the source of the most exquisite form of love: complete, pure and unconditional. He has always been everything a dog should be: our most loyal and constant companion. He will be sorely missed.

My heart is too broken to say any more at the moment, so this will have to do:

Caregiving and Hospice, August 14 - 20, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Pets and Senior Citizens, http://ow.ly/676hp via @VillageMemorial

• Love this collaboration between Girl Scouts and hospice! http://ow.ly/66UHD via @CareAnyware

• Music therapy, a great alternative in hospice and caregiving, http://ow.ly/66JPM via @HouHospice

• Hospice patients record life stories for loved ones, bit.ly/o0O58Q via @hospice_news

• Families need to ask questions early about hospice care, http://t.co/ecLTlN7 by @USATODAY via @CaringPeopleInc

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 14 - 20, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Disenfranchised Grief: Hierarchies of 9/11 Grief, http://t.co/hYc5InC by @friendgrief

• Balance grief with remembering well: a life (radically) well lived, http://t.co/XSBWGq7 by @Allison_Peacock

• Authors of @newgrief on 5-stages of grief, http://t.co/9qmYIHE via @deborahkerr @HarvardHlthBks

• Children and Grief Interview, http://t.co/gyeyRj8 by @katiecouric http://t.co/gCp6Bhc via @heart2soul

• Tips to help children deal with grief, http://ow.ly/63OFr via @HouHospice

Coping with Pet Loss, August 14 - 20, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• "A New Beginning," bit.ly/phf4ix by @gldunnjr

• "A Man's Best Friend," http://t.co/faWYMV0 by @gldunnjr

What I've Learned from Grief

[Reviewed and updated September 17, 2020]

There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that is not learning from experience.  ~Laurence J. Peter

Over a single weekend, a remarkable series of posts appeared in one of the forums on our online Grief Healing Discussion Groups. Entitled What I’ve Learned, it began when one of our widowed members decided to share what she’s learned from grief—both positive and negative—and she invited others to follow suit.

The result is a remarkable list of helpful tips and insights, all containing the wisdom that only comes from the hard-won, gut-wrenching experience of having lost a loved one. We decided that such wisdom deserves to be shared with others who are grieving.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 7 - August 13, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Funny moments within tough situations can be magic, http://t.co/jtSMI2M via @BodyAwareGrief

• How has Harry Potter taught you to embrace life and death? http://t.co/j6trJWe via @SevenPonds

• How long does grief last? http://t.co/8iTuEn7 by @Esdeer

• Society must face up to reality of death and support grief and bereavement, http://t.co/QoOUfHO via  @ukequality

• Meditation as part of the grief process, bit.ly/o3zmsm via @lisamlilly

Caregiving and Hospice, August 7 - August 13, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Caregiving tips for you and your stroke patient, bit.ly/rchapQ by @neuroaid_stroke

• "Dignity Therapy" as part of end-of-life care. Interesting. What do you think? http://ht.ly/61Yvk via @DeathwDignity

• Get finances in order well before stress of terminal disease kicks in, http://t.co/uxs3sBo

• Help your parents be proactive in planning end-of-life care, http://ow.ly/5Z0se via @CaringWise

• ABC News story on government spending on hospice [Read the last 2 paragraphs!], http://t.co/RzC1F8U via @NHPCO_news

Coping with Pet Loss, August 7 - August 13, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• When a Pet Dies: Helping Your Child Cope, http://t.co/MdWDNGW

• Anticipatory grief: Losing a beloved old cat stirs memories, http://t.co/75JBVJk via @HFYJim

• Helping Children Cope with A Pet's Euthanasia, http://t.co/2fH5TdW

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 31 - August 6, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark, http://widowskey.com via @widowsguide

• "Crying and Being a Man,"  http://bit.ly/oHEQps via @GoodMenProject @patriciasinglet @rickbelden

• Shifting gears: from tending to grief to needing to go to work, http://t.co/cwTCxkV via @BodyAwareGrief

• Condolence notes and casseroles: How to help friends in mourning, http://slate.me/r9aD2D 

• "Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying," http://bit.ly/oqnpWe review of book by @allenklein via @RobertaGuise

Caregiving and Hospice, July 31 - August 6, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• State official tells seniors how to avoid scams, http://ow.ly/5WSij via @VillageMemorial

• Let It Be: Accepting Imperfection in Caregiving, http://ow.ly/5W3F1 via @VillageMemorial

• Are Americans abandoning their parents? http://t.co/uo94t8F via @ShelleyWebbRN @susanavello 

• When an aging parent moves back in: tips for a smooth transition, http://wapo.st/qpQR7U via @Hospicecny

• "Back to School" video on need for palliative care education, http://bit.ly/r253bf via @palliativbarn

Coping with Pet Loss, July 31 - August 6, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• For those coping with pet loss, http://bit.ly/p2riTM MT @JoannaAislinn

• Why Does Pet Loss Hurt So Much? http://bit.ly/oAKrEt via www.esdeer.com

• Hospice Care is Not Only for Humans, bit.ly/oZkLxG via @NJTrees via @hospice_news 

• Mark Tillinger: You Don't Get a Day Off When Your Dog Dies, http://huff.to/o4ck0l

• Do dogs grieve? http://yhoo.it/nUuP2G via @MNPhilanthropy @TopDogFDN

• "New England Pet Hospice" on Vimeo, http://bit.ly/nQ4sDn by @NEPetHospice

Deadline Extended: Nationwide Poll of Grieving Families

Originally intended to close the end of July, The National Alliance for Grieving Children has extended its groundbreaking Nationwide Poll of Grieving Families through September 30, 2011.  Bereaved families with children still living at home are invited to participate, including

• parents whose spouse or partner has died (married, unmarried, divorced and LGBT families are welcome)

• parents whose child has died 

• children (ages 3 to 19) whose parent has died 

• children (ages 3 to 19) who had a sibling who died

Each survey takes about 30 minutes to finish, but must be completed all in one session.  Participation in this nationwide survey is completely voluntary and strictly confidential.  Results will be compiled only in the aggregate; specific responses will never be linked to any individual or family.

For further details, see Nationwide Poll of Grieving Families