Voices of Experience: Advice on Coping With Loss

by Hannah Wessel

I found this advice on Reddit.  It was posted in response to a lady who asked for advice on coping with the loss of her best friend.  It seems an unlikely place to find inspiration and advice, but I think this reply is incredibly moving and it has helped me deal with my grief since I lost my mother.

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 17 - February 23, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The hierarchy of grief is real - and that's okay. Every grief is valid. http://j.mp/2GFhwHH « Refuge in Grief

Please Know: I Love Talking About My Child Who Died, http://j.mp/2GIaZMc  « Still Standing Magazine

“End Game” Nominated for an Academy Award, http://j.mp/2GBinJi « Seven Ponds Blog

Pet Loss: Cannot Stop Crying

[Reviewed and updated June 12, 2022]

Where he is really buried, and where he is, and where he always will be, is in my heart.  ~ Cleveland Amory, in The Best Cat Ever

A reader writes: I lost my kitty, Sunny today and my grief is overwhelming. I knew this was coming because she was diagnosed with a bad heart four months ago. She was only 5 years old. We (me and my daughter) did everything we could, lots of doctors, lots of meds and lots of tests. Each time she came home from the hospital, she had her quality of life back, if only for 2 to 3 weeks and then back to the doctor. This week she was at the hospital for 3 straight days with nothing helping and she became so ill and was so tired with the heart of hers. This morning it was determined that her kidneys and liver were affected and there was nothing they could do. And she was so tired. She passed away at 9:00 AM this morning and I cannot stop crying.

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 10 - February 16, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A Valentine Letter for YOU, http://j.mp/2GsVbwX « Second Firsts

Grief Support: Paying it Forward, http://j.mp/2IeRdd0 « Grief Compass

Over the Edge. Maybe, http://j.mp/2IdfvUO « Soaring Spirits International

In Grief: Mother Loss vs. Spouse Loss

[Reviewed and updated July 5, 2020]

Make friends with guilt. Guilt is a beautiful emotion that alerts us when something is wrong so that we may achieve peace with our conscience. Without conscience there would be no morality. So we can greet guilt cordially and with acceptance, just as we do all other emotions. After we respond to guilt, it has done its job and we can release it.  ~ Glenn R. Schiraldi

A reader writes: My mother was diagnosed with cancer and was given 6 weeks to live. She died six weeks later. Just one month after that, my husband was told there was something in his lung. By the time he was finally diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, it had spread to the lining of his lung and his bones. My husband was 57 and had just retired 3 months before we knew he was ill. Within eight months after diagnosis, he was dead. So I have had two great losses in a ten-month period. 

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 3 - February 9, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

How Does Opening Up Conversations About Death Help Bereaved Parents? http://j.mp/2IfSIYz « Seven Ponds Blog

Why It’s OK for Your Loved One to Stop Eating and Drinking on Hospice, http://j.mp/2DhyQya « Crossroads Hospice and Palliative Care

Grief Tracking: What A Difference A Dot Makes, http://j.mp/2Gd8uBj « Grieve Well

In Grief: Refusing to Let Go

A reader writes: I have been told several times by people to "let go" of my ex who has died. I hate that.

I was told by a counselor once to "let him go," and this counselor (a spiritual counselor) said I was holding his spirit back by hanging on to my grief. I began to feel guilty, and decided I wouldn't think about him or talk aloud to him any more, if I was holding him back from moving on into heaven. That very night I had a dream. He and I were riding in a car with my sisters, and he had his arm around me. He turned to me and said very clearly, "We belong together. Why do you listen to others tell you things you know are not true?"

So from that time on, I ignored anyone who told me to move on, or let go. I believe I AM moving on, however slowly and at my own pace, and I am taking my changed relationship with my former husband WITH me as I move on. I know his spirit watches over me, and that he will be there when it is my time to cross over. I know I can fall in love again, if that is what is in the cards for me, and that will not take away from my love for my first love. I have never said goodbye to him, and I never will -- at most, "see you later." Read on here: In Grief: When Healing Is Mistaken for Letting Go

Caregiving and Hospice, January 27 - February 2, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Help for an Alcoholic Struggling with Addiction for 25 Years, http://j.mp/2G4LaFT « Health Journeys

Is It Ever Too Soon To Enter Hospice Care? We Ask Heart of Hospice, http://bit.ly/2CUSIqQ « KPEL965

Why falls and fractures in the elderly can be a trigger for hospice care, http://j.mp/2D7Fasj « The Journal

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 27 - February 2, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Am I Depressed? http://j.mp/2G5DG5H « Talkspace

My Cat’s Death Broke My Brain, http://j.mp/2G4whDw « Modern Loss

50 Practical Gestures to Help a Grieving Friend, http://bit.ly/2qmUgCq « Hospice and Palliative Care of Greensboro