Coping with Overwhelming Loss

Find the latest version of this post here:

Coping with Overwhelming, Traumatic Loss

A reader writes: I have come to the conclusion this year for me is supposed to be a lifetime movie. To start the year off I had to admit my son to a psychiatric hospital. He was bullied in school and wanted to die. He was also still having trouble dealing with his biological mother's death. She died of leukemia.

I got him home and less than 2 weeks later my family awoke to find my 2-year-old daughter dead in her bed. She was happily playing the night before, but had died in her sleep from an undetected heart condition.

Every day is a struggle and I am in more pain than I can bear. My heart hurts.

I have 3 amazing boys who need me right now but I can’t manage to be the strong mother I need to be. I am barely making it through this. Some days I don't think I will make it. I know my children and my faith are what is keeping me alive. My boys need me and I know if I were to commit suicide I would never be able to see my beautiful daughter again. These thoughts are what keep me going.

Then this past week the 16-year-old young man who lived next door decided he could not live anymore and hung himself. My boys found him and I had to break the news to his parents and help cut him down. This young man was very close to my family. My boys looked up to him like a big brother. I even looked at him as family. I can't help but be angry with him though. We already had enough difficulties in our lives and now we have to deal with this. I also feel sorry for what could have been going through his mind.

I don't sleep, my kids keep having nightmares. I have developed claustrophobia. I can't stay in a room for too long without it feeling like it is closing in. I can't stop crying. My mind will not shut off. I do not know what to do for myself, my family, or in general.