The following is written by Alan D. Wolfelt, and with his permission I am pleased to reprint it here.
A new face has appeared in an old debate. The new face: Ruth Davis Konigsberg, author of the recently published book The Truth About Grief. The old debate: the art of caring for people in grief versus the supposed science of bereavement.
Konigsberg, a journalist who has written for popular magazines such as Glamour and ELLE, takes issue with the need for grief counseling. She informs readers of her new book that science is beginning to prove that most people are resilient enough to get through loss on their own. She questions the efficacy of grief counseling and suggests that it can actually be harmful. In the book, she refers to those of us who support people in grief as a “cottage industry” and, in referencing my body of contributions to death education and counseling, lays claim to my motivations. She conjectures that those of us who became caregivers to people in grief because we suffered prior losses in our own lives do not have the objectivity to embrace a more scientific approach to grief care.
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Monday, February 28, 2011
Understanding Grief: New Video from Hospice Foundation of America
Understanding Grief, a new 25-minute video from Hospice Foundation of America (HFA), offers a detailed look at a subject that will affect all of us at some point in our lives. Frank Sesno, a former CNN Correspondent and current host of HFA's Living with Grief® educational series, pulls together the expertise of Ken Doka, PhD, a recognized expert in the field of grief and loss, and the experiences and observations of Maria Shriver, former First Lady of California and member of the Kennedy family whose many experiences with grief were anything but private, into an interesting and informative presentation, with easy-to-digest explanations and useful tips for people who are grieving and those who want to help them. The program is subtitled for the hearing impaired, and is available at the Hospice Information Center or watch below. It was produced with funding from a grant by the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Caregiving and Hospice, February 20 - February 26
Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:
- Palliative care prolongs life, reduces suffering - USATODAY com, http://usat.ly/fnIf5C
- Awe-inspiring things can happen in hospice! http://ht.ly/41MIJ Beautiful post from @HospiceCLT via @AliveHospice
- Kevin Pho, MD: Be vigilant in checking sources of health information on the Web!! http://aol.it/i8VNc1
- Oncologists' organization encourages dialogue with dying patients, http://bit.ly/fa34vB
- Truly beautiful letter by Hospice Chaplain: What hospice is all about, http://bit.ly/grA9CO via @hospicepharmacy
Understanding and Managing Grief, February 20 - February 26
Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:
- Is This Good News About Grief? http://tinyurl.com/4fdux24 From my.counseling.org via @KSBuckley
- Updated today: Grief Bibliography http://bit.ly/9J8Wa4
- Two Different Worlds: Grief and Depression | World of Psychology http://bit.ly/fkVkvI
- Ten Reasons to Volunteer: Complete How-to, http://ow.ly/41M1t by @LaMuscarella
- Does Death of a Child Really Destroy a Marriage? http://bit.ly/dWHD1D @houstonfunerals
Coping with Pet Loss, February 20 - February 26
Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:
- Beautiful post about decision-making at pet's end of life, http://bit.ly/f5slHD via @PetEndofLife
- Pet hospice helps families say goodbye, cope with death of their companions, http://bit.ly/dFKnnG via @soulpup
- Woman skillfully responds to grief after pet loss. Great example of healing, http://tinyurl.com/4n5qyub via @BodyAwareGrief
- Unconditional Love of Dog and God « HealFromPetLoss's Blog, http://bit.ly/gSkHro
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Coping with Pet Loss, February 13 - February 19
Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:
- Outstanding! How animals can help us teach children about illness and loss, http://bit.ly/ijGnUU by @NEPetHospice
- Toto alerts for missing pets, via Veterinary Wisdom® CafĂ©, http://bit.ly/hYmcZl
- Spending more time - say, forever - with your pet, http://bit.ly/gx0V0p via @PawsWhiskersWag
Understanding and Managing Grief, February 13 - February 19
Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:
- Great read! Grieving at a Young Age http://bit.ly/haZn1C by @LaMuscarella via @Joannefunch
- Wonderful! Doug Koktavy receives an ADC message from mom @BeezerandBoomer http://bit.ly/dJPxsY
- Unique Nature of Sibling Loss, http://bit.ly/idialJ by @Tabitha_Jayne
- Taking action honors loved ones and helps in grief, http://bit.ly/hlEUr1 via @pkassner
- Ways to preserve the memory of the people we've lost, http://ow.ly/3YZVZ by @LaMuscarella
Caregiving and Hospice, February 13 - February 19
Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:
- Elder Law Estate Planning, http://bit.ly/faLC9U RT @GeriCareFinder
- Concise summary: financial juggling act of the multigenerational caregiving family, http://bit.ly/i8dGIv via @elderpages
- Evaluating the Caregiving State of Affairs, http://bit.ly/gA23Wg by @Seniors4Living via @caregiving
- To reduce caregiving stress, try laughing out loud, via Leeza's Place Caregiver Support Blog, http://bit.ly/gYY5Qg
- Selecting Meaningful Art for Hospice, http://bit.ly/g0iiIb Excellent 10-minute listen via @pkassner
Monday, February 14, 2011
Daddy's Girl Saves Family Lessons -- and Mushy Valentines
Note: This article was written by Alicia King (the Grief Lady) and is reprinted here with her permission.
I admit it. I was always a daddy's girl. Don't get me wrong. I was very close to my mom, too. I was lucky. I had two loving, involved parents. Still, my dad and I were tight. When my parents split, I couldn't bear to see him alone, so I left our cushy family home and slept on the lumpy couch of his rental house. I sought his approval and was always thrilled to see him in the audience of a school play or the sidelines of a little league game.
My dad always bought sentimental Valentine's Day cards for my mom, sister and me. The serious, mushy kind. I remember one year his girlfriend bought funny cards for them both to sign. I eventually worked up the nerve to tell him I missed the old ones. He smiled and said he liked those better too, and went back to them after that.
I admit it. I was always a daddy's girl. Don't get me wrong. I was very close to my mom, too. I was lucky. I had two loving, involved parents. Still, my dad and I were tight. When my parents split, I couldn't bear to see him alone, so I left our cushy family home and slept on the lumpy couch of his rental house. I sought his approval and was always thrilled to see him in the audience of a school play or the sidelines of a little league game.
My dad always bought sentimental Valentine's Day cards for my mom, sister and me. The serious, mushy kind. I remember one year his girlfriend bought funny cards for them both to sign. I eventually worked up the nerve to tell him I missed the old ones. He smiled and said he liked those better too, and went back to them after that.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Understanding and Managing Grief, February 6 - February 12
Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:
- Successful relationship requires honesty: Lying Widowers, http://bit.ly/eKBl2M by @abelkeogh
- Teen Coping with the Death of a Parent, http://ow.ly/3NDRq Q & A by Grief Counselor @griefhealing via @Selfhealingexpr
- Men's Bereavement Network: Programs Supporting Men in Grief, http://bit.ly/epkSM5
- Wonderful example of animal assisted therapy (AAT): Dog Comforts Grieving Families, http://bit.ly/gfWxcW Video by KVVU Las Vegas
- Could You Provide a Sample Letter of Sympathy? http://ow.ly/3NDRp Q & A by Grief Counselor @griefhealing via @Selfhealingexpr
Caregiving and Hospice, February 6 - February 12
Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:
- Beautiful poem & video on medical tests & what "normal" means, http://bit.ly/fZPuxa via @kevinmd @garyschwitzer @KentBottles
- Nice story reflecting compassion of hospice, http://bit.ly/dIA0lc
- Tips to help patients save money on prescriptions, http://bit.ly/hD6n8H
- Those dying of illness or old age can make decisions about how they will die, http://bit.ly/hnS3Kb
- Hospice is ‘about embracing life and living it to the fullest,’ http://bit.ly/feqoiK via @hospicepharmacy
Coping with Pet Loss, February 6 - February 12
Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:
- Hospice offers grief counseling for pet loss, http://bit.ly/fmAhZ9
- More people seek final resting place next to animals in pet cemeteries, http://bit.ly/hS1K11 via @PawsWhiskersWag
- Sid Korpi: Pets experience grief when humans, fellow pets die http://bit.ly/jNMz1J
- Excellent! Pet Show interview with pet loss expert Dr. Susan Cohen, http://bit.ly/f2wQtv
- A Different Grief: Helping You and Your Children with Pet Loss, http://ow.ly/3NDNh by @griefhealing via @Selfhealingexpr
- New England Pet Hospice: A Pragmatist’s View of Complementary and Alternative Medicine, http://bit.ly/i4qcRv
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Grief Rituals Can Help on Valentine's Day (Or Any Special Day)
[Reviewed and updated May 25, 2024]
Part of my mourning is not “hanging out" with memories of the last years of mother’s life as dementia wreaked havoc. I am not ignoring the memories. I am not afraid to go there. I just don’t stay long if I am summoned by a particular painful memory. ~ Harold Ivan Smith, in Grieving the Death of a Mother
We’ve barely made it through the holidays of November, December and January, and now the stores are filled with hearts and flowers and candy, all of it in celebration of the gift of love.
But February 14 can be a difficult day for those of us who are grieving, and for some it will be the first Valentine’s Day since our precious Valentine died. For us there is no celebration; there is only grief.
Part of my mourning is not “hanging out" with memories of the last years of mother’s life as dementia wreaked havoc. I am not ignoring the memories. I am not afraid to go there. I just don’t stay long if I am summoned by a particular painful memory. ~ Harold Ivan Smith, in Grieving the Death of a Mother
We’ve barely made it through the holidays of November, December and January, and now the stores are filled with hearts and flowers and candy, all of it in celebration of the gift of love.
But February 14 can be a difficult day for those of us who are grieving, and for some it will be the first Valentine’s Day since our precious Valentine died. For us there is no celebration; there is only grief.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Coping with Pet Loss, January 30 - February 5
Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:
- Animal #Hospice Care: effective alternative to euthanasia? http://exm.nr/gBLqzk @aspca @catchatcaren
- Online eCourse on Pet Loss, http://ow.ly/3NDNg by grief counselor and animal lover @griefhealing via @Selfhealingexpr
Understanding and Managing Grief, January 30 - February 5
Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:
- Remembering Our Loved Ones on Valentine's Day, http://ow.ly/3ND5E by @griefhealing via @Selfhealingexpr
- Mother Loss: When Will the Crying Stop? http://ow.ly/3NDRn by Grief Counselor @griefhealing via @Selfhealingexpr
- What Gives You Hope? http://wp.me/pVxlX-5J by @GrievingDads
- Good information on grief, but see also comments on "stages," http://ht.ly/3MfLu from @seniors4living via @PetGrief @DeathwDignity
- Excellent, informative Understanding Grief video available from Hospice Information Center, http://bit.ly/gBEe3y
Caregiving and Hospice, January 30 - February 5
Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:
- Nurses Without Borders (The Power of Parish Nurses), http://nyti.ms/dJxLl8 via @caregiving
- Beautiful post by daughter coping with mother's Alzheimer's: Listening to My Mother, http://bit.ly/fWFOTB
- Letter: Medicare covers hospice care, http://bit.ly/fN5Q89 via @hospice_news
- Powerful essay: Mourning a Husband Who Has Not Yet Passed, http://bit.ly/gl5fKY
- Hospitalist on end-of-life counseling, advance directives, his own lament, http://tinyurl.com/5RN49W4 via @larryberesford