In Grief: Helping Another While Coping With My Own Loss

Source
A reader writes: I really need some help. I am at a loss with things right now. Here is my issue. My partner’s dad is dying. He was hospitalized two weeks ago and put on hospice by the advice of his doctor. He has Alzheimer’s; his life is over and he is hanging on by a string. I am still mourning the death of my mother four months ago, and now here I am with my partner and his family as they are going through this themselves.

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 11 - June 17, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Heidi Horsley on Sibling Loss: "Finding Hope and Transforming My Life,” http://j.mp/2tz25Gu « OptionB

A Funeral Sermon for My Friend Who Committed Suicide, http://j.mp/2sy4nIG « CCC Discover

Coping with Grief on Father’s Day: Selected Resources, http://j.mp/1tlWtPh « Grief Healing

Coping with Pet Loss, June 11 - June 17, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Actor Tom Hardy's Emotional Tribute to Dog, http://j.mp/2tevHsv « TruDog®

When a Pet Dies, Helping Children Through the ‘Worst Day of Their Lives,’ http://j.mp/2tb86bY « The New York Times

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In Grief: Death of a Possibility

Nothing is more sad than the death of an illusion.  ~ Arthur Koestler

A reader writes: My dad has been deceased for two years, and I am just coming to grips with the fact that he is really gone. It seems like only yesterday I got the phone call that changed my life forever.

My dad and I were never really close. His traumatic childhood had left him in a 24/7 dream world, and my parents divorced when I was about 4 years of age. My dad was a very sick man with schizophrenia and alcoholism. My mom left him when he became physically abusive, and throughout my childhood I met with him maybe five times. I have since forgiven him for what he did in the past to my mom and me, as he was sick and could not control his actions or words.

Caregiving and Hospice, June 4 - June 10, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

‘How long have I got?’: Why many cancer patients don’t have answers, http://j.mp/2t5PNoM « USA Today

If I Can't Speak For Myself...  http://bit.ly/2rQOcnb  Barbara Karnes RN

When a Loved Chooses to Stop Treatment, http://bit.ly/2s9PiwX « Seven Ponds Blog

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 4 - June 10, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

It's hard to articulate grief after a suicide – but we still need support, http://bit.ly/2s4W9rh  « The Guardian

Powerful: The Gifts We Give, The Gifts We Are, http://bit.ly/2s4ZmqB « On Being

Finding the Strength You Need, http://bit.ly/2r18Obr « Open to Hope

Coping with Pet Loss, June 4 - June 10, 2017

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Euthanasia Outside of the Veterinary Hospital, http://bit.ly/2qXF5iG « Spot Speaks 

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Voices of Experience: Tips to Make Your Way through Grief

You are never really prepared for grief and you can't truly understand it unless you've been there. ~ Anonymous

Kay Oxford is a retired office manager and bookkeeper who lives in the mountains of the northwestern United States with her dog Arlie and Kitty the cat. Since the sudden and unexpected loss of her beloved husband George, who died of a heart attack in 2005, Kay has been active in online grief forums for more than a decade. She also facilitates the in-person grief support group she started recently in her community. Here she shares some of the suggestions she has found to be useful in navigating her own grief journey:

Caregiving and Hospice, May 28 - June 3, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

I Will Help You: Palliative Care Support Before Hospice, http://bit.ly/2qyUUwU « Elaine Mansfield

New resources from Alzheimer's Association for primary care providers, http://bit.ly/2sbe3p7 « ehospice USA

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 28 - June 3, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief Healing: Finding a Place of Hope - Interview, http://bit.ly/2rKV4p4 « Open To Hope

The Surprising Truth About Ritual and Grief, http://bit.ly/2rv88Ov « What's Your Grief?

Traumatic Loss: Needing To View The Body, http://bit.ly/2rfaGjq « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Traumatic Loss: Needing To View The Body

Source
People who suddenly lose a spouse or a child to murder, suicide or an accident often benefit from being allowed to see the dead person’s body, even if it’s bruised or starting to decompose, a new investigation finds.  ~ Science News

A reader writes: I have enrolled in your online grief course and it is a wonderful help. I have spent hours reading over your articles and books, and I am just about to order another book for my son on the death of a sibling.

I don’t know if you remember me, but you helped me in a massive way last June. You gave me instant advice regarding my son who had gone missing in the sea following a climbing accident.

Caregiving and Hospice, May 21 - May 27, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Don't wait: Now's the time to discuss end-of-life care https://usat.ly/2r71Lyq « USA Today

Hospice care doesn't have to start at the end of life, http://bit.ly/2qpJNq1 « WRAL.com

What It Takes To Be A Hospice Nurse, http://bit.ly/2qhHLfm « Barbara Karnes, RN

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 21 - May 27, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Never Long Enough - A new book of comfort and hope amidst grief and loss, http://bit.ly/2rZjdFr « Read The Spirit

The Long Game After Loss, http://bit.ly/2rGMh7h « Christina Rasmussen

When We Blame Ourselves, http://bit.ly/2s3v7Nt « The Grief Toolbox

In Grief: Needing to Tell The Story

A reader writes: I feel like I am losing it. Both my mother and my sister were killed in an auto accident two months ago. I find myself talking about it over and over again, to anyone who will listen. But no matter how many times I tell the story, I can’t seem to wrap my mind around it. I am trying to believe that it really did happen, because at this moment in time, I really cannot believe it myself.

Caregiving and Hospice, May 14 - May 20, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

We're Bad at Death. Can We Talk? http://nyti.ms/2rEVqJV « The New York Times

Cancer Patients Might Be More Optimistic About Prognosis Than Their Doctors, http://bit.ly/2qGtp5h « Seven Ponds

Rebecca Sudore on Advance Care Planning: The Prepare Trial, http://bit.ly/2rzfDRg « GeriPal

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 14 - May 20, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Why we Need to Stop Saying, "I'm Sorry For Your Loss," http://bit.ly/2r4Bh3M « Elephant Journal

After A Loss, Learning to Be Happy Again, http://nyti.ms/2q2E1dB « The New York Times

Change Your Mind, Change the World, http://bit.ly/2pUt6H5 « Soaring Spirits International

Voices of Experience: You Know You’re Getting Better When…

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.  ~ Confucius

Laurie Burrows Grad is a food writer, television chef, and food journalist who transitioned to writing about grief when her husband Peter suddenly died on August 1, 2015. She has written over 65 blogs about being a widow on Huffington Post. The post below originally appeared on Thrive Global, the new site for Arianna Huffington, and is reprinted here with Laurie's permission. She is also the Editor-in-Chief for www.epicurus.com, one of the top food sites, and writes monthly blogs about cookware and cookbooks. In her personal life, Laurie is a philanthropist, who with her late husband Peter raised over $30 million for the Alzheimer’s Association in honor of her father, the late playwright Abe Burrows.

Caregiving and Hospice, May 7 - May 13, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Episode 1: No step entry, http://bit.ly/2pCT8JM « Nest for Life

After bowel cancer, I understand why people are tempted to reject treatment, http://ab.co/2pCXhhB « Science News

Facing Your Own Death: Can You Really Prepare Now? http://bit.ly/2pnqI6n « Seven Ponds Blog

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 7 - May 13, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Remembering My Mom on Mother's Day, http://j.mp/JTwqmc « Grief Healing

A Hidden Grief on Mother's Day, http://bit.ly/2qd5Y5y « ACS Technologies Ministry Impact

Sharing Stories About Loss and Grief, http://bit.ly/2pJ7BVa « Canadian Virtual Hospice

In Grief: Daughters Mourning Mothers

Source
When a mother dies, a daughter’s mourning never completely ends. ~ Hope Edelman

A reader writes: Today I visited your site for the first time and I have decided to share something I wrote with you. This fall I lost my mother less than a week before my son's wedding. I have been grieving for both my empty nest (3 adult children have moved on with their lives) along with the loss of my mother. Each time I feel lonely or sad because my kids have grown and left the nest, I feel deep pain for having caused my mother the same grief. Relationships with parents are complicated; expectations, irritations, personality quirks, being a 47 year old daughter, etc. Along with the emotional connectedness we had with one another, my grief includes loss for my mother as a friend.

Caregiving and Hospice, April 30 - May 6, 2017

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Honoring Hospice Nurses: National Nurses Week, May 6 – May 12, http://bit.ly/mFIU0a « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 30 - May 6, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Sudden Loss: 5 Ways it Differs from Expected Loss, http://bit.ly/2pRHooo « The Grief Toolbox

Digitally Delivered Mental Health – The Revolution Is Here! http://bit.ly/2qMuoQa « Health Journeys

The Bigger Lesson From Facebook’s New Bereavement Leave Policy, http://bit.ly/2pKavtP « Fast Company

Coping with Pet Loss, April 30 - May 6, 2017

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Pet hospice helps ease difficult days for animals and their humans, http://bit.ly/2pc9nOF « WGN-TV

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

In Grief: Causing Accidental Death or Injury (CADI) to Another

Life is an adventure in forgiveness, the writer Norman Cousins once said, but few things come so hard as forgiving oneself.  ~ Todd Leopold

A reader writes: Three weeks ago I hit a pedestrian. Two days later he died. I am up and down, feeling guilt. Sometimes I try to act OK. My husband is very worried about me. I am going to a class on anxiety. It helps me understand what I am experiencing. But are there any online resources that deal with someone dying who is NOT a loved one, but rather actually a complete stranger and the ongoing guilt I feel about this?

Caregiving and Hospice, April 23 - April 29, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Widespread Hype Gives False Hope To Many Cancer Patients, http://bit.ly/2oT4N7R « Kaiser Health News

7 Ways to Manage Caregiver Stress when Their Issues Are Also Your Own, http://bit.ly/2oIUdjq « Health Journeys

Spinning Out of Control: when a family member is terminally ill, http://bit.ly/2q8HyGP « SevenPondsBlog

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 23 - April 29, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Making Sense of Senseless Tragedy, http://bit.ly/2oTzdH7 « Grieve Well

Video game to help people cope with grief, http://bit.ly/2p1pPn8 « eHospice

Guilt After a Suicide by Brandy Lidbeck, http://bit.ly/2qcCTrm « The Gift of Second

Mother Loss: When Grief Is Mixed with Menopause

Source
"Do not become alarmed when you experience yourself in totally new ways," sighs Grandmother Growth tenderly. "You are changing, getting ready to be initiated into the third stage of your life. Are you ready for the ride of your life?"  ~ Susun Weed

A reader writes: I’d like to know if any other women in their early 50's (like I am) might lose their mother (or dearest, closest relative) during the process of menopause. I looked online for some more information regarding this topic, and didn't find much. If there is "nothing new under the sun", then I know I am not alone, and someone else can relate.

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 16 - April 22, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Who’s in Charge Here? Coping with loss of control, http://bit.ly/2ork7rS « What's Your Grief?

How to Offer Support to a Grieving Colleague, http://bit.ly/2pji1yu « Harvard Business Review

Guided Imagery 101 – Some Basics for Everyone, http://bit.ly/2pGDXAq « Health Journeys

In Grief: Remembering Is An Active Process

Source
If we are loved and remembered, then we live on forever in the hearts of those who love us.  ~ Ted Menten

A reader writes: Eleven months ago, my son had a massive seizure in his sleep and went on to Heaven as a result. His birthday was to be the next day, the saddest day of my entire life. He was 6 feet tall, blonde hair, blue eyes and the most beautiful smile anyone ever wanted to see. He had the kindest heart and gentle way about him. I really did not realize how many lives he had touched while he was with us. When God came to take him home he got a very special angel. He was 21 and the kind of young man anyone would have been proud to have had for a son. I must say it was a privilege to say I was his mother. The day he died a part of me died too. I miss him so much it is physically painful even to this day. I have not found a way to live this new life I have been given.

Caregiving and Hospice, April 9 - April 15, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Are you listening, docs? Politicians must consult front-line physicians for health reform, http://bit.ly/2p2WaLi « Kevin MD

Single payer: Yes! Medicare for all: No! http://bit.ly/2omEveq « Kevin MD

Why politics and patients don’t mix, http://bit.ly/2ooh6eB « Kevin MD

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 9 - April 15, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Megan Devine: Some things in life can't be fixed, http://bit.ly/2ohD9QH « The Start Up Sessions

Sheryl Sandberg: Option B and Life After Grief, http://ti.me/2nN0f6c « TIME

My Marathon Towards Healing, http://bit.ly/2otgiVB « Maria Shriver

Coping with Pet Loss, April 9 - April 15, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What Not to Say When Someone Loses a Pet, http://bit.ly/2oqUASD « VetSTREET

Grief in the Wake of a Dog’s Wrongful Death, http://bit.ly/2nZSBBF « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Pet Loss: Grief in the Wake of a Dog’s Wrongful Death

Source
When confronted with a legal problem regarding negligent or intentional harm to a companion animal, there is no substitute for face-to-face, fact-specific advice obtained from one’s own attorney. Accordingly, Institute for Animal Rights Law urges anyone with a potential or actual problem of this kind to consult a lawyer. ~ Professor Henry Mark Holzer

A reader writes: Hello. I'm writing to you because my daughter's dog Sadie was savagely attacked and torn up by 2 big dogs this past Sunday night. These local news reports give the details of this terrible tragedy:

Caregiving and Hospice, April 2 - April 8, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

An Innovative Concept: College Students and Seniors Living Under One Roof, http://bit.ly/2ouHKUb « Maria Shriver

5 Invitations: What Death Can Teach About Living, http://bit.ly/2nLMzW1 « Spirituality and Health

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 2 - April 8, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

There Is Nothing You Can Say to Heal Someone Else's Grief, http://bit.ly/2jjQ7M1 « The Mighty

5 Things NOT to Say to Someone Who is Grieving, http://bit.ly/2o5gR7P « Grief In Common

Delayed Grief: When We Don't Take Time to Mourn, http://bit.ly/2nvSoFq Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Coping with Pet Loss, April 2 - April 8, 2017

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Don't Shame Me For Grieving My Dog's Death, http://huff.to/2oIupra « The Huffington Post

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Delayed Grief: When We Don't Take Time to Mourn

You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to the things you don’t want to feel. ~ Johnny Depp

A reader writes: I don't know what's happening. It has been more than three years since my friend Jane died. We shared a home for over ten years. Both of our parents had died and our siblings were gone also. We were the only family that either of us had. After she died I went right back to work. Really I went back to overwork. Last December I went to Kenya for four months; when I came back I was not working. I started having dreams about Jane. She would go somewhere and I couldn't find her. I would wake up in a panic.

Caregiving and Hospice, March 26- April 1, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

How to prepare for a good death, http://bit.ly/2nI7edy « Ideas.TED.com

College students partner with hospice to learn caregiving, http://bit.ly/2op1QMs « The State Press

The Nurse Who Admits Patients to Hospice Care, http://nym.ag/2np1mVw « NY Magazine

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 26- April 1, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

6 Vital Questions in Bereavement Assessment and Support, http://bit.ly/2oAM2W4 «
Grief Perspectives

Addiction: The Terminal Illness No One Talks About, http://bit.ly/2nymond « Seven Ponds Blog

Updated: Tips for Coping with Sleeplessness in Grief, http://bit.ly/hkoXnZ « Grief Healing

In Grief: Coping with Childlessness

Source
Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left.  ~ Hubert Humphrey

A reader writes: I just wanted to say Thank You for your site -- it's been a real help to me today, as I try and start to get my head around our childlessness. It's a strange grief as it's a loss that only I see -- to the rest of the world it's life as usual! I found your pieces on the process of grief really useful -- and the quotes and pieces of inspiration. I really needed some practical tips on coping with the mood swings - I found all the information on the grief work really helpful, and I realize that I need to leave more time and be kinder on myself. Over the past few weeks I've suddenly had a real desire to get a dog -- a pet I've never had before. Your pieces on companion animals have made me realize that this might not be such a daft idea after all.

Caregiving and Hospice, March 19 - March 25, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

How hospice helped my mother find peace, http://bit.ly/2nJQKnL « Kevin MD

Lawyers have no business in the field of advance care planning, http://bit.ly/2mwaP0J « Kevin MD

Palliative Care: Pro-Life, Pro-Choice, Pro-Dignity, and Pro-Family, http://huff.to/2mX5rDv « The Huffington Post

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 19 - March 25, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What Losing Your Mother Feels Like, http://j.mp/1xOAP1Q « The Huffington Post

Stress in Grief, http://bit.ly/2mZwD0V « What's Your Grief?

Dating After Loss of a Spouse, http://bit.ly/2mSLny9 « Grief in Common

Coping with Pet Loss, March 19 - March 25, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Things I Wish I Had Known When My Dog Died, http://nyti.ms/2nnlc5T « The New York Times

It can be harder to lose a dog than a relative or friend -- here's why, http://read.bi/2o01MTc « Business Insider

Respond to Friends' Pet Loss with Sympathetic Calls, Letters, http://bit.ly/2mZF1Nm « A Good Goodbye

Explaining Suicide to A Child

If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.  ~ Albert Einstein

A reader writes: My husband committed suicide six weeks ago. He left behind our nine-year-old son and myself. I know exactly why he killed himself. He had suffered years of physical pain, had emotional problems, depression, manic depression and other problems, some of which were attributed to the fact he had no male role model in his youth. His biological father left when he was five. His stepfather showed him no love or support whatsoever and his mother suffered from depression. He had not worked in many years and felt useless. He felt that his manhood was gone and thought the only way out was to overdose. He said in his suicide note that his race was done. He had become very difficult to live with.

Caregiving and Hospice, March 12 - March 18, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Seven facts you might not know about hospice, http://bit.ly/2n0eiU9 « Kitsap Sun

Have Your Wishes For Care Known Before A Health Crisis Strikes, http://n.pr/2mqI4yB « NPR

Palliative Care: Pro-Life, Pro-Choice, Pro-Dignity, and Pro-Family,  http://huff.to/2mX5rDv « The Huffington Post

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 12 - March 18, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Why You Want A Physicist to Speak at Your Funeral, http://bit.ly/2nOGQ0x « A Good Goodbye

Stay in...and Cry, http://bit.ly/2njn5Bn « Christina Rasmussen

Grief In The Second Year: Finding Your Way, http://buff.ly/2n6Bm3O « Grief Healing

Coping with Pet Loss, March 12 - March 18, 2017

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Caring for an Aging or Dying Pet – What You Need to Know (and Some Help with Your Grief), http://bit.ly/2na6WhD « Wake Up World

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Grief Healing: On Becoming a Grief Counselor

Source
We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.  ~ Author Unknown

A reader writes: I came across your website, but I believe I have heard your name before. I'm writing for two reasons; first, out of admiration for your work in pet loss and grief, and secondly, to see if you could possibly help me. Historically, I've had an interest in depression and anxiety, but my recent experiences with the elderly have guided me towards grief and loss. Pet grief and loss has always been important to me. As I approach graduate school and the chance to do a thesis and numerous other projects/papers, this topic seems to be dominating my preferences. With all of this in mind, I was wondering if you have any advice for this stage of my career--both academically and professionally.

Caregiving and Hospice, March 5 - March 11, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

PBS Documentary Brings Chronic Pain Out of Shadows, http://bit.ly/2nnvujU « Pain News Network

When a Patient Asks You to Pray…5 Things to Consider, http://bit.ly/2nmPhzS « Hospice Times

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 5 - March 11, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Patton Oswalt Explains How Pop Culture Gets Grieving All Wrong, http://n.pr/2mvAXpx « NPR

Grieving college students: Find an AMF chapter on your college campus, http://bit.ly/2mKut8n « Actively Moving Forward

10 Things Only A Griever Understands, http://bit.ly/2n83i8u « The Grief Toolbox

Using Music To Help With Grief

When you're happy, you enjoy the music. But, when you're sad, you understand the lyrics.  ~ Frank Ocean

People have known for centuries that music touches the human soul. We know intuitively that music affects us in profound and healing ways, both emotionally and physically, and present-day research demonstrates this to be true. In health care settings such as hospitals, clinics and hospices, music therapy is found to be remarkably effective in helping to calm patients, reduce stress, ease muscle tension, promote movement and manage pain.

Caregiving and Hospice, February 26 - March 4, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

How Can Palliative Care Be Implemented in the ICU? http://bit.ly/2lqbFMd « Seven Ponds Blog

The Alzheimer's Action Plan, http://bit.ly/2mQFvGM « Alzheimer's Reading Room

Dementia and Grief, http://bit.ly/2miVHCU « eHospice

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 26 - March 4, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

I'm Not Okay, http://bit.ly/2lql0n9 « Soaring Spirits International

Dementia and Grief, http://bit.ly/2miVHCU « eHospice

In Grief: Carrying The Load, http://bit.ly/2lHomON « Christina Rasmussen

Coping with Pet Loss, February 26 - March 4, 2017

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief is the Price We Pay For Love: Helping Heal the Grief of Pet Loss, http://bit.ly/2lKryZM « Liv On

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

In Grief: Worried About My Daughter

Source
Oh, please, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. For if we talk about her death, perhaps we can talk about her life. ~ Terry Kettering

A reader writes: My daughter is 16. Her brother was 17 when he was killed three months ago. As we live where there is no other family she had to be the second one to identify his body. She won't talk. It's like he never existed. I have tried getting her to counseling but she isn't interested. The counselor told me to just be here for her when she needs me and that she is taking her cues from me. But I am really worried that if she bottles this up it will compound later on. I'm not so sure I am right. Can you shed some light please?

Caregiving and Hospice, February 19 - February 25, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

How Can Palliative Care Be Implemented in the ICU?  http://bit.ly/2lQdxg8 « SevenPonds Blog

Book Review: "Extreme Measures" by Jessica Nutik-Zitter, M.D., http://bit.ly/2lNmqY3 « SevenPonds Blog

Death Education Is Needed As Much As Sex Education, http://bit.ly/2lFFJ5c « A Good Goodbye

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 19 - February 25, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief's Grenades, http://bit.ly/2lN6CnQ « Second Firsts

For Widows Only: Who We Are, http://bit.ly/2lhnRKS « Griefcase

Updated today: Grief Bibliography, http://bit.ly/9J8Wa4 « Grief Healing

Voices of Experience: Stepping Down

By Marianne Monson

To care for those who once cared for us is one of the highest honors.  ~ Tia Walker

Marianne Monson has worked as an editor/art director of children’s books, has authored nine books for children and adults, and continues editing and writing for a variety of audiences. She also teaches Creative Writing and English at Portland Community College in Portland, Oregon. Her latest book, Frontier Grit: The Unlikely True Stories of Daring Pioneer Women, is dedicated to her grandmother, who succumbed to breast cancer in August. As her mother cared for her dying grandmother, Marianne was inspired to write this touching vignette.

Caregiving and Hospice, February 12 - February 18, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Warming Hearts, Cloaking Grief, http://bit.ly/2lVYLRL « Pallimed

When a Loved One is Terminally Ill: Talking About Death and Making End–of–life Decisions http://bit.ly/2lIXgan « HelpGuide

Laboring To Leave ~ Difficult Breathing at End of Life, http://bit.ly/2kLExg5 « Barbara Karnes, RN

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 12 - February 18, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

New BookThere Is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Lovehttp://n.pr/2kJMZsU « NPR

You Can Find Love Again, http://bit.ly/2loepIz « Star Letters

Blessings of Grief, http://bit.ly/2lWRYHu « Widower's Grief

Coping with Pet Loss, February 12 - February 18, 2017

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Guidelines for End-of-Life Care, http://bit.ly/2lI0zyu « Spot Speaks

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

In Grief: Using Denial to Cope with Loss

Source
Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature's way of letting in only as much as we can handle. ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

A reader writes: I feel extremely depressed. My father, who is my best friend and closest person to me, passed away. Ever since I was little, I was always afraid he'd be taken away from me; he and I were very close, and he was the best father any person could ask for. He's the type of father who'd drive you around town for hours when you needed some last minute item for your school project that's due the next day. He's the type of father who will buy your favorite foods and secretly put it in your fridge. He's the type of father who will drop everything to listen when you're having a problem. We hugged each other every day, and I always told him I loved him. Why did this happen? I must be such a horrible person to be punished in this way.

Caregiving and Hospice, February 5 - February 11, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

How to Age Alone in the Era of "Elder Orphans," http://bit.ly/2kxHBw6 « Seven Ponds Blog

Book Review: Good to Go: A Guide To Preparing for the End of Lifehttp://bit.ly/2kNCOVR « Seven Ponds Blog

Facing the Abyss: Planning for Death, http://bit.ly/2kFFBmt « Pallimed

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 5 - February 11, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Liv On: Making a record that deals with all aspects of grief, http://bit.ly/2lq0ToK « ehospice

The Wound Time Won't Heal, http://bit.ly/2kKeCWi « Alive in Memory

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Coping with Pet Loss, February 5 - February 11, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

How to Ensure You Are There Should Your Hospitalized Pet Pass Away, http://bit.ly/2kFaDLd « Spot Speaks

Pet Loss: A Disenfranchised Grief, http://bit.ly/2jUdwmJ « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Pet Loss: A Disenfranchised Grief

If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~ James Herriot

You've just learned that your family's beloved pet is terminally ill. The vet gives your cherished companion less than a month to live. As the sad reality of losing this important member of your family sets in, a million thoughts race through your head.

Whether struggling with an animal companion's chronic illness, facing a decision about euthanasia, or mourning the loss of a cherished pet, you may be shocked and overwhelmed by the intensity of your reactions.

Caregiving and Hospice, January 28 - February 4, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A Nurse's Reflection on End-of-Life Care, http://bit.ly/2kgQJ6E « Mary Gottschalk

Doctors Debate Medical Aid in Dying - Again, http://bit.ly/2kkpJ8A « Seven Ponds Blog

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 28 - February 4, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What Mary Tyler Moore Taught Me About Grief, http://bit.ly/2jM07gm « GriefMinisterDotCom

It Was Never About Me (or you), http://bit.ly/2kqOgJd « The Gift of Second

Surviving A Partner’s Homicide, http://bit.ly/2kFRGFn « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Surviving A Partner’s Homicide

Spend 24 hours in my shoes as a victim of gun violence and I guarantee you will never look at guns the same way again.  ~ Bill Jenkins

A reader writes: I lost my significant other of 6 years only 4 months ago. We shared 4 children together and life is just not the same. I can't figure out why I am numb, frozen and slowing down. Things have gotten very hard, I truly don't want to express how hard. The pain I feel is crazy but I keep striving to be positive and to also find a new identity in this process. Nothing is the same.

Caregiving and Hospice, January 22 - January 28, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Hospice Care: When is it Time? http://bit.ly/2kdbwu8 « Egan Healthcare Services

Only 10 steps away…from suffering, http://bit.ly/2j8Zq5t « The Unprepared Caregiver

Worker Bees, Watchers and Talkers: Which Kind of Caregiver Are You? http://bit.ly/2jfqVpe « Barbara Karnes Books

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 22 - January 28, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Emotions of Grief After A Breakup, http://bit.ly/2jIXYmJ « Psychology Today

It’s Called “Grief Work” Because It Is Work by Brandy Lidbeck, http://bit.ly/2jx3wkc « The Gift of Second

This Love, this Love, this Love ~  http://bit.ly/2kt2CoP « Soaring Spirits International

Grief and Politics

Source
I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend.  ~ Thomas Jefferson

A reader writes: I am a political scientist and naturally I am fond of political debate. I have noticed that during the recent campaign and national election I grew intolerant, closed to debate, cynical, and skeptical. I find myself thinking I am right and others are wrong or naive in their opinions. I am consuming news online and on television. I had a fight with a best friend because of politics. Before, I listened to people. Now I can't.

Caregiving and Hospice, January 15 - January 21, 2017

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Dying Don’t Need Your Permission to Let Go, http://bit.ly/2iL8LjV « Pallimed 

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 15 - January 21, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grieving Isn't Wallowing,  http://j.mp/1WSQdaL « Tim Lawrence

Nothing You Can Say Will Heal Another's Grief, http://bit.ly/2jjQ7M1  The Mighty

The Grieving Need You Most After the Funeral, http://bit.ly/2jDKQC4 « John Pavlovitz

Voices of Experience: My Second Chapter: Life, Marriage, Family

Source
A great relationship is about two things: first, appreciating the similarities and second, respecting the diffrences.  ~ Anonymous

Michelle Jarvie is a mentor, educator and author of Then & Now: Changed Perspectives of a Young Widow, her book about surviving the traumatic death of her first husband James, who was killed in a motor vehicle crash in 2008. Michelle remarried five years later, and now lives with her husband Sean and their daughter Ruthie in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Connect with her online at MichelleJarvie.com.

Many people ask me, What’s it really like being re-married? My widow(er) friends want to know if I’m as happy as I was in my first marriage, if I compare my two husbands, why I’d risk being a widow again, and most importantly, if my new husband is understanding. Can you talk about James with him? Is he jealous?

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 8 - January 14, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief's Coloring Book, http://bit.ly/2jECcA2 « Widower's Grief

Understanding Rubin's 2-Track Model of Bereavement, http://bit.ly/2ikXRvQ « What's Your Grief?

Caring for a Loved One: The Letter Every Caregiver Should Write, http://bit.ly/2iGfuHL« Grief In Common

Coping with Pet Loss, January 8 - January 14, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Horse is overcome with grief at funeral, http://bit.ly/2iVseen « NZ Herald

Grieving Your Animal Best Friend, http://huff.to/2jlwVNw « HuffPost Living

End-of-Life Care Guidelines offer options for pet owners with terminally ill pets, http://bit.ly/2iw66q2 « PetsMatter

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

When Death Happens: Tips for Helping The Mourner

Source
Above all, show your love. Show up. Say something. Do something. Be willing to stand beside the gaping hole that has opened in your friend’s life, without flinching or turning away. Be willing to not have any answers. Listen. Be there. Be present. Be a friend. Be love. Love is the thing that lasts.  ~ Megan Devine

If this is your first encounter with someone in mourning, you are wise to do some reading about the grief experience, and to let go of some of the harmful myths you may have heard about grief and healing. Don’t assume that the person who seems to be experiencing little pain or sorrow is “doing well” with grief. Take some time to review your own personal experiences of death and grief, recalling who died, what was helpful and not helpful to you, and how you felt about it.

Caregiving and Hospice, January 1 - January 7, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What is Aromatherapy and How Can It Help Those Facing Death? http://bit.ly/2i0tbVm « Seven Ponds Blog

The Power of Personalized Music: "I Get to Be Me," http://bit.ly/2iLVpm9 « Music & Memory

How to Plan for Death and End of Life Arrangements, http://bit.ly/2izsaku « Reader's Digest

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 1 - January 7, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

My Second Chapter: Life, Marriage, Family, http://bit.ly/2i1UjDK « Open to Hope

Please read this before you post another RIP on social media. http://u.pw/2i2cUe1 « Up Worthy

Talking to Children About Death, http://bit.ly/2i0vx20 « Psychology Today

Caregiving in Serious Illness: 8 Ways You Can Help

Source
Be a merciful presence to the dying and family as they are able to get their arms around deeper levels of reality. ~ Greg Yoder, in Companioning the Dying: A Soulful Guide for Counselors and Caregivers

As mentioned in an earlier post, grief occurs both in anticipation of and following a loss. Grief does not wait for a death to happen; it begins as soon as a person becomes aware that death may happen: when a life-threatening illness is diagnosed or a terminal prognosis is given. Family caregivers are in mourning too, well before the death occurs. They are coping not only with their own feelings of grief and loss, but also with physical and mental fatigue, and often feel overwhelmed with all the financial, legal, medical, and personal responsibilities associated with caregiving.

If you know someone whose loved one is terminally ill, you may be wondering what you might do to help ease their burden.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 25 - December 31, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Give the gift that keeps on giving: straight talk on end-of-life care, http://bit.ly/2hWhnQ6 « STAT

Dying Isn't Fighting Death, http://bit.ly/2iGoZKA « Seven Ponds Blog

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 25 - December 31, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Buh Bye, 2016, http://bit.ly/2isEzZB « Modern Loss

Grief Diaries: Through The Eyes of Men, http://amzn.to/2iNS46X

Using Children's Books to Help with Grief, http://bit.ly/w4PFMh « Grief Healing
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