Voices of Experience: On Dating A Girl Without A Mother

by Jenna Rose Lowthert

The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her.  ~ Author unknown

Jenna Rose Lowthert is a 25-year-old who lost her 48-year-old mother to stage four lung cancer on May 27th, 2013. In the year following her mother's death, Jenna found her passion for writing, and was inspired to write her book, Life Goes On..? She is on Facebook and blogs at Just Jenna Rose. Writing as a motherless daughter, she shares below her thoughts on what it's like to date a girl without a mother:

She’ll be a different kind of girl. She has experienced loss and knows what it feels like to be left, even if it was unintentionally. Every day her heart will be hurting, even if she doesn’t show it. Comfort her.

She will act tough, she will pretend she doesn’t have emotions. She does. They’re tucked away deep down inside her broken heart. Let her know she is meant to be loved and you want to love her.

Each and every time you mention your mother she will cringe, not at the thought of her, but at the thought of her own mother not being around anymore. She will feel a sense of embarrassment when someone asks her about her parents. It is one of the hardest things in the world to have to explain to somebody why and how you are a motherless daughter.

Holidays will always be hard for her, after all the most important person in her world is no longer there. Do something to honor and celebrate her mother.

She will wish with all her might that you got to meet her mother before she died, but she knows that is not a possibility. She constantly wonders if her mother would like you, would she approve of you? Get to know her mother through her. Ask questions. Don’t be afraid of bringing up what you think may harm her heart even more. It won’t. She loves to talk about her mother. She wants you to know every little detail, but she probably would never tell you that on her own. Talk to her, ask her what her mother was like, what her mother loved to do, what her favorite food was, what song she liked, what she learned from her, etc. These questions will open her up to you, even if it’s only a tiny bit. Remind her every day that she is beautiful and she was raised by a queen.

She will cry a lot, but you won’t know it when she does. Let her know it’s okay and let her know that you want to be the shoulder she cries on. Let her know you want to be the one to make her smile through all the tears.

She’ll want to take a lot of pictures, memories are gold to her. She knows what it’s like to have amazing memories ripped from under her feet, and she is more than thankful for the pictures she has taken to keep those memories alive.

She will hide, she will not accept your love right away and it will take her a while to realize she is more than deserving of it. She will hate the fact that she feels this way, remember she can’t help it.

She will be very independent, there will be a lot of things she won’t need you for, be there for her anyway, but always give her space. She values her solitude but don’t ever be offended by it. Take the time to understand why she likes to be alone.

She is not broken, although it may seem she is, so please don’t try to fix her. She is just finding her way in this world without her mother’s guidance. She will guard her heart more than she ever has before, and you’ll have to try very hard to climb her walls, but when you eventually get to the other side, it will all be worth it, because she will love you with everything she has left in her.

© 2015 by Jenna Rose Lowthert

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